Adjustments

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki’s mind had been wandering a little— she was concerned about Callie. The woman’s physical safety was no longer in jeopardy, but Uluki was worried about how afraid she still seemed. There was no doubt that healing would be possible for Callie. Uluki was always optimistic about healing being possible; the gods knew she and her loved ones had healed in plenty of ways themselves. Still, Uluki was worried about what Callie would go through in the meantime, and wondered what, if anything, she herself could do to help the woman with her struggle.

Because of this state of distraction, Uluki didn’t immediately put together why Kaydee might have asked the question she did, and she answered it without considering the implications. Dash, Zee, and Kira seemed entirely focused on something Rollick was telling them, so Uluki answered Kaydee with complete frankness, not having to worry about her daughters hearing unwanted details of their parents’ marriage, or about how much or little Kira knew of matters of the heart… and related organs.

“If that had happened, I wouldn’t be with Rollick.” There was a slight tremor in her voice as she spoke that possibility aloud. Not being with him was a frightening thought. “If I’d said my vows to another man, I couldn’t have… well, I still would have been tempted. It would have been hard to resist. As it was I… I tried to resist it. Rollick and I were both free to marry, but I didn’t think he’d want me. I didn’t think I was worthy of his notice. And even if he thought of me in that way, I’m so scarred, and damaged, and strange. I couldn’t imagine that he’d ever want this broken Duskling, when he had so many other people— better people, nicer and more interesting people, beautiful people without wounds and scars— that he could have chosen. So I tried to just see him as a friend. I tried to make my mind… and make my body… stop responding to him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t make it stop. So I decided that if I just hid my feelings from him forever, it would be alright. As long as he didn’t know, we could still be friends. But one day I got brave, or stupid, or both, and I kissed him. Just on the cheek, but he knew then. And once he knew… he told me how he felt about me, and that involved hugging and a lot more kissing.” Uluki smiled at that memory.

“If I’d been married to someone else, I don’t think that kiss would have happened. I think I would have controlled myself. I know I should have controlled myself, because marriage is a promise. It’s not good to break promises, and marriage is a big one. There are reasons that a marriage might end. You shouldn’t stay married to someone who hurts you. Maybe you would leave if the person wasn’t faithful. Or maybe… maybe both people wouldn’t want to be married anymore, and you could decide mutually to cancel the promise.” Uluki found that scenario hard to imagine, but she thought it could probably happen. “But you shouldn’t leave someone who loves you just because you’ve found someone you like better. People aren’t disposable. You never throw them away because you want a different one. If I’d been married when I met Rollick, I know what the right thing would be, even if it caused me pain. I don’t always do the right thing, so I can’t promise you I would have. But I should be faithful to my vows, even if it hurts. It would have been wrong to kiss Rollick if I was married to someone else… no matter how much I wanted to kiss him. And he has too much integrity to pursue another man’s wife.”

“But honestly, Kaydee, if I’d married Garz— that was his name, the other man— I don’t think the marriage would have lasted very long, for other reasons. Things with him weren’t very good. He wasn’t very nice to me. He always said bad things about me, ran me down, made me feel I wasn’t worth anything. He said I didn’t deserve him, and he told me frequently how lucky I was that he put up with me. I felt like nothing most of the time.”

“He wasn’t faithful to me, either. He said it was because I wasn’t good enough. You know… in bed. That I didn’t satisfy him.” Uluki blushed when she said this, not because she was embarrassed to talk about sex— the subject was less taboo in Duskling culture than it was for most humans, so she wasn’t especially uncomfortable— but because she was worried it would change how Kaydee thought of her. Uluki had only slept with one person besides Rollick, and Kaydee had probably been with hundreds of times that number… but Kaydee’s prostitution had been about survival, not lust. Kaydee’s circumstances had offered no other options, but Uluki had been given a choice. If Kaydee expected Uluki had been a virgin bride, maybe now that she knew the truth, she would see Uluki as a slut. A slut with options, whose choices had left her stained and dirty. Uluki didn’t really understand what she saw as the human preoccupation with female virginity— it wasn’t particularly an issue for Dusklings— and for all she knew Kaydee shared that view. “Maybe you think differently of me because of that. Because I slept with someone else first. I thought Rollick would see me differently when I told him, but he didn’t.” Uluki’s eyes were slightly downcast.

“Truth be told, I didn’t really like the sex with Garz. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it. I wasn’t really ready. But there was so much pressure… he didn’t force me, of course. I could have said no, and I would still have been physically safe. His weapons against me were words, not fists. I knew that if I didn’t, he’d leave me, though. He made that clear. And I was too scared to be alone. Whenever I slept with him my mind was full of doubts and second thoughts. My body was always tense because my feelings were so conflicted, so it was uncomfortable and painful and altogether unpleasant. It never occurred to me that there could be pleasure for me in it, it was just what I had to do to make my fiancé love me… and what I always got criticized harshly for not doing well enough to satisfy. It’s different with Rollick, of course. He helped me get over some of those things. He was very patient with me. With him, it’s something I want, not an obligation. He never, ever tells me I’m not good enough. And between you and me, Rollick is much better in bed than Garz was.”

“All this to say, I don’t think the relationship would have survived, regardless. There wasn’t really anything going for it. When a marriage is that wrong, it doesn’t take a different lover to end it. I think you’re giving me too much credit, though. I didn’t see that it was a mistake, not till much later. I didn’t leave him. He left me. My family got angry with me and sent me away because I did something bad, and he didn’t want to go with me. He stopped loving me long before I stopped loving him. It was quite a long time later that I met Rollick. I don’t know how many years; I didn’t count years back then. It was many. I spent a lot of time alone. For a long time, I was lost. Not because I didn’t know where home was, but because no matter where I went, there was no one who wanted me. Not to love, not as a friend, not as a sister, or a daughter… and for a Duskling, being without a family is unbearable, not just as a child, but for your whole life you need those people— not to take care of you, but just to love you in their different ways.”

