Hard Truths

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki smiled at him. “I’ll be happy to help if I can. I don’t really know anything about making illusions, but I do know what it feels like to have magic running through my body. That may or may not be useful to you, but I’m willing to try. As for whether it would make things more dangerous for me…”

She sighed. “I don’t know that it makes much difference. It is illegal to use magic in Marn, not to be magical— but the caveat is that all magic users are supposed to tell the Judges what they can do, so the Judges can decide if it’s safe. Not telling them is a crime. But at the same time, from everything I’ve been told, someone like me, someone Fae, has no hope of a fair hearing. To turn myself in would mean torture, imprisonment… maybe even death. So I’m without any very good options. My mere existence is illegal here. Whether or not I’m caught doing magic is unlikely to matter much, if they find out I’m here at all. For me, just being alive is a crime.” She softened that with a gentle smile. “So of course, I’m happy to help. If it turns out there’s anything I can do.”

Martin had started squirming a little, so Uluki set him down, and he alternated between crawling and practicing wobbly baby steps.

She nodded when Julen told her of his plan to speak to Aorle. That seemed like a wise course of action, and she had already given all the advice she could on the subject.

Uluki looked down in shame when Julen picked up on her comment about having killed someone. But of course he’d be surprised. He’d never seen that side of her. “I didn’t always have magic that was just for healing. I used to be a powerful combat caster. I didn’t fight people often. Mostly golems and magical constructs and that sort of thing. I rarely fought by myself. So… you should know that. I’ve been in battle, and not just as a healer.”

She kept her eyes focused on the baby, partly because he needed to be supervised, but also to avoid meeting Julen’s gaze. “I could conjure fire, and ice, and use them as weapons. A few other things too, but those were my main powers. But… not anymore. By choice. I started to feel too conflicted. Too torn. Sometimes people we fought and didn’t kill became our friends. So I started to think… what if others could have too, if they had stayed alive? Rollick and I began as mortal enemies, and now I trust him more than anyone. I could have killed my soul mate, if the battle had gone differently. I didn’t want to be the one who made that choice. I didn’t want the power of death in my hands anymore. Only that of preserving life. So I chose to give up my other powers, and just heal. And I’m glad.”

“But you need to know that to understand what happened. How I killed someone by accident. It was a duel, but not the kind where people die. More like…” She struggled for the word. “…Like a contest, to see who was more skilled. He was our tribe’s ancient shaman, and I was… young. Arrogant. Foolish. I thought I was better than him. I channeled more magic than my body could control, to prove I had more power… and I couldn’t contain it. It burst out of me, and it killed him. It made his heart stop. It was too much for him, just like it was too much for me. I didn’t mean to kill him. I was a stupid child, but in spite of my selfishness, I liked him. No one was supposed to die that day. I wanted to win. To show off. To have people think I was powerful. So foolish.”

A couple of tears for the dead shaman leaked out of her eyes, and she wiped them away with her sleeve, keeping her voice carefully controlled. “It was many years ago. My tribe shunned me— they took me back after awhile, only to shun me again when Martin was conceived. When the old shaman died and they sent me away, I went off alone, and I learned. I learned to control my magic. It never happened again. No more magical accidents. But once was too many times.”

She looked up, her eyes a little red. “I don’t think that will happen to you. I don’t think your magic will hurt anyone like that. You’re a good person. But I… I’ve done bad things, and I have evil blood. So when my magic got out of control, it killed. Because of who I am.”

“So… that’s what happened,” she finished a little lamely. “I understand if you don’t want to be around me anymore. I promise I’m not dangerous, not now, but… I know you must surprised, and I wouldn’t blame you for being afraid.”

Who wouldn’t fear someone whose magic had killed, and whose evil blood had released a god of chaos and destruction?

[Julen]

Julen’s eyes widened when Uluki spoke about her former talent for combat magic. He tried to imagine her standing on a battlefield, hurling fire and ice at her foes, but the picture just wouldn’t form. That Uluki seemed nearly irreconcilable with the Uluki he’d come to know. However, Julen didn’t doubt her word. Uluki was fey. She had already lived several human lifetimes, and would doubtlessly live many more. Change was inevitable.

Or was it? Did most of the Fair Folk remain ageless, timeless? Was change some foreign disease that had infected Uluki because of her exposure to humans?

Aware that his thoughts had started to drift, Julen brought them back to the subject at hand. “I respect the decision you made -- putting aside your aggressive magic so you could focus on healing.” Julen knew that his own path lay in a different direction. Then again, so did Aorle’s, and Rollick’s, and that of every other Lightsword. Uluki clearly didn’t condemn those who still lived as she once had. “Of course, such a choice can never be mine. But I understand. As you know, I have struggled with many of the same thoughts and doubts which led you to make it.”

Uluki’s description of how she’d lost control of her magic during the duel sounded disturbingly familiar. Julen had thought the worst threat he posed was casting uncontrolled illusions, as he’d done during the Panterras ambush. But what if his magic, the raw energy of it, entered someone else? What if it made their heart stop? Gods! This just got better and better.

