A Long Way From Home

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki's world seemed to freeze in the moment she waited for the boy's answer, and then a startling number of things happened at once. One instant she stood alone with Mercedes and the young man who had the knife pressed to her throat; the next the boy was on the ground, Jenica behind them, having clearly done him in, and Rollick had also appeared, supporting badly-wounded Julen.

Uluki didn't pause to consider the implications. An instant's look at the boy told her he was beyond her help; once life had fled from the body, her strongest healing magic would do nothing. The sight disturbed her greatly, but this was not the time to dwell on it, so she immediately turned to Julen. As Rollick lowered him carefully to the ground, Uluki knelt beside him and began healing his injury.

As her magic flowed, seeking out and repairing damage, so instinctual it didn't take the effort of her full mind, her thoughts finally turned to what had just happened, and the death of the boy.

She had hoped he would live, and was sad his life had ended. He was barely more than a child, and should have had long years ahead of him. She wished he'd had the opportunity to respond to her offer, and to seize the chance it represented. In spite of what he had done, and the worse things he likely intended to do to her, she couldn't help feeling grief over his death.

On the other hand, she was not ungrateful to the vampire. Jenica couldn't have known what was going on, how Uluki was trying to allow the boy to save himself. She would only have seen Uluki in peril, and had fought to defend her. Much as Uluki wished things could have been different, she couldn't blame Jenica for that. And she couldn't help being thankful Jenica cared enough to intervene-- something Uluki wouldn't have expected.

"You'll be alright," she assured Julen. "I can make it better. You won't die." To the others, in case they were concerned she was trying to ease him along with false hope, she also gave the assurance, "He'll be fine."

Rollick, still supporting Julen's head so it didn't rest on the dirt, gave Uluki's shoulder a loving squeeze, glad to see she was well and unharmed, and she gave him a loving but tired smile in return.

[Jenica Sabiny]

When her male slumped against the other, the vampire tilted her head and creased her brow, as though having difficulty processing the sight before her. He'd been speaking a moment before, and now he seemed to have lost the ability to stand. She sniffed at the air, then focused her senses elsewhere, eyes going dull as she listened to the steady heartbeat within his chest.

It was weaker, struggling against the bloodloss he'd suffered from his leg, and his breathing was quieter than usual...she knew this state, from the victims she had toyed with. He had lost consciousness.

The vampire's eyes widened and she raced forward, dropping to her knees when she was close enough and skidding to a dusty halt across from the healer. Panic poured from her in waves, her eyes completely black from dilated pupils as she reached to tap her bloodied hand against his cheek. The boy's blood had drenched her entire hand when she crushed his spine, and it spattered against Julen's cheek now.

"Come back," she pleaded, and though her voice should have been stronger for feeding it crackled under the weight of sudden emotions beating against her awareness. The duskling's reassurances passed by unheard; her only response to the healing was to slap his face a bit harder. She was seconds away from shaking him.

"Don't die. Please don't die. You have to live."

[Julen]

Julen felt as if he was falling...but falling very slowly. And it tickled. Instead of darkness, a golden light shone from no clear source, illuminating the thousands of white feathers which swirled all around him. Almost no sound disturbed the silence. But somewhere, far below, he could make out an erratic booming. And then, seeming to come from the air itself, he heard a voice.

You’ll be alright. I can make it better...

Alright? Of course he was alright. He liked it here, where he didn’t have to do anything except fall. No more departures or arrivals, no more hellos or goodbyes, no more accomplishments or failures -- nothing but middles from now on. The journey never began and it never ended. So easy. So peaceful. Julen hoped that he kept descending forever.

But the booming grew steadier and stronger. And far below him, something began to churn in the air. Julen could hear the sound of it, like thousands of hands clapping, as it rushed up toward him. Instead of floating smoothly, the feathers around him started to jerk and shudder.

Come back...

And then, it was upon him -- a vast flock of birds, slapping his face with their wings as they rose upward. Julen struggled to shield himself, but he couldn’t lift his arms. Insistently, the birds beat against him, until his eyes reluctantly fluttered open.

Don't die. Please don't die...

The darkness of night rushed across Julen’s vision, replacing any remaining traces of golden light. And he wasn’t falling anymore. Instead, he lay on the ground, with his head supported by Rollick. The fight. He’d been wounded during the fight and passed out. Uluki must have healed him. As his strength returned, Julen smiled up at the fairy and her husband, once again grateful that they’d volunteered to come along. “Thanks.”