“I wasn’t as smart as you are, Kaydee. You probably wouldn’t have stayed with Garz, if you were in my position. You probably would have known better. I didn’t… at least not then. I learned things. I found Rollick. It all worked out for the best, even… well, there were a lot of times things seemed hopeless. I didn’t think I’d survive, let alone get to have a wonderful husband and a loving family. But it all worked out.”

“That’s a lot more than you asked, and no doubt much more than you wanted to know. Sorry.” She was embarrassed about rambling at such length, and about such personal matters. “I guess the answer is I would have tried to keep my vows, because I think that’s the right thing to do.”

[Falcon Bertille]

Kaydee listened intently to Uluki’s description of her initial feelings for Rollick. So much of it echoed Kaydee’s own emotions, her own longings. There was nothing romantic about what Snyde had done to her and Julen. Yet, the fact remained that her flesh had known his flesh, and they had lain together with nothing between them, like lovers lying in a bed. Every time Kaydee saw Julen, her body cried out for a return to that intimacy. It was very strange, to cling so tightly to such a horrible memory -- but she returned to it again and again, willingly enduring recollections of unspeakable pain, just to also recollect the feel of his fingers brushing her cheek. Like Uluki, Kaydee didn’t believe she was truly worthy. But she and Julen had struggled for life together, they’d all but died together, and that was a bond that couldn’t be broken, even if Kaydee had wanted to break it.

Sometimes people ask for answers to questions, when all they really want is a confirmation of their own opinions or desires. And when that happens, they often listen to those things which support their thoughts, while discarding other parts. Kaydee was no exception. Of everything Uluki said, one particular part made a deep impression. She kissed him. She kissed him, and then they knew they loved each other...

Kaydee wasn’t particularly shocked to hear that Uluki had slept with someone before meeting Rollick. Virgin brides were quite rare in the shanty town. When every other pleasure costs money, people indulge in the pleasure they can have for free. And, sadly, Garz’s cruel words didn’t surprise her either. “I’m sure you’re really good in bed,” Kaydee reassured Uluki, unaware that this might not be the most appropriate thing to tell someone. “Men say crap like that all the time. Whenever I had a customer who couldn’t, you know, get ready -- they blamed me. No matter how fat, or drunk, or clumsy they were, it was always my fault. Usually, they complained to Snyde and demanded their money back. He never gave it to them, of course. I don’t think I ever saw Snyde give someone their money back. But if they were a good customer, he let them watch him hit me, to prove that I was being punished.”

Trailing off, Kaydee realized she’d strayed from the point. Uluki didn’t want to hear about her life with Snyde. And frankly, Kaydee wasn’t eager to dwell on it, either. “What I mean is, the good men, the ones like Rollick, they don’t say things like that. They don’t need to make excuses. They don’t need to blame other people to protect their pride. If Garz was really such a hot lover, he would have waited until you were comfortable, he would have made sure you were enjoying yourself. He was the one who was bad in bed, not you.”

“I’m glad you found Rollick.” Kaydee glanced over at Uluki’s husband, still exceedingly fit despite the grey in his hair, and she giggled. “I bet he never has trouble getting ready.”

Still, Uluki’s final answer disappointed Kaydee. She didn’t want to argue with the fairy, who she considered to very wise, but it seemed so unfair that someone could be forced to live in sadness just because they’d made an unwise promise to someone who probably didn’t deserve it. Unable to leave the subject alone, Kaydee returned to something Uluki had mentioned earlier.

“You said people shouldn’t stay with a person if that person hurts them. But you can hurt someone with words, can’t you?” Every day of Kaydee’s life had taught her that particular truth. “You can say things that make them die inside.”

Bowing her head, Kaydee stared down at the crust of bread in her hand. There was something she wanted to speak about. Unfortunately, bringing it up would mean admitting that she had done another bad thing. Uluki had been forgiving so far, but maybe this would be too much, would push her past the point of tolerance. In the end, Kaydee decided to risk it. She could always bend the truth a little to make her offense sound more minor.

“The night before the angel came, I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I walked around a little. When I passed Julen and Rosemary’s room, I heard them shouting at each other.” In fact, although the voices she’d heard had been raised, they were far from shouting. Kaydee had needed to press her ear up against the door before she could make out any words. “She was blaming him for all sorts of things that weren’t his fault. She said that she wished she’d married a rich man.” That fact that it was actually Julen who’d voiced that particular thought was already jumbled up in Kaydee’s memory. When you tell enough lies to protect yourself, your mind starts telling them without your consent.

Twisting her hands, Kaydee inadvertently tore the crust of bread in half. “I don’t think it’s right for her to say those things to him. I bet you never say bad things to Rollick.”

If I were Julen’s wife, I’d never complain. I’d spend every day just trying to make him happy.

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki couldn’t help but smile about Kaydee’s assertion that Uluki was probably good in bed. In spite of the unconventional subject matter, Uluki appreciated the compliment, and could see the good will behind it. When Kaydee spoke of being beaten, however, the smile left Uluki’s face abruptly. Uluki hated the thought of such a thing being done to anyone, but even in the short time she had known Kaydee, she had come to like and care about the young woman… and hearing about her being hurt was painful. Uluki gave Kaydee’s hand a comforting squeeze, but Kaydee didn’t seem to want to discuss the subject any further, so Uluki held her tongue and quietly hoped that the warriors had already rewarded Snyde well for his many crimes. Uluki was not a believer in vengeance as a general rule, but the thought of the man hurting a sweet person like Kaydee stirred up a very visceral anger in Uluki. She did her best to ignore it, and shoved her mind back in the direction of the topic at hand. She joined Kaydee’s giggle about the issue of readiness to perform, and Rollick glanced over to find both of them looking at him. Uluki winked in response, and he smiled somewhat self-consciously and returned to his conversation. “You’re right,” Uluki confirmed in a whisper. “Rollick has plenty of… energy. And I like it with him, so I’m enthusiastic too.”