As soon as the first tear appeared, Julen moved to comfort his friend, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “It was an accident, Uluki. A terrible and tragic accident. I won’t ask that you stop crying, because we should never be ashamed to mourn those we’ve lost. And I won’t ask you to stop feeling bad, because I know that regret over what happened is part of what drives you to live a good life, to help so many others. But please, don’t think yourself evil.”

Stepping away from Uluki, Julen lifted Martin, careful to keep the infant from being poked or pinched by any part of his armor. “Look at this beautiful child. I don’t believe that tainted blood could have produced such a fine boy.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki was relieved when Julen didn’t seem afraid of her, or even overly upset. She appreciated the comfort he offered, but even more, she appreciated his understanding, and that he didn’t judge her. “Martin is a good baby. You’re right. There’s nothing evil in him. Rollick and I are very proud of him.” She smiled at her son, still in Julen’s arms, and Martin smiled back.

“I’ve never had any babies besides Martin. Obviously. But the baby isn’t the only thing my blood has done. The other thing isn’t so nice.” She looked at her feet for a moment, then back at the baby as she spoke, meeting his eyes rather than Julen’s.

“Where we used to live, there was some kind of flaw in the barrier that separates the worlds. Things were coming in from the other world, and it was causing lots of problems. Too much magic. People were getting hurt, going mad, even dying. There were some scientists who said they’d found a ritual to make it stop, but they needed special blood for it. They said it would help, and I believed them, so I gave them mine. It didn’t take much blood. I wasn’t in any danger. But… it wasn’t as they said. They weren’t trying to make the barrier more solid. They were trying to break it down entirely. They lied.”

“It didn’t work. Not fully. The barrier didn’t stay down. But it let in a lot of things from the other world all at once, and a lot more magic. That magic released the evil god. My blood released it. All the people who got hurt, it was because of me. All that Rollick suffered when he was possessed, he might not have if not for that blood I gave the scientists. Rollick didn’t blame me. He said it wasn’t my fault, because I didn’t do it on purpose. Aorle agrees. So I feel less guilty than I did at the time. But still…”

Uluki looked up, finally making eye contact with Julen. “My blood released an evil god. How could blood that isn’t evil do that? Wickedness called to wickedness, and I visited a horror upon the world. No matter how good I’ve tried to be, on the inside I’m bad. My blood unleashed hell.”

“That’s why I couldn't go see the angel with the rest of you. She would know. She would hurt me. Smite me. Or else make me go away, and that would be worse; I’d die without my family. She would probably think I would corrupt the other people here if she knew I was there. I couldn’t let her see me. Because she would know the bad things I’ve done, and about the evil blood.”

Full of shame and self-recrimination, she abruptly tried to change the subject. “You said you and Rosemary were… distracted… last night? Does that mean things are better between you? I was hoping they would be.”

[Julen]

Julen listened carefully while Uluki explained about the release of the evil god. Some of his mother’s stories had mentioned a barrier separating the human world from the land of the fey, but never in quite this context. And she’d certainly never told him a tale involving scientists. Julen imagined them as particularly powerful sorcerers who specialized in blood magic. Apparently, like many powerful sorcerers, they had proved themselves to be as treacherous as they were ambitious.

“I’m sure you don’t need another person telling you this, but Rollick and Aorle are right. You chose the path that you believed was the correct one. You gave of yourself to help others. No one can do more than that.”

“More importantly, after being betrayed, you didn’t become jaded. You didn’t lose your trust in people. You haven’t let the fear of being tricked again keep you from aiding everyone who comes to you. Doubtlessly, the scientists were not the last people who took advantage of your generous nature. I see a similar exploitation from some of the refugees. It makes me sick, the way they accept your healing, and then moan about fairy trickery. If I were you, I would have punched someone in the face by now.” For a moment, rare anger darkened Julen’s eyes. But he quickly blinked it away and smiled. “But you’ll just keep helping them. That’s your way, your strength. And you shouldn’t ever feel ashamed of it.”

Martin was making a spirited effort to grab Julen’s tabard, so Julen handed him back to his mother -- as much as Julen enjoyed holding the infant, it seemed disrespectful to let him drool on Aorle’s emblem. “I’m not much of an expert on evil. Aorle says it’s when we make selfish choices that harm others. In that respect, I don’t see how blood can be evil, since it doesn’t chose to do anything. It’s just blood.”

“As for Amaranda...with the exception of Aorle, I think we all must look pretty bad to the eyes of an angel. Krarug killed knights, slaughtered entire villages. Sigvard and Thetta were little better than pirates. I’ve had thoughts I would not want an angel to read. Only, all that didn’t seem to matter to her.” Julen’s eyes slipped shut as he recalled the golden light, the voice like a sacred prayer. Even after several days, the memory nearly dragged him to his knees. “I understand being afraid. I was afraid, too. But she was so beautiful. Even if she had struck me down, I would have died happier for having seen her.”

Julen shook his head and opened his eyes. “Except, I don’t think Amaranda is the smiting sort of angel. She doesn’t seem angry. Just sad. Like she doesn’t hate us for our mistakes, she just feels sorry that we made them. Maybe that’s why she sacrificed her wings. So she could be closer to us. So she could know what it is to be flawed, earthbound, and bleeding from wounds that no amount of time will ever heal.”