Then, he turned his head to look at Jenica, both surprised and pleased by her overt display of concern. Not that he wished to cause her distress. But it felt nice to know that she cared.

“Don’t worry, princess.” Reaching out, Julen took her hand, and gave it a squeeze to reinforce his words. “It’ll take more than a scratch like that to take me away from you.”

Now that he was healed, being covered in gore seemed slightly ridiculous to Julen. Still holding Jenica’s hand, he pushed himself into a sitting position, and glanced around at the assembled group. “I don’t suppose anyone noticed a lake or stream where we could wash up?”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki and Rollick both simply nodded in acknowledgment of the thanks. Uluki was relieved that she'd been in time to heal him, and Julen was safe.

"I think there's a stream over that rise," Uluki said, pointing in the direction of the water she'd noticed earlier. "But I don't think you should go alone. That anyone should, I mean. It might still be dangerous, so we should all at least stay in pairs."

She would have suggested staying all together, but it didn't seem wise to leave the horse alone. At the very least, in a pair one person could run for help if needed.

Since Rollick's help was no longer required to hold Julen up, Uluki scooted over to him, and he wrapped his arms around her reassuringly.

"I'm glad we're all alright," Uluki said, trying not to think about the boy who wasn't, lying there unknown and lifeless.

[Jenica Sabiny]

When he took hold of her hand, she flipped their interlocked limbs to inspect the back of his fingers. The action was immediate and reflexive; it was something she could not stop herself from doing every time, though asking for a reason why would leave her confused. She felt a sort of fascination with hands and fingers, and even made a habit of inspecting her own when left alone and bored. The angles, curves, and swirls built-in to the skin were intriguing enough to follow with her eyes.

It was a personal pleasure of the sort she'd abandoned as the months passed. She'd rarely indulged in personal habits for the sole purpose of doing them; she'd lost interest with time. Now she was growing used to satisfying her own cravings for hobbies she liked for the sole purpose of having a moment's enjoyment. She did not recognize the change within herself; she did not see that things she'd considered a rare commodity before were becoming habit again. But the progress was there all the same.

She flared her nostrils when water was mentioned, looking at the rise indicated and sniffing hard. The scent of water was distinct and strong, especially in an arid region such as this, with a dry enough climate that water was highly valued and needed. Without releasing her male's hand, she straightened to her feet, tugging to help him stand with her. Whether he stood when prompted did not matter; she released his hand moments after straightening herself. There was a potential bath on the way, and she could not focus long enough to move past the near-giddiness fumbling through her thoughts.

"There's water. I can smell it."

Her nostrils remained flared and her eyes widened enough to let the irises catch the dim moonlight. She laced her fingers together and pressed her hands backwards, stretching the upper skin of her palms and cracking her knuckle bones - a smooth motion haunted by her sudden jitters. She was excited.

Tactical ideas and actions swirled into her mind, and she spoke without filtering her words.

"They won't go into the wagon; the body will keep them out. We can take the horse."

She moved towards the animal as she spoke, intending to unlatch the buckles and straps keeping it hooked to the wagon. For all the attachments, a bridle was still part of the equipment. But the combination of blood and death approaching it did not help to set the poor animal at ease. Its eyes rolled and ears flattened, and she stopped a few feet away, tilting her head in mild confusion. Unaware of the gory combination of her clothing and bloody face, she didn't understand why it might be scared of her.

[Julen]

Julen smiled as Jenica gave his fingers another inspection. He didn’t understand her fascination, but he found it endearing. How could such childlike impulses coexist with such monstrous ones? Maybe that was his failing -- a single moment like this, and he was too willing to forgive her for everything else. Too willing to ignore the murder he frequently saw in her eyes.

Turning their joined hands, Julen placed a kiss on Jenica’s knuckles, strangely unbothered by the blood which stained his lips as he did so. Then he allowed her to pull him to his feet.

Julen fully agreed with Uluki’s suggestion that they should stick together. He was about to voice his support of forming pairs, when Jenica spoke up. Bringing the horse to the creek would allow them to all stay in a single group, and the poor beast could probably use a drink of water, if not some washing up. As for the wagon, Jenica was probably right. The body would keep their assailants out.

Wait a minute...what body?

