June 10th, 2008 - 14:01
For all appearances me and "her" are now split up, insofar as I can surmise from what's been going on the past few days. I'm not sure how I feel about that at all, it's like I have no feelings whatsoever on the subject. Maybe that's significant in itself, I don't know. I do know that I've left her to be a single mum for about three days now and she's chasing after me trying to basically get me to clean her house for her, since she's trashed it yet again. Which seems to be all there is left for us, really - she trashes the house under the pretence of "tidying", I leave it for a long time to see if she'll tidy up, figure out that she won't, blitz it, and then we'll start all over again.
I left her to be a single mum because she was complaining that she felt like one. So I thought she might benefit from knowing what being a single mum entails, and maybe if there is any future for us she won't throw that phrase around quite so lightly, because that's annoying. It basically disregards the help and emotional support I give her, and suggests that all single mums really have someone like me to fall back on when things get too much. This is, of course, bollocks, as we in the real world all know.
Maybe that's the problem. Maybe she just doesn't live in the real world. I don't know. I'm not even sure I'm that bothered any more, which is the worst part. I still wanna see my son, make no bones about that, and will be taking 50% access once I'm sure of what's going on here.
And now, to the other problems. Having lost my job, and really, despite all my determination on Friday, having little or no enthusiasm to jobseek, this lovely "new flat" idea seems to have been shoved unceremoniously onto the back burner. It can come off once I've been able to keep a job for longer than a month or so, which should be easier if me and her are not together. That being said, I have already considered the possibility that she'll still phone me, perhaps to "tell me something about Luke" - in reality it'll just be to get me fired. I'm still a little bitter about that one. But here comes the vengeance side of things.
Firstly, I haven't seen her since Saturday, which is only three days ago, but still she has technically been a single mum for those three days. I haven't answered the phone, and honestly have no credit even if I wanted to phone her. With it being Tuesday today, we're meant to have couple's counselling tonight, and if she goes, it'll be there she finds out I lost my job. And that it was her fault. And we'll be deciding once and for all on our future tonight. In one hour.
Damn, it sounds like a TV show.
Given the sheer amount of shit that's been going on, I think I could do with a break from... everything for a while. Not to mention that having a broadband connection is difficult when you no longer live in the house with the broadband installed.11th June, 2008 - 09:03 | Status: Private
Well, she didn't turn up to couple's counselling. Which is fine, not a problem, although it would have been nice if she'd have phoned, the counsellor, Liz, and I are good friends, and we basically had a nice chat. She seemed quite pleased with my decision, not least because of the fact that the only time we've spoken previously was about two months ago and she pretty much told me things weren't gonna get any better for me. She would never tell me to leave her, but I could kinda tell that was the intention behind what she said.
So, when I got home, she phoned. She must have known I'd gone to counselling alone, because she started accusing me of things that I'd done with Liz, which I took great pleasure in setting her straight on. The conversation went roughly something like this:
Her: So you went by yourself? Alone with Liz?
Me: Yeah, I did. We had a nice chat.
Her: What about?
Me: She's a relationship counsellor. What the fuck do you think we talked about?
Her: No need to be like that. Oh, no, wait, I insulted your bit on the side, didn't I.
Me: What on earth are you on about woman?
Her: I've seen the way you two look at each other.
Me: Yes. Despair over what I'm going to do with you.
Her: So you two can be together.
Me: You are fucking insane.
Her: I must have been, to stay with you for so long.
[note that up to this point she'd been really quite aggressive and sure of herself.]
Me: Well, not anymore.
[And then suddenly flipped to quiet, shocked mode. Quite a big difference.]
Her: What do you mean?
Me: If you can't be bothered to come to relationship counselling then you obviously don't care about our relationship. I'll phone you at the weekend to let you know when I'll be picking the baby up. Don't phone me. [phone goes down here].
Well, that was fun. Ish. In some ways, I kinda wish we could have stayed civil for the sake of the baby, but given the amount of hostility coming out of her I quickly realised that wasn't going to happen.
So, the upshot of this is simple. Once "The Hunt" is done, I will disappear my characters and probably my OOC for the summer. I think that should be long enough, a couple of weeks to sort my head out whilst I'm not in a plot. I realise that Julian is involved with Zou's thread and at some point soon I'll need to extricate him from that plot so I don't leave you guys stranded waiting for me to post all summer.
I will be back. Although when is a little hazy at present. Just forewarning really, since when I'll be leaving is also dependant on the two plots I'm writing in. I just can't really commit to this at present since it's nigh on impossible to think straight as myself, let alone Xy, Zeb, or Julian.