Uluki’s question about Rosemary brought Julen out of his reverie, and a blush crept across his cheeks. “Yes. Things are much better now. I spoke with Rollick, and she spoke with Aorle, and I think we both gained some valuable insight. I’m sure there are still bumps in the road ahead of us. But I hope we’ll learn how to handle each one together.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki ducked her head shyly at Julen’s praise. That he saw strength or generosity in her actions surprised her. How was it strong or generous to follow her calling? Uluki was a healer. Nothing less would be acceptable. She had acted out of necessity, not some kind of valour or honour. She had done her duty, but there was nothing more in it than that.

If you asked Uluki if she had ever made a sacrifice for another person, she would have answered, with complete sincerity, that she had not. The things she had done for others at her own expense, she considered simple prioritizing. She had made her choices as freely as circumstances would allow, and when she had given of herself on behalf of another it had been because it was what she wanted to do. Uluki was far from a saint, and her help was no sacrifice, no matter what it cost her.

“I’ll keep helping them. And maybe someday they’ll decide they like me. Even if they never do, it’s worth it. It’s better for people to be healed.”

Uluki took Martin back and kissed him, and he snuggled close, grabbing the material of her dress in his little hands and gently butting his head against her as he cuddled his way back into her arms.

It’s just blood. For a moment Uluki’s mind desperately latched onto that. She wanted to believe that Julen was right. She didn’t want to have evil flowing through her veins. She imagined how it would feel, the ease of being able to set down that burden she’d carried for a decade…

But no, Julen couldn’t be right. Blood wasn’t just blood. Not for her. They hadn’t just needed blood for their ritual. They’d needed her blood. Her blood was special, but not in a good way. Special in a way that released chaos and destruction. To imagine otherwise would be to lie to herself. She said nothing further to Julen about it— it seemed to serve little purpose to argue over what to her was evident truth, whether or not he agreed— and quietly shouldered the burden again.

Julen’s words about Amaranda distracted her from those thoughts an instant later, however. She listened with wonder and rapt attention; though she had not seen the angel herself, Uluki had quite a bit of reverence for a being so pure and good. Just imagining it filled Uluki with awe.

She nodded when Julen said he could die happier for having seen Amaranda, but Uluki knew it was not an option for her. It would have been, many years ago, but not now. Her family needed her, and would grieve for her. She couldn’t risk leaving them for the sake of seeing an angel. That would be utterly selfish. And truth be told, Uluki would rather go her whole life without seeing an angel than be separated from Rollick and her children. They were like angels to her anyway. There was no experience— no height of beauty or wonder— that she would trade for their beloved, familiar faces.

Maybe Julen was right that Amaranda wouldn’t hurt her. But such a pure and noble being could not have much use for a tainted one like Uluki. Uluki had fought the darkness, but the darkness had left its mark. So had the words of people who had told her before that she was evil; those scars would not be easily erased.

No amount of reassuring words, no matter how sincere or well intentioned, could convince her that Amaranda was not an object of fear. If Amaranda came back, Uluki would flee till the angel left again. If she couldn’t run away, she would hide. If she couldn’t hide, she would fall prostrate on the ground and hope this self-abasement was enough to make the angel overlook her, either not notice her at all or decide she wasn’t worth the bother of smiting. But afterward, after Amaranda was gone and Uluki had returned or come out of her hiding place, she would take great comfort and pleasure in hearing the stories told about the angel.

“Thanks, Julen. For telling me about her. She sounds beautiful, and very kind and good. I’m glad you got to see her. I hope she won’t always be hurt. Maybe someone will find a way to heal her.”

If Amaranda had been human, or just about anything other than what she was, Uluki would have gladly volunteered for the job. But offering to heal an angel, suggesting putting her contaminated hands on holy flesh, seemed like a blasphemy. She wasn’t even sure she could heal such a being, and to attempt it seemed profane.

“I’m glad things are better with you and Rosemary. You’re such a good couple. I want you to be very happy.” Then, suddenly aware she’d been keeping him talking longer than she’d intended, “I’m sorry, I’m sure you have duties today, and I’m keeping you from them. I should attend to my own tasks as well. Thanks for talking to me, though. And… for understanding. In spite of everything: what Panterras said, what I’ve told you, all of it. You’re a good friend. I’m glad to know you.”


***


Rollick wasn’t quite sure what to say to Thetta. He didn’t want to come across as bossy or interfering, or to seem like he was questioning her abilities— especially when, in fact, the opposite was true. He had great respect for her, both for her skills and for her strong mind and heart.

And to be perfectly honest, though he felt much better about the whole thing after talking to Julen, he was still slightly wounded to have apparently been replaced in training the refugee militia. The “apparently,” of course, was because no one had informed him about it directly… but the evidence of his eyes suggested Thetta was completely filling the role, and he was no longer needed. It was still a rather sore subject for him, and one Rollick would just as soon never bring up with Thetta… or Aorle, or anyone else, for that matter.

However, given what the immediate future would hold, it seemed necessary to speak to Thetta, at least. Feeling slightly leaden, he approached the warrior woman and broached the topic.