With a sinking feeling in his gut, Julen gave the horse a wide berth, and re-entered the wagon. Sure enough, one of their attackers lay dead within. His face, if it could still be called his face, had been reduced to shreds of flesh and exposed bone. Bits of gore stained a few of the pictures which Julen had hung so carefully in place. Involuntarily, Julen clamped a hand to his mouth, repressing waves of nausea -- for some reason, it was far easier to see a corpse lying on the battlefield than to see one sprawled in the center of a place he’d tried so hard to make feel like home.

After taking a minute to swallow the bile which kept trying to rise in his throat, Julen rejoined his friends outside. “Um...yeah. What’s in there is enough to keep anybody out. Let’s just get cleaned up. We can deal with it when we get back.”

For the moment, Jenica’s difficulties with the horse escaped his notice.

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki followed Jenica, deliberately rustling the dry grass with her feet, just to make absolutely sure the vampire heard her, and didn't think she was sneaking up.

Jenica still made Uluki nervous. The vampiric mind seemed so alien, so human and yet so other... she was hard to fathom. Hard to predict. Capable of great violence, but also great kindness. After her help in the battle, though, Uluki somehow felt more comfortable with her, in spite of the paradox. In spite of the dead boy. Surely Jenica hadn't known. Had only been trying to save Uluki. Surely...

When Uluki got closer to Jenica, she said, "I think the smell of blood is scaring him. Horses don't like blood. It makes them think of predators."

[Jenica Sabiny]

The vampire turned enough to regard the approaching fae with a tilted head. Her eyes moved down to examine her clothing, covered in blood and assorted bits of gore. She'd used the bottle and her hands while killing, and neither of these implements represented clean ways to die while wielded by her. She accepted the fae's pronouncement and stepped back, letting the fae take control of releasing the horse from the wagon.

She still felt jittery and any thoughts she had raced along mental speedways, fueled by the fresh blood she felt coursing through her body. She played her fingers together absently, shifting her weight from one foot to another. Horses galloped along fields in her mind; she remembered the vision her male had created of herself riding in the sunlight. Memories of her male inundated her mind, various kindnesses and declarations of love. He could've died, before, and she wouldn't have been able to save him. The only one who could was this fae. A surge of emotions ranging from thankfulness to confusion claimed her, and she found herself torn for what to say. She refused to filter herself, and so spouted what she wanted to say rather than debate which was appropriate.

"You saved him. You did that. I couldn't do that. Why did you talk to the little male?"

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki was shocked. Horrified. She'd assumed that Jenica hadn't heard the conversation with the boy, and didn't know Uluki was trying to talk him down before blood was spilled. But Jenica had known! She'd known, and she'd killed him anyway. The world suddenly seemed strange and inverted, and Uluki no longer felt so protected. She reached for the horse, absently petting and soothing him, not looking at Jenica.

To give herself time to think, Uluki addressed the first part of what Jenica said. "That's true. I'm a healer, so that's what I do. But I can't fight like you can, so you did something I couldn't, too. Different skills."

But she couldn't wait forever; the question had to be addressed. "He was barely more than a child. Young, as you say. He probably didn't even know any better. I wanted to help him find a better life. He could have come with us to the church, or even stayed with us till we were back at Lightsword Hall. I thought... that it wasn't too late for him. That we could save him. Just like I think it isn't too late for you. He was just a boy, and I wanted to give him a chance."

Then, not accusingly, and with her eyes still focused on the horse, "Why did you kill him, when you knew I was trying to talk to him?"

[Jenica Sabiny]

The fae's discomfort went unnoticed as the vampire raised her eyes to look at the horse again. She focused on the creature closely, listening to its heartbeat and blood as the duskling spoke of her skills. It was fortunate the duskling had come; now that the threat was gone, Jenica saw the dulled and used trap lying underneath the horse. She was tempted to move closer and inspect it, but the horse was already struggling with her proximity as it was. She decided to spare it, and instead focused back on the fae.

She had never been to Lightsword Hall, and tilted her head with a creased brow when the fae mentioned the name. But she remained focused on the question presented, and found herself more confused. The fae was asking her why she'd killed the boy. The vampire didn't understand why. Her confusion coloured her tone, buoyed by the newfound strength from having recently fed.

"Why not?"

She took one finger, crooking it enough that the nail dug into her skin, and drew it across her throat. Her finger trailed an indention, but she did not break the skin with the gesture.

"Wanted to kill you."