It hadn’t happened instantly. Meeting Rollick hadn’t been some kind of magic switch that somehow made Uluki understand how sex should be. There was too much leftover baggage for that. She’d wanted him in a physical way, not just an emotional one, and she had felt ready this time. She just hadn’t thought that would make much difference. She’d assumed it would hurt more because Rollick was so much bigger than her, and because he was a lot stronger than Garz. She was prepared to be criticized and ridiculed at the very least, and that at worst Rollick might decide he didn’t want her anymore afterward.

To try to keep Rollick from leaving her, Uluki had offered him two things, neither of which he’d taken her up on. She’d said he could have her whenever he wanted, that he didn’t have to marry her first, but he had replied he would rather wait. As desirable as he found her, he had thought— correctly— that she would see it as a test, an audition to see if she was good enough to share his bed permanently. He would save such pleasures till after he had made his vows… because her worth to him was more than just sexual, and making love was an act of affection and bonding, not a test of worthiness. Uluki’s second offer was that if Rollick didn’t find her satisfying enough, he could sleep with other women. Garz had always gotten so angry when she’d asked him to be monogamous, and she thought she could head trouble with Rollick off at the pass by giving him permission. The thought of him with someone else made her heart ache… but at least it might keep him from leaving. Rollick had declined. He wanted a faithful marriage, and was fully prepared to practice some self-control to achieve it. Sex was about love… and he loved Uluki.

On their wedding night, for a long time he just held her, and they talked. He had told her it didn’t have to be that night, that she wasn’t suddenly obligated just because he’d given her a ring, but she had wanted to. He promised to be gentle, that he wouldn’t hurt her, and that he would stop if she didn’t like what he was doing. He had told her that he wanted her, to be close to her, to share intimacy with her, and that was all he needed to enjoy it. It was only after he felt her body relax completely that he began to touch her in a way that was at all sexual— and even then, he went slowly. He was as considerate as he had promised to be, and she wasn’t tense with him, so she didn’t feel the pain she expected to. It felt amazing. Not as good as later, when they knew each others’ bodies better, but by far the best she’d yet had. She hadn’t been a virgin, but her wedding night... being with him... was the first time she saw the real connection between sex and love…

Uluki was jolted from her own thoughts by Kaydee’s words about Julen. Uluki felt like an idiot not to have seen earlier what this was about. Her concerns the day the two of them had been brought back had since been displaced from her mind by other things. She berated herself sharply for focusing on romance, for telling the story about the kiss… for the harm she might have inadvertently done to two friends’ marriage…

“Things aren’t always how they seem, Kaydee. People have all kinds of different ways of approaching marriage. Rollick and I… we both have some cracks in us that we’ve had to glue back together, so we have to work hard not to wound each other. We try to take very good care of each others’ hearts. Our marriage is a source of healing for us, but some people do things differently. Some people joke about things that might seem hurtful, but to them it’s funny. Some people fight very vocally, but then make up, and it’s just how they interact. Julen’s marriage with Rosemary is different than mine with Rollick, but that doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong. Rosemary has some fire in her, but she cares a lot about Julen. When he was in the shanty town and she knew he might be in danger, she was almost beside herself with grief and worry. She does love him very much.”

“You’re right about words. They can hurt. They can hurt a lot worse than swords.” She rubbed her left forearm out of habit. “But the difference with words is, not everybody hurts from the same things. Your question to me about Rollick wasn’t an easy one. He’s my soul mate. I truly believe we belong together. Being apart from him, I would suffer, and that isn’t right. But what if he found someone he liked better than me? What if it was me he left for someone who was better or nicer or more attractive? What if it was my heart being broken? If he left me for someone else, I’m really not sure I could survive it. I can’t wish that on someone else just for the sake of my own happiness. That isn’t right either.”

“I think that you shouldn’t stay with someone who hurts you with words, just like you shouldn’t stay with someone who hurts you physically. But Julen is far from dead inside, and if he is secretly hurting, that’s something he needs to sort out with his wife. It’s not something I can fix for him… or you can.”

“Julen is a very good man, and you’ve been through hell together. I certainly understand it if you… may have started thinking of him as more than a friend. Rollick and I were also drawn together in part by a painful and difficult time we went through together. Julen has a wife who loves him, though, no matter how she chooses to show it. I care a lot about all three of you… you, and Julen, and Rosemary. All of you deserve to be happy. I don’t want to see any of you get hurt. And I’m worried.”

[Falcon Bertille]

“I...I didn’t mean to worry you,” Kaydee apologized. “I won’t cause any trouble for anybody. I promise I won’t.”

Hastily, Kaydee shoved the last bit of bread crust into her mouth, and used the time spent chewing it as a chance to gather her thoughts. Everything Uluki had said made sense. If Rosemary truly loved Julen, if the things she said didn’t hurt him, if he was happy...then Kaydee didn’t want to mess up his marriage.

And yet, a shard of doubt remained, sunk deep in Kaydee’s flesh. What if Julen wasn’t happy? What if he just stayed with Rosemary because he thought she needed him? Or because he thought no one else would ever love him? That was when Kaydee realized that Uluki had been wrong about one point. If Julen hid his pain, there was something Kaydee could do to fix it.

Because, really, she and Uluki could sit around and discuss the bonds of marriage all day. But it wasn’t their decision. It was Julen’s life, Julen’s heart, Julen’s choice. And Kaydee was going to give it to him. When the right moment came, she’d tell him how she felt. And he could choose. If he stayed loyal to Rosemary, then Kaydee would try to find some way to quiet the pleading of her body, some way to be his friend and nothing more. But if he chose her...oh, if he chose her, she would show him the meaning of joy.