“Thetta, I know you and the rest of the Lightswords will be headed for Shim soon. I do not wish to interfere, but if you wanted someone to keep up the combat training for the refugee group in your absence, I would be happy to assist you.”

“I don’t mean to imply you need help from an old man to do the job. I just thought you might not wish their practice to lapse while you were gone.” So far, so good. He didn’t think he was coming off as emotional. “I would enjoy such, truth be told. It is a worthy project and…” He paused for a split second, sorting through the ideas he’d had and the plans he’d made, back when he’d thought it was his project. He decided none of it was needed. She would have her own strategies, and it was not his place to stick his nose in her business. “…I would, of course, do my best to uphold the standard you have set.”

He knew she wouldn’t dismiss him to his face. She had too much discipline, and too much respect for those who shared her calling. But he did worry about how she and her fellow Lightswords viewed him. A useless old man, long past his prime? A meddling fool with nothing better to do with his time than stick his fingers in work that was well in hand? He would likely never know, so he banished his doubts and gave her a collegial smile, trying to come off as helpful rather than pushy, and as though how she answered would not affect his feelings.

[Falcon Bertille]

Julen nodded when Uluki reminded him of the things they both needed to be doing. He could tell that his argument about her blood hadn't taken root. However, like her, he didn’t see any point in debating it. Her self-image had been formed by years of people telling her she was evil, and it would take years of people telling her otherwise to truly shift it. Julen was content to be one of those people. He could be patient, when he needed to be. Seeds didn't spring from the ground the moment you planted them. Orchards didn't bear fruit overnight.

"You're a good friend too, Uluki. I’m glad we met." After giving Martin a final smile, Julen bobbed his head in farewell, and headed off to begin the day's tasks.

*****

Thetta stood at attention, close enough that her shoulders occasionally brushed against the wall behind her, but not depending on it for support. Thetta didn't depend on other things for support. Instead, she held her body with the rigid strength of a statue. The only motion an observer might notice was the slow sliding of her eyes, which kept careful watch on Sasha and Tam while the pair ran their morning laps around the compound.

As usual, Sasha was panting and stumbling, making a great show of being exhausted. Or crippled. But her attempts won her no signs of sympathy on the Thetta's impassive face. Always a little behind her friend, Tam trotted along, looking considerably more cheerful. Thetta wasn't entirely sure what to make of Tam. When Thetta had first gone to shake Sasha awake, to begin the grueling process of making her a true warrior, Tam had also crawled from her bedding, as if there was no question that she would be included in the training.

When she noticed Rollick approaching, Thetta relaxed her posture a little, giving him a respectful nod. She hadn't had much opportunity to speak to the elder warrior. But she’d observed the equal partnership he shared with his wife, and that had already won him a fair bit of Thetta's esteem. "Greetings Rollick. How fare you this morning?" Rollick's general aura of unhappiness completely escaped her. Thetta could be shrewd, but not particularly empathic.

"I would be most grateful for your help," Thetta admitted, after Rollick made his offer to train the refugees during her absence. "Already, their progress is too slow for my liking. Best not to lose any time while I'm away.” Furrowing her brow, Thetta released a frustrated sigh. "It is difficult to turn fear into fire. I don't seem to be able to inspire the proper...zeal."

Rollick's comment about his age earned a raised eyebrow from Thetta. "An old man is exactly who I would seek for aid. I do not know how things are where you came from. But in the Northlands, life is hard. They say that only the very strong, the very wise, or the very lucky survive long enough to grow old. Myself, I do not believe in luck."

As Sasha and Tam jogged past, Thetta remembered a further task that would need to be done while she was away. "Since you have already offered this much, perhaps I could impose on you for one more thing?" Thetta nodded at Sasha and Tam’s retreating figures. "I have taken on the responsibility for making Sasha a warrior. But she is still far too green to accompany us to Shim, and I'm worried that any lapse in her regime will cause her to slide back into complete decadence. Perhaps you could also continue her training?"

"It will not be easy. I do not doubt that having a new instructor will encourage her to try all her tricks with renewed enthusiasm. She will cry, and whine, and beg. But you cannot show her a moment’s pity -- she will only see your mercy as weakness and try to exploit it. She calls me an unfeeling monster several times a day." Thetta’s lips curled into a slight smile. "I’ve learned to take it as a compliment."

"As for Tam, I have made no vow concerning her. Mainly because I am not convinced that becoming a warrior lies within her grasp.” Thetta shook her head. “But it seems cruel to separate her from her friend, and she does all that I ask without complaint, so I continue to allow her participation. If a time comes when you feel it would be wise to cut her loose, you are free to do so."

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Rollick was, truth be told, rather surprised Thetta was concerned about the speed of her charges' progress. It had only been a few days; he would not have expected things could be much better.

"Zeal may take time. And perhaps that is for the best. Many with ample zeal get themselves killed for lack of discipline. By teaching them discipline while their confidence is building, you will instill in them something valuable that will serve them when they are more sure of themselves. I would sooner see a careful warrior than a reckless one; reckless warriors are a danger to themselves and to their companions."

He studied the two running women for a moment. "Asking for fire may be premature. Their lives and their oppressors have done their best to douse that, and such lessons can be hard to unlearn. It may be that for now, all they are capable of are sparks and embers, but that is something. They can be fanned into flame with time and care. Such a nurtured flame will not soon burn out."