Beyond this, she could not reason why the fae cared for the boy's life. He'd wanted to kill her; pretty words couldn't have changed that. She'd killed him before he had a chance to kill the duskling. It was the simple annihilation of a threat. An odd phrase entered her mind, a phrase used to indicate a lost cause. She tried it out, unsure if her meaning would come through - but she was not the type to be shy.

"Dog would've bitten. Better to kill."

Now a hand reached up to press against her bloodied chest. Hand, chest, and face - all covered in blood. She did not try to lower her voice; this was a conviction she felt was true beyond all doubt.

"Like me."

[Lylessa Uluki]

"He was dangerous, with that knife," Uluki agreed. "And you can be dangerous too. But that doesn't mean it's better for either of you to be dead. You don't want to die, do you? If you did, why would you have come with us in the first place? And I'm sure the boy didn't want to die either. I was hoping he would have a chance to live, just like you're getting one."

Uluki sighed deeply, and the horse shied slightly at the sudden noise, but calmed again an instant later. Keeping her voice gentle so as not to scare the horse further, Uluki nevertheless addressed Jenica still. "I'm not angry at you for what happened. I know you were just trying to protect me, and I'm grateful for that protection. But... he was just a child. I can't help but feel sad about the death of a child."

***

Since Uluki was obviously completely engaged in talking to Jenica, it was Rollick who responded to Julen. "I see. I don't mean to prolong something unpleasant, but if it's such a gory matter, what use is there in bathing first? Perhaps we should deal with the body now, lest we bloody ourselves again? I will do it if you wish."

Not a task Rollick was looking forward to, but as a warrior he had learned to take blood and death in stride. He wasn't about to try to talk Julen into doing something that he wasn't prepared to take on himself.

Glancing over at Jenica, Rollick asked, almost as an aside, "How is she? Better after she's... eaten?" It wasn't an inquiry about Jenica's health-- Rollick was wondering whether she posed a danger-- but he couldn't think of any other way to phrase it that didn't seem utterly offensive.

[Jenica Sabiny]

This had clearly not occurred to the vampire - that taking a young life meant anything more than taking an older one. Her eyes shifted to look at some of the bodies littered about the wagon. The ones visible were too covered in blood to determine an age, but the sizes of the bodies was clear enough. These were adults; the one who'd held the duskling had been young. But how young was irrelevant to the vampire. His age served no purpose. The knife he'd held to her throat did.

The fae's point did not go wasted. Jenica crossed her arms and creased her brow in a dramatic "v", considering the implications. She was being carted towards the hope of a better life. Perhaps the fae could have served the same purpose for the boy.

But this was in stark contrast to the vampire's need to defend those who formed the party. She refused to allow any member of this party to be threatened while she had the ability to fight. Their efforts were not unnoticed by the vampire. She only knew two ways to show her appreciation - and her male had made it clear one of those methods was reserved for him only.

She answered the fae's question belatedly, taking her normal time to process information before blurting what first came to mind.

"Came because he wanted it."

She turned her head enough to see the males where they stood, in the corner of her eye. Her nostrils flared as she slid her eyes back to regard the fae with a sidelong glance.

"Said he'd help kill me if I didn't."

Her voice remained quiet and monotone, lacking any inflection to indicate annoyance or fear at this pronouncement. But she did not want to die. Doing as her male wished was only part of her reason for coming. When convincing her that the journey was worthwhile, he'd said he would help the warriors kill her. Any protests she might have voiced died in that moment; there was no other option. She did not want to leave her male, and she did not want to die. He wanted her to become human; saying no would have left her the target of a hunting party she wasn't sure she could win against.

The decision was made easy when it was no decision at all.

[Julen]

Julen nodded at Rollick. “I agree with you, in principle. But I think Jenica has a point. If any of our foes return while we’re bathing, the body in there is likely to keep them out.” Not that they were hauling chests of gold with them, but the wagon contained their bedding, their food rations, and some other miscellaneous supplies. Better if those things weren’t looted. “And thank you, but I’ll take care of it when we get back. It’s the least I can do.”

And that reminded Julen of another grisly task which still remained to be done. Beckoning for Rollick to follow him, Julen began to walk amongst the corpses, making sure that all life truly had fled from them. Fortunately, most were quite dead. Jenica certainly couldn’t be faulted for leaving her kills incomplete.

Rollick’s question caused Julen to pause a moment. Lifting his head, he glanced over at the vampire. It was easy to understand Rollick’s concern. Jenica might have fought to protect them, but she could still be unpredictable, changing from kind to cruel in an instant. “I think she’s better after she’s fed. More stable. More human. But I may not be the best judge.”