“Thank you for talking to me. For being so honest and open.” Kaydee smiled at Uluki, sincere in her gratitude. However, she sensed that Uluki would probably disapprove of her new plan, so Kaydee let the subject of Julen’s marriage drop. Instead, she stood up, brushed the crumbs from her dress, and glanced over at Dash, Zee, and Kira. “I’m ready to get back to the garden.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki smiled reassuringly when Kaydee apologized, and shook her head. “You don’t need to be sorry. I always worry about the people around me… people I care about. I can’t help it. I tend to try to mother everyone too much, I think. You’re a good person, Kaydee, and I know you don’t intend to cause harm.”

While Kaydee paused to chew, Uluki considered the situation. Though she hadn’t said so to Kaydee, she was, in fact, concerned about Julen. If Rosemary really had said something like that to him— not that Uluki thought Kaydee would lie about it, but an overheard comment completely out of context couldn’t be relied upon no matter who the source was, and Kaydee very well could be mistaken about what she heard— then it seemed like something could be seriously amiss. Uluki knew what it was like to be in a relationship where the other person said horrible things about you, made you feel lower than dirt, but you somehow just couldn’t bring yourself to walk away. Garz had always been charming in public, and he’d loved Uluki in a way… an immature, narcissistic, and possessive way. An unhealthy way. A way that didn’t really deserve to be called love. The fact Rosemary by all appearances loved Julen didn’t mean she wasn’t being cruel to him behind closed doors… maybe without even realizing it. Uluki liked Rosemary, and hated to think such horrible things about her… but Uluki was well aware she was far too trusting. She judged people more favourably than they deserved, sometimes. Just yesterday, someone she had thought a friend had turned out to be a spy. What if she was equally wrong about Rosemary? When they went on their shopping trip later, Uluki would talk to her a bit about marriage, and see if there was any way she could help… assuming help was needed. Ultimately, though, Uluki could not solve the problem for them, as she had told Kaydee. She could only offer advice if it was wanted.

“I was glad to get a chance to talk to you, Kaydee. Thank you for that, and for your help with the garden.”

Uluki could see the other girls were also ready to get back to work, and she smiled at them as they regrouped and set off. As the four young women moved away from her, Uluki overheard a snippet of their conversation. “Do you think it’s too late?” Kira asked in her raspy, rusty-hinge voice, and Dash replied, “No. I’ve killed seven people, and it wasn’t too late for me. It’s far from too late for you…” And then they were out of earshot. Uluki was surprised by and impressed with Dash’s honesty on such a painful subject, and hoped it would reassure Kira. Uluki was proud that her daughter was using the horrific experiences of her past to help her friends. Dash was lifting others, just as the angel had said she would.

Returning her mind to the practical, Uluki realized she was rapidly running out of jobs for some of the refugees. She decided to go on her shopping trip earlier than planned, so they would have some materials to work with. While she was gone, they could finish up the cleaning. Uluki was worried about not being there to greet additional refugees as they arrived… but that wasn’t worth making the others stand idle all afternoon. With luck she’d be back before any more got there— and if more people did come in the meantime, Jenny could greet them and help them settle in. Uluki had noticed that Jenny naturally took leadership among the refugees, in a quiet and unassuming but extremely competent way. Uluki had no doubt Jenny would be able to handle any arriving refugees in her absence.

As Uluki had talked to Kaydee, Rollick had become engaged in a conversation with a few of the warriors about the bandits and mercenaries outside Marn, and Rollick was recounting the family’s own experience with a group of them.

“Hello, beautiful,” Rollick greeted her as she approached, his voice relaxed and cheerful; she blushed, a deep purple spreading across her cheeks. Her husband often told her she was beautiful, but the presence of the group of Lightswords made her self-conscious about it. Rollick wrapped his arm around her.

Uluki realized she needed to add something to the story her husband was telling. “Rollick saved my life,” Uluki explained to the warriors, knowing that he would never say so outright and wanting him to receive the credit he deserved for his bravery, which he tended to downplay. “After I got hurt, he carried me to safety, even though he took four crossbow bolts in the process of protecting me.”

Rollick shrugged. “The one didn’t even stick in. The bandits were poor marksmen.”

“But the other three did stick in, and that wasn’t the point. You wouldn’t have gotten shot at all if you hadn’t been helping me.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly going to leave you there, was I? I don’t claim to be the authority on how to be a good husband, but I’m fairly sure leaving your wife to die doesn’t qualify. And anyway, you’re well worth a few arrows.”

Rollick agreed to accompany Uluki once she told him of her plan for the shopping trip. She hated to take him away from his other projects, which she knew were important, but he preferred to go along anyway. The last thing he wanted was for Panterras to grab her off the street, and there was the constant threat of violence directed to her because she was Fae… something tragically common in their old home, and which he was unwilling to risk here. The presence of a well-armed human tended to discourage those who would try to harm a fragile-looking fairy. “Besides,” he told her in a low tone, “it gives me an excuse to hold your hand.”

Uluki spoke to Jenny, who was quite willing to look after the refugees while Uluki was gone, and Rollick made sure those working on the fortifications knew what needed to be done. He also informed all the other warriors of his plans. In his absence, those of them with individual tasks to do would see to them, and those who had nothing specific to occupy them could help with the fortifications, continue training, or do callisthenics aimed at keeping them in shape. Each should be able to find some way of being productive.

As they left the group of warriors, Callie approached Uluki once again. “I’m sorry,” she said. “For not trusting you.”

“It’s alright,” Uluki said, and it was. She couldn’t blame someone in Callie’s position for hesitating to put her faith in a stranger.

“That girl, Kaydee… she’s your friend, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is.”

“Could you take her a note for me? You can read it if you want. Actually… I want you to know what it says.”

Uluki nodded and accepted the folded paper. She wasn’t sure whether or not Kaydee could read, but Dash or Zee would be able to help if not. Callie looked at her expectantly, and Uluki read over it.


Dear Kaydee,

I’m so very sorry for what my husband did to you. I didn’t find out about it till after, or I would have tried to stop him. I hope maybe someday you can forgive me for what he did, but if not I wouldn’t blame you.