Her comment about age made Rollick feel a bit better. Though how she and the others viewed him made no practical difference, the knowing still mattered. "I do not believe in luck either. Though I am not as young as I used to be, experience does provide some benefits."

"I will, of course, be willing to supervise Sasha in your absence. I agree that she should not accompany you to Shim. Not only is she inexperienced, but she has not yet proven herself trustworthy. She must demonstrate that her companions can rely upon her before she is given such a responsibility. I think you are correct to leave her here." There was no judgment placed on Sasha by this statement, merely fact. His tone suggested that she could prove trustworthy-- she simply had not yet done so. "I will insist that she holds to the terms of the agreement she made with you. Even if that results in less-than-cordial dealings between Sasha and me."

He paused a moment, then added, "You are doing a good thing for Sasha, whether or not she sees it. Your willingness to take on this task, unpleasant as it is, speaks well of both your kindness and your wisdom. Well done."

To Rollick, kindness was indeed an important quality in a warrior. Though such a calling was to death, blood, and carnage in battle, mere skill with a blade that was not tempered by mercy for those deserving of it turned a man or woman into a monster. Rollick saw no contradiction at all in his belief that a warrior, no matter how deadly on the field, also ought to be kind.

He nodded his understanding about Tam. "I will keep that in mind. However, I will not discourage her unless continued training seems likely to do an injury to her or someone else, or she begins holding back her fellow trainees consistently. Otherwise, I see no harm in her continuing. If she succeeds, it is all to the good. If she fails, at least she will have strengthened her body, and will not have the regret of wishing she had tried. With the willing, I think it best to err on the side of giving opportunities. Her attitude is good, and she seems willing to work. Tam may yet surprise us."

"Which others are you training? For the civilian militia, I mean. I noticed them practicing yesterday."

[Falcon Bertille]

“Perhaps you are right,” Thetta conceded. “Perhaps I am hoping for too much too soon. I try to excite their bloodlust and they just stare at me like frightened sheep.” Widening her eyes, Thetta imitated a terrified barn animal, and the expression looked particularly comic on her usually harsh face. “Perhaps some patience will yield better results. But patience is a difficult thing for me.”

“I can only draw from my own experience. After I was outlawed, Sigvard and I crossed the Northern wastes alone. Those lands are no place for patience. You fight or you die. If a spark is the best you can muster, you freeze beneath the snow.” For a moment, Thetta’s gaze grew hazy as she remembered that journey. Remembered huddling under a pile of furs during blizzards that seemed to last for days. Remembered a hunger so relentless that she sometimes gnawed on chunks of ice in an attempt to ease it. Then, with a shake of her head, she brought herself back to the present. “Still, I suppose circumstances are less extreme here. I suppose these women have the luxury of a little more time. I will try to give it to them. Thank you for your counsel.”

Rollick’s description of her ‘kindness’ surprised Thetta. She did not think of herself as a bleeding heart. “Really, it is more practicality than charity. I hate to see waste. Much ambition exists in Sasha, as well as a sort of feral cunning -- those things could prove valuable, if channeled in the right direction.” Again, a slight smile crept onto Thetta’s lips. “And, although the comparison is far from flattering, I admit that she does remind me of myself when I was younger.”

“As for Tam...” Thetta struggled to put her concerns about Tam into words. “I admit that she has inspired a certain fondness in me. Of the two, I think she has the better heart. But I find her sweetness disturbing. When the moment comes to take a life, I worry she will hesitate. Those who hesitate in battle seldom live to learn from their mistake.” Drawing a deep breath, Thetta released it through pursed lips. “But agree. She does deserve a chance to try. I hope you are right, and she surprises us all.”

Thetta wasn’t familiar with the term ‘civilian militia’. In the Northlands, there were no true ‘civilians’ -- there were simply tribes who were your enemy and tribes that were not. But she could guess what Rollick was talking about. “Aorle instructed me to pick ten of the women and begin teaching them self-defense.” A rough chuckle escaped Thetta’s throat. “I believe it may have been his attempt to make me shut up. Clearly, I shall have to teach him that silencing me is an impossible task”

“Whatever his reason, I am determined to seize the opportunity. So far, I have selected Jenny, Petra, Tulip, Masha, Callie...” Thetta rattled of the names of five other female refugees. “Their bodies are strong enough to for the training, and they all seem eager to learn. However, if you feel that others would be better suited, I can certainly make changes.”

Remembering what Aorle had told her, Thetta clarified the range from which Rollick could make his selections. “Aorle forbid me from picking any woman who voiced concerns about Uluki. This is just as well, because I would rather spit on that lot than teach them anything. Also, I am not to train Rosemary. Apparently she carries that knife tucked under her skirt in order to spread butter with it.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

"Charity is not a bad thing," Rollick commented mildly, "and can serve a warrior well. However, your practicality also serves good purpose."