A grim sigh accompanied that confession. “Just before we were attacked, I thought she wanted to...you know, fool around a little. But that wasn’t what she wanted at all. If it hadn’t been for the shackles, I’d be wishing I’d died as quickly as that kid who had a knife to Uluki’s throat.”

At that moment, as if aware that Julen and Rollick were talking about her, Jenica glanced in their direction. Then she returned her attention to Uluki. But her brief interest made Julen strain extra hard to hear the next words she spoke.

Said he'd help kill me if I didn't.

A sort of sickly shame filled Julen, like tar clogging his veins. When she put it like that...it sounded so cold. As if he’d intentionally used the threat of violence to coerce her. As if he hadn’t nearly gotten down on his knees and begged her not to make him extinguish the source of his heart’s fire. But, technically, she was right. He’d said that. And he had to live with knowing that he’d meant it.

“I’m not the man for this, Rollick. It should be Karsimir. Or you. I love her, but I can’t be what she needs.”

They’d nearly finished their inspection of the battlefield. But as Julen approached the last corpse, he saw its hand twitch. Swiftly, resolutely, Julen drove the point of his sword through his fallen opponent’s throat. “I’m going to fail her. I feel it in my gut.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki couldn't help feeling sorry for Jenica. It was a difficult position to be in, having to go along with a plan you were nervous about, or die. But she also felt Julen had done the right thing. Jenica couldn't be allowed to kill people at will simply to avoid having to give her an unpleasant ultimatum.

"And you came along. I'm glad. Glad for both of you. It would hurt Julen to lose you, and I certainly don't want you to die. That's the choice I was trying to give the boy. To let him save his life."

She met Jenica's eyes, for the first time in the conversation. "Do you understand now why I did that?"

***

Rollick nodded his agreement with Julen's plan, but said no more, as Julen seemed to have things well in hand. He gave another brisk nod when Julen explained how Jenica was after feeding.

A frown creased his brow when Julen mentioned how he'd nearly been killed during a session of hanky-panky. Rollick wasn't quite sure what to say. "I am glad you were not harmed. But we can hope it will be a short time before she is restored to her humanity. In the meantime... be careful, won't you? I don't want to see you hurt."

When Julen expressed doubt about whether he could help her, though, Rollick shook his head vehemently. "I do not agree. You love her, and love means a great deal. That is something neither Karsimir nor I can claim. Besides, you've already given her your word. To break it would only do damage."

Julen's assertion about failing worried Rollick even more. "I know it is a difficult task. But if you go into it believing you will fail, then you will. If Jenica is to have any hope at all, you must give her that hope. Even if it is hard for you, you cannot give up, or all truly will be lost."

[Jenica Sabiny]

No. She did not understand. Her male claimed he wanted to help her because he loved her. Was the duskling saying that she loved the boy? She hadn't known the boy, and she had a mate that she loved. They were always touching in some way, always deferring to each other, often together. They were a unit. Even the vampire could see this. The fae loved her husband; loving the boy was not the answer.

She had a flashback to when she'd first met her male. Weeks ago, before she knew his name or anything beyond he was a male who had the scent of at least two women wafting about his frame. She'd provoked him into a fight out of boredom, and spared his life so that the fae would not need to watch her human friend die. She had held a knife to his throat then. And here they were on a journey to grant her mortality again. An attempt to save whatever piece of her that might still be somewhat human.

She had nearly killed him, and now he was trying to give the body life.

She looked at the men again, this time her eyes fixing on Julen for an extended period. She could have heard their conversation easily; the words were clear enough to her. But she was too lost in thought to pay attention. She was remembering his defeat that night; remembering how he'd given her blood after a fight some time later, to spare her some minute amount of pain; remembering his face contorted in pleasure as he slammed inside of her, and his looks of disappointment or sadness when she said something he did not want to hear. All of this had happened because she had threatened his life, so many weeks ago, and he had forgiven her for it.

She looked at the duskling again with her face contorted in a look as foreign to her as the sensation of a beating heart. Understanding pursed her lips and raised her eyelids enough to remove the perpetual lazy stare. She met the fae's eyes for one brief moment of shining lucidity, and when she spoke her tone was quiet and pure, even lilting - the monotone had vanished.

"Yes," she spoke, and she looked again at Julen she drew more breath to finish her sentence.

"I understand."