Your friend,
Callie


“Will you take it to her? I’d tell her to her face, only I’m scared of what she’ll think of me.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that. Kaydee’s very good-hearted. But yes, I’ll take her your note.” Uluki did as promised, leaving the note with Kaydee before she set out.

Afterward she rejoined Rollick, and the two of them met up with Rosemary, who had agreed to accompany them. She would be helping Uluki train the refugees to do craft projects, so Uluki thought it best she have some say in choosing the materials as well. Rollick took Uluki’s hand, as promised, as the three of them set off toward town. The fact Rollick was often on the receiving end of rude comments when he touched her in public never seemed to dissuade him. He would hold his wife’s hand, and the rest of the world could go hang if they didn’t like it.

Uluki wasn’t sure how to broach the subject she needed to discuss with Rosemary… and in fact, in the woman’s presence the concerns seemed even less credible. Still, Uluki ought to try. “So Rosemary… how are things?”

[Falcon Bertille]

When Uluki and her husband approached, Rosemary shyly held out the gambeson she’d mended. “This is for you, Rollick. It used to belong to Aorle. He gave it to me so I could use it as a model for the one I made Julen. There were some bad rips in it, but I mended them as best I could, and it should hold together. It even smells kind of nice.” Rosemary pressed her face against the quilted fabric, drawing deep breath, before presenting the armor to Rollick. “Like the air after a thunderstorm. I guess that’s how Aorle smells.” A faint blush touched Rosemary’s cheeks as she realized that she’d just made a rather personal comment about a man other than her husband. “Anyway, it should help protect you.”

Rosemary was looking forward to the outing. She enjoyed shopping for sewing supplies, and it had been several days since she’d been able to leave the compound. Also, Uluki and Rollick’s company would be very pleasant. Despite the steadily increasing population at Lightsword Hall, Rosemary often found herself feeling isolated. The other refugees weren’t entirely comfortable around her -- in their eyes, she seemed like a grand lady from some noble house. And the warriors didn’t know what to make of her, either. They treated her with courtesy, of course, but she was still a civilian.

A smile curved Rosemary’s lips when she noticed Rollick take Uluki’s hand. Julen always held her hand when they went out. It was good to be around another couple, to be reminded of such tender gestures.

Uluki’s question, however, caught Rosemary by surprise. “Things? They’re fine.” Rosemary didn’t want to seem ungrateful. She knew that Uluki and Rollick were working hard to run the compound -- to make sure everyone was fed, cared for, and made welcome. Rosemary truly appreciated their efforts. And it was certainly better to be here than back in Shim, at the mercy of every passing brigand.

“Mostly fine. Most of the time.” But there was something about the fairy woman, something about her kindness and the sincerity of her concern, which tugged the truth out of Rosemary, however haltingly. “I guess I just feel lonely, occasionally. Aorle is always busy. I help Krarug work on learning the local tongue when I can, but he has other responsibilities. Even Julen...”

Rosemary shook her head. “Back in Shim, Julen and I talked about everything. If he ate an apple while he was working in the orchard, he’d tell me what color it was, how sweet or sour it tasted. Now...I feel like he’s holding things back. He won’t tell me why he can’t sing anymore. He won’t tell me why his nightmares keep getting worse. Sometimes, I say things. You know? I think that if I can jab him, quick and sharp, maybe he’ll forget himself long enough to let something slip. But he never does.”

“We still love each other.” Looking at Rollick and Uluki, Rosemary knew that they’d understand the bond that existed between a husband and a wife, regardless of whatever difficult circumstances they faced. “Nothing could make us stop loving each other. But I feel like this wall is growing between us, and I don’t know how to tear it down.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

“Thank you very much. That is most kind,” Rollick told Rosemary sincerely when she showed him the gambeson. When she started speaking about how it smelled, however, he turned to Uluki with a “help me” look on his face. He had no idea what the polite response would be. Was he supposed to smell it too? If so, how did one comment properly on a fellow warrior’s odour? His glance at Uluki did not provide any insight; her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. For some reason. Deciding all the women in the world must have made a spontaneous decision to behave in ways incomprehensible to men, he gave the gambeson a quick sniff— it did smell quite nice, much to his surprise— and nodded to Rosemary in a way he hoped sufficiently conveyed agreement and approval. “Thank you,” he repeated, then stared at Uluki, trying to gauge if he’d said or done something to upset her... though he had no idea what. She gave him a slightly damp smile, and he was reassured that he hadn’t. It wasn’t, after all, always about him.

Had he been able to see into Uluki’s mind, though, he would have seen this was about him, in spite of his assumption to the contrary… but it wasn’t something he’d done. Uluki’s heart felt torn in two by surprisingly strong emotion. On the one hand, she was deeply grateful for the time and effort Rosemary had put into the gift, which was both useful and thoughtful. She appreciated the additional safety and protection the gambeson would afford Rollick. That was also the hard part, though. It was a reminder of her horrible dream about losing him, about the danger he faced, about his mortality in general. It was an issue she’d dealt with over and over during their marriage, but it kept striking her in different ways she was unprepared for. The feelings seemed to take her by surprise every time, no matter how often she laid them to rest. Because of her fear of losing him and the reminder of peril and mortality, the gambeson made her eyes a little leaky in spite of the kindness and generosity of the gift.

Broaching the topic of marriage with Rosemary had proven much easier than Uluki had expected, and she was surprised by the outpouring of information. She had assumed she’d have to work a little harder to turn the conversation in that direction.