"I do not mean to suggest sending Tam into battle until you are sure she is ready. The same goes for any warrior. Unless it can't be helped... and even then, one would have to weigh if she would do more harm than good for her comrades. No, when I speak of continuing her training, I mean only within the safety of the compound. If she never progresses beyond that, so be it. Not all are born with the hearts of warriors-- I speak of men as well as women, of course. We could not be certain of how Tam would be on the battlefield until she actually was in combat, but until you have reasonable confidence in her, best to stick to training."

Rollick was slightly taken aback by Thetta's comment about Aorle. "Surely he would not wish to... shut you up. I think he is wiser than that. Silencing an ally's voice, even a disagreeing one, serves no purpose. Surely he felt you had valuable skills to bring to the job, which seems clear."

He considered the list of refugees Thetta named off. He did not know what to think of her comment about Rosemary, but Rosemary and Aorle were friends, so it seemed best to let them work it out between them. "Your choices are good. All are strong, or have the potential to be so. I have one concern only, as relates to both Jenny and Callie. Both are mothers with the sole care of small children. Teaching them to defend themselves against attackers is well, but sending them deliberately against opponents is a calculated risk of their lives, and of leaving their children orphaned. Now, whether they take such a risk is their choice, but I think it is one you should discuss specifically with them. If they feel their duty is such that the danger is worth it, we shall see their children are provided for if the worst should befall them. I simply think it is necessary that they be reminded of the reality that training here in the compound is preparation for dangerous conditions, so they are fully informed."

The fact they were women was not an issue. Rollick would have the same fear for a father in such a situation-- the only parent of a child-- as he would for a mother. The fear was the creation of a potential orphan, regardless of the gender of the parent. However, he was not even sure how necessary it was to consider such a thing.

"I confess some measure of confusion about what is actually to be done. I suspect Aorle and Uluki have differing concepts of what constitutes self-defence training. What Uluki had in mind-- and why she suggested it be taught to all the women, rather than a select few-- was focused not on combat, but on avoiding it. How to escape a dangerous situation... but a commonplace danger that faces all women, whether or not they know how to defend themselves. Such does not place them at any risk they would not otherwise be in, it simply prepares them to deal with that risk as well as possible. Things like not allowing yourself to be taken to a second location if it can be avoided, how to dodge, how to reduce a man's ability to leverage his strength against you, and so on. It would not turn a person into a warrior, but might help her foil a would-be rapist or mugger. In our old home, such skills were commonly learned by most women, because things were so lawless. Perhaps it is not necessary here, with laws and authorities, but..."

But with men like Snyde and Callie's husband running rampant, one was surely not much safer in Marn, especially if one had the misfortune to be from the shanty town.

"What Aorle has in mind seems rather different. He seems to wish that a select few become able to engage in combat, to directly oppose an enemy, rather than merely survive to flee. Neither approach is, of course, wrong. I am simply unsure of what the commander wishes. He had originally asked me to train a group to defend the compound, and never changed that request. However, it seems rather redundant for me to pick a group and train them when you are already doing what amounts to the same thing. Having separate groups does not make sense, and creates unnecessary divisions."

"Unless Aorle for some reason opposes it, I would see all the refugee women taught to defend themselves by avoiding and escaping danger. A woman cannot live her whole life locked behind walls or depending on others to protect her, any more than a man could. As such, though danger can never be fully avoided, I would prefer to see the women learn to keep themselves as safe as possible. This would interfere not at all with your training of your group; I can see to it myself, and needn't trouble you."

"And since I know the object was not to have the two of us competing for people and resources, it seems I would do best to assume your task has replaced the one I was assigned." He tried not to let his disappointment at that show on his face, but was not entirely successful. "Your newly-minted group of warriors will serve to defend the compound as well as any I could train."

[Falcon Bertille]

Rollick’s reaction to her statement about being silenced elicited another chuckle from Thetta -- a sound rather like two glaciers grinding together. “I am joking,” she assured. “Only a fool insists on silent obedience from his followers. Only a weakling seeks to placate those who serve him. And, while Aorle’s opinion concerning the role of women in battle differs significantly from my own, he is neither of those things. As you say, he gave me this task because he thought I was well suited to fulfill it.” Thetta shrugged, indicating that she’d become accustomed to people missing her attempts at humor. “The fact that it did shut me up is merely an added bonus for him.”

However, Thetta became serious when Rollick voiced his concerns regarding Callie and Jenny. Blonde eyebrows drew together in a knot of puzzlement. “I am not sure what it is that you wish me to tell them. That they might die? Death has haunted them their entire lives. That their children need them? I believe they already know this. Knowing it is why they learn to fight -- so they can defend themselves, and their homes, and all that they hold dear. What better gift is there to give a child?”

Again, Thetta shrugged. “Perhaps there is something I am not considering. You are certainly free to speak to them about anything you feel is necessary.”

Thetta listened with interest while Rollick described the sort of tricks he thought should be learned by all the women at the compound. Granted, Thetta’s idea of self-defense was a sharp blade and the skill to use it, but she’d come to recognize that such measures weren’t practical for everyone. “Those ideas sound very useful. Even for women who wish to learn further combat skills, they would be a good place to start. I think you should arrange to teach them to all who are interested.”

“As for the civilian militia...” Thetta paused, both to consider what Rollick had told her, and to make sure she’d gotten the unfamiliar term right. “Perhaps we should ask Aorle about this matter? Because I, too, am unsure what he intended. If this is meant to be the fighting force we will rely on to protect the compound, it seems senseless to limit it to ten women. Especially when there are perfectly able-bodied men available.”

“And there is another issue.” Thetta glanced at the floor, appearing uncomfortable for the first time during the conversation. “I can train people to fight. But I am not so skilled at training them to work together as a unit. If this group is truly intended to be the civilian militia, then for the safety of all the women here, someone should teach them strategy and tactics. Do you know something of those things?”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Rollick suddenly felt the weight of his years. "I mean merely this. It is easy, when one begins training to be a warrior, to feel powerful beyond the scope of what a human can accomplish. To imagine the glories of battle, and forget that it usually ends with someone dying. For those who have suffered oppression for most of their lives, I suspect this newfound strength would be even more heady. It would be easy to feel one's newly acquired skills made one invincible to danger, when in fact one false move can be the end of even the most skilled warrior. I would rather ere on the side of stating the obvious than allow someone to go into battle not entirely mentally prepared."

"Things change when you have children. Duty becomes more complicated. I have found that true in my own life. If I were lost, my children would not be orphans, but they would suffer. I have made promises to love and protect them. I must weigh my need to defend the innocent, whoever they may be, and to do what is right, with not taking undue or foolish risks. It is a constant act of balance, the duties of family and the battlefield. If Jenny and Callie will face the same questions of balance, which seems inevitable, I would not have them go into it blindly."

He nodded in agreement to Thetta's suggestion about additional people for the militia. "That seems wise. It will be important to find men who are trustworthy as well as physically able, but there are some who might serve."

"The tactics of self-protection I mentioned, and others like these, could be taught easily. It would not take long. A few sessions of practice, at most. I will see to it-- unless, of course, Aorle disapproves. However, it is hard for me to imagine how there could be harm in it. It seems any measure of safety would be a step in a positive direction, even if is not a foolproof way to avoid all possible dangers."

"I do indeed have some experience in the area of training units to coordinate and work together, tactics and strategy. As you saw, I worked with the Lightswords on that area, and have done so previously. During my time in the army, and then also select civilians in our old home. If you would find it helpful, I can work with your group on such things. Provided it does not interfere with your plans."

[Falcon Bertille]

Thetta considered Rollick’s words. Theoretically, she understood the loyalty every parent owed their offspring. It was one of the reasons she’d decided to forgo any family of her own -- so that her devotion to her cause could remain firm and uncomplicated. But it was a distant sort of comprehension. Her heart didn’t know the joys and pains of having a child. “I think you should speak to Callie and Jenny. The words will have more wisdom if they come from someone who shares their experience.”

“As for all that you could teach my group, I would be grateful for it. My plans are to make these women ready for whatever may face them, so your instruction will aid that, not interfere. And perhaps I will be taught something too.” A small smile curled Thetta’s lips. “They say that a wolf is never too old to learn new ways to bring down its prey.”

When their path around the compound once again brought her two pupils close to Thetta, the female warrior raised her hands and smacked them together in a single loud clap. Clearly, the signal needed no words to explain it, because Sasha immediately collapsed in a panting heap. Although Tam looked equally winded, she remained on her feet, and even offered to fetch some refreshment for her fallen comrade. “Would you like me to get you some water, Sasha?”

“She will be fine,” Thetta assured. “I want both of you to come here and meet Rollick. He has agreed to continue your training while I am away.”

Obediently, Tam ambled over. Sasha, however, only made a half-hearted to rise, before sinking back to the floor. “I’m too tired...”

“On your feet!” A dangerous light flashed in Thetta’s blue eyes as she shouted her command. “This man has been warrior for more years than you’ve been sucking breath. Show him the proper respect, or you’ll run around the compound until you wear a groove in the floor.”

Sasha, while petulant, was no fool. Reluctantly, she pushed herself upright and stumbled over. Her gaze was full of misery as she turned it on Rollick. “I suppose you’ll keep torturing us...?”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

"I will speak to Callie and Jenny. Perhaps, at least when I speak to Callie, it would be best to have Uluki accompany me. Callie... is not very fond of me, I think. As far as I know, it is nothing personal, but because Callie's husband abused her, she tends to think the worst of other husbands as well. When those fairy-haters left the bruise on Uluki's face, Callie assumed I had done it. When we spoke before that, she seemed unable to trust me not to do her harm. I am not sure she will listen to me on the subject of parenting."

Rollick sighed. He didn't blame Callie for her mistrust. In her place, he knew he would likely feel the same way. Still, he tried to be a kind man, and being believed otherwise was unpleasant.

"I think perhaps it will help if Callie spends more time around me. While you are in Shim and I am working with the women, she will will surely get to know me better. Maybe that will ease her fears. In the meantime, she seems more comfortable with Uluki than with me. So I hope Uluki's presence will set her at ease somewhat."

He couldn't help thinking back to the last conversation he'd had with Callie, her normally gentle and sweet face twisted with accusation. Looking at him like she despised him. Watching him with suspicion in her eyes as he held and touched his wife, scrutinizing him for signs of cruelty and abuse...