She hadn’t thought about it before— although she should have— but Rosemary would of course be lonely. Uluki missed her own female friends from her old home, especially Mercedes, who she considered an adopted sister, and Uluki had a great deal more to keep her busy than Rosemary did. Besides the work involved in helping to keep the compound running smoothly, she had her family. She and Rollick shared the work of caring for the baby— her husband wasn’t the sort of man who thought such responsibilities rested solely on the mother, and he willingly shouldered his share— but even so, with an infant there was plenty of work to go around. They also had their daughters, who needed almost nothing in the way of physical care, but who were in a stage of adolescence that required a fair bit of advice and emotional support. Rollick helped with that too, but there were a lot of “girl things” for which a woman’s hands and voice were more suited. Uluki’s life was very full, with work and family. Though Rosemary was quite talented, as far as Uluki knew she had no career, nor did she have children to look after, or at the moment even a home of her own to tend. Rosemary was a likeable woman who had friends… but those friends were all busy with their own affairs, and would not have large amounts of free time they could spend with her. The distance Rosemary was feeling from Julen must make her life seem terribly empty indeed.

Uluki understood instantly about that distance, and was deeply sympathetic, but was unsure how to help or what to advise. Julen’s transition from the life of a farmer to one of a warrior was not really equivalent to anything she’d experienced in her own marriage. Rollick had been just past forty years old when he married her, and though he was still quite active in the community, the glory days of his career were essentially over by the time they met. While the career of a fighter might indeed be glorious, it was by definition rather short; at forty Rollick had been looking toward retirement, not toward mighty battles ahead of him. He would never be the type to sit idly by and allow others to be hurt, and he would continue to do what he could to help and protect, but less and less often would he be doing so on the front lines, in the thick of combat. Rollick was able to devote himself to marriage… and eventually, to family… in ways that Julen, a far younger man, was unable to because he was in a different stage of life.

Also, probably more importantly, Rosemary was a civilian… and Uluki, while clearly not a warrior, was somewhat on the borderline between categories. Back when she’d been a combat spellcaster— before she’d realized that her true calling was only to heal, not to cause harm— she’d been on the front lines of a number of battles. Even now, as a healer she was often in territory other civilians did not enter. She had to step into danger from time to time to rescue others from harm. She often worked side by side with Rollick— with her healing him when he fought, or him protecting her when she had to put herself in peril to help someone, or together somehow managing to do all of those things at the same time. While she had done her share of waiting at home for him, it was about equal to the time he spent waiting at home for her, and was based on the practicalities of a given situation or the distribution of childcare responsibilities, not because Rollick belonged to a world she couldn’t enter. They were part of the same world— a dangerous, sometimes brutal, and often painful world, but they shared it. They were a team.

Uluki did not doubt that Julen and Rosemary loved each other deeply, but she didn’t see a way they could be a team in quite the same way. In spite of Uluki’s lack of combat skills and physical fragility, because she could heal herself as needed she was surprisingly hard to kill, and was able to take additional risks because of it. Rosemary had no such benefit. Her world had to be separate from her husband’s. And Uluki wasn’t sure what advice she could give, in light of that. It explained what Kaydee had heard, of course. It was one of the “jabs” Rosemary described, a bid for Julen’s attention. It wasn’t the best way to get attention, of course, but Uluki was hard pressed to suggest something Rosemary ought to be doing instead. Julen’s life was the way it was, and Rosemary had needs that weren’t being fulfilled… and Uluki didn’t see a simple solution to the dilemma.

One thing she would do was ask Rollick to talk to Julen. Maybe Rollick could encourage him to open up to his wife a little. Maybe hearing it from another warrior— and another married man— would help.

Uluki reached out her free hand, the one not holding Rollick’s, and gave Rosemary’s hand a sympathetic squeeze; had they not been walking, she would have hugged her instead. “I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough patch,” Uluki said gently. “You’re in a strange position at the base. You don’t have many real peers. I’ll be grateful for your help in teaching the sewing and knitting, and that may help you connect with the refugees. In some ways they’re not easy to get to know.” She thought of Sean apologizing reflexively for something she’d asked him to do, Callie’s continued fears of being harmed and lack of trust, Jenny’s tendency to revert to calling Uluki “Missus” when under stress even though it had been with Uluki that she’d escaped from Snyde and the shanty town… “We’ve worked and lived with refugees for years in our old home, and it’s hard for us too. But maybe when we’re sewing together, it’ll help them to get to know you a little better, and become more comfortable with you. It’ll give you someone else to talk to at least.”

“You’re always welcome to join us, also, of course. Our family, I mean. It’s a rare time we truly need to be alone. If you have something you want to talk about… or even just want some company… we’re easy to find. You don’t have to worry about being in the way. We’d be glad to see you.”

She couldn’t ignore the other part. “I’m not sure what to tell you about Julen. In some ways our life, Rollick’s and mine, has been very different from yours. We’ve been through some changes— not the least of which was coming to Marn so unexpectedly— but… it’s different. I don’t know what I should say or do. I’m not sure how to help, and I suspect there isn’t much I can do. Just, I’m willing to listen if you want to talk about it. Either now, or later. And if you can think of anything we can do to help, just say the word.”

[Falcon Bertille]

Rosemary smiled when Uluki squeezed her hand, and returned the gesture with a squeeze of her own. “I’m really looking forward to helping with the sewing lessons. And I’m sure you’re right about the refugees feeling more comfortable once they get to know me better. Right now, they probably think I’ll feel contempt for them, because of their pasts. But I won’t.” In truth, Rosemary shared a certain kinship with the whores. Her father had been more subtle when soliciting bids, and he’d asked for a higher price than the few bishani demanded by Snyde, but the fact remained that he’d wanted to sell her for the highest price he could obtain.

“When I was a little girl, my mother taught me to stitch and embroider. Those were happy times. I used to make costumes for all my toys and stage plays to entertain my brothers and sisters.” As she spoke, Rosemary felt a pang of longing for the family she’d barely seen since marrying Julen. She knew that her mother and siblings didn’t resent her choice of husband the way that her father did, but they lived under his rule, so they shunned who he shunned. And that meant her.

“Keep a man’s clothing mended, keep his belly full, and keep his bed warm. If you do all that, you’ll never lose him -- at least, that’s what my mother always told me.” Rosemary turned her gaze upward, watching white clouds pass across the pale blue sky. “I’ve done everything she said. But sometimes, I still feel like I’m losing Julen.”

Rosemary shook her head. “Everyone in Shim thought Julen was the lucky one, the humble farmer who married a great beauty. They don’t understand that all this,” Rosemary gestured to her face and skin, as if they were parts of a costume she could never remove, “all this doesn’t mean anything. Not a damn thing. It’s just pretty wrapping on a broken package. I don’t think my beauty ever made anyone truly happy. But Julen makes me happy. He makes me feel so treasured and safe.”

“I’m the one who was lucky. And as Julen’s new path unfolds in unexpected directions, I wonder where it will take him. I wonder if he’ll reach a point where he needs someone more than the simple village girl he married when he was young. Julen always says that love triumphs over everything. Except, the sad thing is, it doesn’t. I still love my family, even my father. But we might as well live on different sides of the ocean.”

A wistful sigh escaped Rosemary’s lips. Then, aware that she’d begun to sink into melancholy, she shook herself lose from depressing thoughts. “I’m sorry -- I didn’t mean to go on like that. But thank you for listening. It is nice to have a sympathetic ear."

[Lylessa Uluki]

“You aren’t going to lose Julen,” Uluki said softly. “He loves you very, very much. That’s obvious every time he talks about you. I don’t think it’s that he’s intentionally shutting you out, or that he doesn’t want you in his life. I think maybe… in a way he’s trying to protect you. He needs to see that you don’t need to be protected like that, that you can handle it, and until he does things may not go very smoothly between you. But it doesn’t mean that he’ll leave, or that you aren’t good enough for him. You love him so deeply, and show so much care and concern for him. You’re strong, and compassionate, and full of life. Beauty may not matter, but all of those things do.”

In truth, Uluki was rather surprised to hear Rosemary speak of her own beauty in such a dismissive way. Uluki had always imagined that Rosemary was unfailingly confident, and in fact, when Uluki had mentioned her fears that Rollick would be happier with an unscarred, never-wounded woman, it was Rosemary’s face she had pictured— not because Rollick indicated any interest in Rosemary as anything more than a friend, but because Rosemary seemed to have everything together: looks, brains, and strength. It was hard for Uluki to imagine her hurting inside… but clearly she did.

“Don’t think because your family turned their backs on you, that Julen will do the same. My parents, my siblings, my tribe— they all abandoned me too. I accidentally killed someone, and they sent me away. Then later, my family and I made up. For a little while. They hated Rollick. They didn’t care how happy we were, or how well he treated me, because he was a human. Apparently being taller and having skin that wasn’t blue meant more to them than how much he respected their daughter, how nice he was to me. They treated him really badly from the day we got married. Then I told them I was having Rollick’s child… and they never spoke to me again. Killing someone could be gotten over, but having my husband’s baby in me, and being glad about it, that was unforgivable. That hurt. It hurt to have my parents and my brother and sister stop loving me. But that doesn’t mean everyone would do that. My Duskling family left me, but Rollick never did. Even when the odds seemed… overwhelming. Even when our hopes seemed so fragile against all the evil around us. Love triumphs, but not all by itself. Love triumphs if you work at it, if you also have loyalty and commitment. You and Julen do, so I think love will triumph for you too.”

Throughout her conversation with Rosemary, Uluki had noticed changes in the people around her as they got closer to the main part of town. In the Industrial District, there weren’t many around, and those few who were seemed quite busy, intent on getting to whatever task lay ahead of them, and like they were without time or inclination to spare much more than a glance at Uluki, Rosemary, and Rollick. Toward the city’s centre, though, there were far more people… and those people generally took much more interest in the two humans and the Duskling. Many stared at them outright, making no attempt to hide their appraisals, and a few whispered to each other in low tones. The occasional word carried to Uluki’s ears. “Freak.” “Fairy slut.” “Corruption of our city.” “Shouldn’t be allowed.” Most people didn’t say anything at all, though. Most people just looked. There was nothing friendly in their gaze. Uluki drew closer to Rollick, and his grip on her hand tightened.

They reached the fabric shop and began to examine some of the merchandise laid out on tables at the front. Uluki was impressed with Rosemary’s eye for material, and would take her sound advice on what to buy. Uluki was glad they’d brought Rosemary along, both for her help and her company.

The proprietor of the shop finally noticed them. He came over, and assuming he was there to provide assistance, Uluki held up a bolt of muslin and asked, “Could I please get seven yards of this, sir?”

He stared at her as he would an insect. “We don’t serve your kind here. It upsets the other customers. And please, don’t touch the merchandise.” He jerked the bolt of muslin out of her hands as though her very presence contaminated his wares. “There are plenty of other shops. I would ask that you please get out of mine.” There were two other customers in the store, and they said nothing; they seemed to agree with the shopkeeper’s words, and certainly didn’t leap to Uluki’s defence.

Rollick started to object, but the store owner cut him off. “I don’t need magic-using freaks like her bothering my customers and spoiling the goods. People like her are what’s wrong with this city. They bring corruption and dissent and all kinds of problems along with them from… wherever it is they come from. The last thing we need in our shop is a fairy.”

“How dare you speak about my wife that way?” Rollick’s voice was cold with anger. He’d heard things like this— and far worse— in their old home on too many occasions to count, but he was never able to get used to it. He was never able to reconcile their hatred with his love, their fears and prejudices with how hard he saw her work to do good things for any community she was part of.

“We don’t need fairy-loving perverts like you here either. Or maybe you couldn’t find a decent human woman who would have you, so you had to take the refuse into your bed?”

That proved too much for poor Rollick. Calling Uluki trash, saying that having her with him must be a last resort… his hand tightened into a fist, and Uluki could tell he was preparing to carry through with the punch.

“Rollick, don’t,” she said softly.