Rollick smiled at Thetta's comment that she might learn from him, and her colourful imagery. "I have no doubt you have things to teach me as well. This wolf is considerably older, but will never be beyond learning."

He regarded Tam with approval when she offered to bring water for her friend. Though obviously tired herself, her first thought was of a comrade. That was well. Whether or not she ever became a warrior, Rollick had no doubt Tam would make some positive impact on the world around her.

Sasha, however, earned a frown and a raised eyebrow. Such drama had no place among warriors. If she truly was tired, he did not fault her for that-- only for her obvious bids for attention.

"Greetings Tam, Sasha," he said evenly. "As Thetta has said, I will be working with you while she is away. You will not find my training any more lenient than hers. If you consider that 'torture,' so be it. However, I suggest you use that word with caution. If you so overstate things, it will be rather hard to take your words seriously."

Rollick couldn't help wondering how anyone who had lived under the brutal rule of a thug like Snyde could refer to anything that happened in the compound as torturous. A more naive person might do so unknowingly, but these women knew what real suffering was. Sasha's lack of differentiation between the two, especially given her own background, baffled him entirely.

"However, there is much I can teach you. If you are willing and focused, and you work hard, I think our time together can be profitable. I look forward to working with you."

That was only half a lie. He did look forward to training Tam, and trying to bring out her potential. The prospect of teaching Sasha was far less appealing, but equally necessary, so he was careful not to let the slightest hint of distaste for the task to show on his face.

[Falcon Bertille]

Thetta had heard about Callie’s husband. And, unlike Julen, she dearly hoped he had died wriggling on the end of her spear. That was the only fate fitting for such a vile man. She did not view the act as depriving Callie of a mate or Joy of a father -- she was simply protecting them from a monster.

“Sometimes, when we have been betrayed by people we cared about, it is hard to trust again. Every stranger we meet seems to wear the face of those who turned against us.” Thetta’s voice remained even, and only the slight flicker of her eyes hinted at any personal pain hidden behind her words. “You are right to give Callie more time. As she gets to know you, she will realize that you are a good man.”

Thetta blinked, slightly startled by the words that had just left her mouth. A good man? Until recently, she would have denied that such a thing existed. Even Sigvard, who she loved with all the ferocity of a raven defending its chicks, hadn’t qualified. Men were measured on a scale ranging from inconvenient to evil -- the best of them presented obstacles, while the worst threatened true danger. And yet, in this place, she had met several men who could only be described as “good”. Strange.

Interestingly, Thetta did not draw the conclusion that her anger must have blinded her to the virtues of other men she’d previously met. Instead, she only thought it was odd that the handful of decent men in the world all seemed to be gathered together under one roof in Marn.

Meanwhile, Sasha and Tam were responding to Rollick.

“Overstate things?” Sasha looked as if Rollick had struck her. “My head aches and I feel dizzy every time I stand up. I’m sure that I have a fever. And I can’t stop coughing.” This was punctuated by the first cough of the morning. “That fairy lady looked me over, and said I was fine, but I know she’s missing something. I’m probably dying! But does anyone here care? No! They make me run in circles when I should be resting.”

Standing behind the two girls, safely beyond their range of vision, Thetta gave Rollick a sympathetic roll of her eyes.

Eventually, Sasha trailed off, in order to indulge in another coughing fit. Taking advantage of the pause, Tam displayed the selective hearing she seemed to employ around her friend. “Hi, Mister Rollick! It’s real nice of you to help train us. Sasha and me are real grateful. Have you been in a lot of battles?”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Rollick regarded Sasha coolly as she listed off her many complaints. "Enemies do not wait for a warrior to be given a clean bill of health. If you truly feel so poorly, you should go speak to Uluki-- the one you call 'the fairy lady,' my wife-- after you have finished the day's training and Thetta has dismissed you. In the meantime, you ought to behave as befits the warrior you are practicing to become. If lives are to depend on your strength and your dedication, both must be honed."

Though his face and tone remained neutral, Rollick's irritation with Sasha was building. The dramatics and hysterical complaints were one thing, but to drag Uluki into it and pretend she wasn't doing her job, merely for the sake of trying to garner sympathy... that grated. Rollick didn't believe for a moment that Uluki had allowed a refugee to remain seriously ill, and it bothered him that Sasha would use Uluki as an excuse, especially when Uluki had nothing to do with the situation at hand. It was all Rollick could do not to snap something curt at Sasha, but instead he simply turned away from her and directed his attention toward Tam and smiled.

"It is my pleasure to assist. Yes, I have fought in many battles." There was no hint of boasting behind the words, merely a factual answer to her question. He did not see the number of times he had fought as a particular source of pride; he had lived many years, and had been a warrior for most of them, so it stood to reason he had been on the battlefield often. He valued the experience it had given him, and the skills he had learned, but the number was just a number.

"My military career began when I enlisted in the army as a young man. Though I did not remain in the army past the expiry of my term of duty, my life since has been devoted to protecting the innocent from those who would harm them. There are many who need someone to fight for them, and I have done my best to help those I could."

"Why is it that you wish to become a warrior?" The question was directed to both Sasha and Tam, though he suspected only Tam would have an actual answer. He was curious about Tam's motivation, as well as being impressed by it.