“I’m not going to just let…”

“No, Rollick, don’t!” Her voice was insistent, and her hand clenched hard on his arm. Her tone stopped him short, and he realized she was right. If he gave in to his anger and punched the shopkeeper, as he so desperately wanted to do, the shopkeeper would call the City Guard. The Guard would hear there had been a fight over a fairy. Questions of magic use might come up, and even if they didn’t, Uluki would be seen as a potentially dangerous disturber of the public order. Rollick jammed his fist against his other hand, trying to restrain himself by pretending it was the man’s face instead.

“Let’s just go,” Uluki suggested gently, looking at her feet. She was embarrassed and felt guilty for yet again being a source of trouble to those who cared about her.

[Falcon Bertille]

It hadn’t occurred to Rosemary that Julen might be trying to protect her. She’d thought that the distance she sensed from him was because his interests had changed, turned to warrior things, which she possessed no knowledge of. She’d thought that he stopped speaking to her about his dreams because she no longer had a role in them. But he was just...shielding her? Foolish man! After all that they’d been through together, did he really still doubt her strength? There would be a discussion about this. Soon.

Sympathy filled Rosemary when she heard about how badly Uluki’s family had treated Uluki and Rollick. People could act so cruelly. And it would be the same thing with her father. If -- when (oh please, let it be when) -- she got pregnant, would he be happy? Would he rejoice at the chance to play with his grandchild? No, he’d just complain that it was another mouth to feed, another strain on Julen’s insufficient wealth. Why didn’t people grasp the truth? Anyone could see that Rollick was a good, strong man who doted on his fairy bride. Anyone could see that Julen would find a way to provide for his family, no matter what it took. If only people weren’t so blind!

“You’re right,” Rosemary agreed, when Uluki had finished. The conversation had bolstered both her spirits and her determination. Julen was her husband, wasn’t he? So, by the gods, she intended to fight for him! “No one can tell what the future holds. But I think we’ll survive it. I really do.”

Rosemary, too, noticed the increasing amount of attention that their group began to attract as they left the Industrial District behind them. Accustomed to being stared at, Rosemary initially assumed that she was the cause. But she soon realized that these were not the admiring and wistful glances which most men aimed in her direction, nor even the hungry and possessive stares that she’d gotten from the mercenaries back in Shim. These were worse. And when she overheard a few of the muttered insults, she understood why. Careful not to alarm Uluki, Rosemary moved a little closer to her friend, and rested her hand on the hilt of the dagger tucked in her skirt. Just in case.

It was not that Rosemary didn’t share her fellow citizen’s fear of magic. Like them, she had been raised on stories of its danger, its chaotic nature, its corrupting influence. If she hadn’t known Uluki, she might have been among those who made comments. But she did know Uluki. Uluki had healed Julen when Julen was hurt. Uluki had let Rosemary hold her darling baby boy. And she’d listened to Rosemary when Rosemary needed someone to talk to. Uluki wasn’t some devious rogue mage...she was Uluki. A friend. And Rosemary stuck by her friends.

Attempting to be as cheerful as possible, in the hope that this could somehow shield Uluki from the negativity all around them, Rosemary focused on helping with the fabric selection. She and Uluki shared similar tastes in colors and prints, so it was fun to point out new discoveries to each other. In fact, Rosemary had just unearthed a fantastic find -- a box of fabric scraps, single buttons, and bits of ribbon that the shopkeeper would almost certainly let them have very cheaply -- when she overheard him speaking to Uluki and Rollick.

As Rosemary looked up from the box, she marveled at Rollick’s admirable restraint. If the shopkeeper had said things like that to Julen, about either Rosemary or Uluki, a brawl would already be in progress. Truthfully, Rosemary dearly wanted to punch the man herself. Or at least march over there and tell him that, contrary to causing corruption or dissent, Uluki had worked hard to help people in need ever since she arrived in Marn, and what had he done for anyone recently, anyway? But she held her tongue. A shouting match would just make Uluki feel worse.

However, Rosemary didn’t intend to let the matter rest, either. Sometimes you just had to go at things from a different angle. Joining Uluki and Rollick, Rosemary nodded toward the shop door. “Why don’t you two wait outside? I’ll join you in a bit. There are still some things I want to look at.”

Rosemary hated saying that -- letting her friends think that she was deserting them, letting them think that she’d actually buy something from this creep. But it was necessary. Her plan required privacy. And if she actually needed to carry out the threat she intended to make, it would be best if Rollick and Uluki weren’t directly involved.

Turning away from the couple, Rosemary fluttered her eyelashes at the shopkeeper. “I can stay, can’t I?” She spoke the words with just a hint of breathiness, making sure that her lips came to rest in sensual pout, while her whole face conveyed the idea that he was the one person in the world capable of granting her deepest desires. “I’d be so grateful if you let me stay.”

Rosemary might discount her beauty, might sometimes hate the trouble it caused those around her. However, she sure as hell knew how to work it.

Lust and bigotry struggled inside the shopkeeper’s heart. And, as usual, lust won. “Yeah,” he conceded, “you can stay. But those two need to get out.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki was startled that Rosemary wanted to stay in the shop. Even if she was unconcerned about the things the man had said, Uluki would have thought she would be sufficiently embarrassed by the spectacle they had caused that she would be ready to seek out another store where they could make a more subtle entrance. But maybe after all that she was anxious to get away from Uluki and Rollick, so the other humans wouldn’t think badly of her too. “Alright. We’ll see you outside. Sorry about… all this. I’m really sorry.” Uluki’s eyes felt a little prickly, but she blinked hard until the urge to cry subsided. She wouldn’t cause them all further discomfort by falling apart. Besides, this had happened a hundred times. Why did it suddenly matter so much?

It mattered, she realized, because she had hoped it would be a fresh start here. She had hoped they would make up for all they had lost, all that they missed, by finding a new place where they had a chance to be accepted. But… it wasn’t any different. People here hated her too, and they hated Rollick because of her. That was the worst part. Not what they said to her, but that it made Rollick so isolated, made it so hard for him to find friends. She would always be the stone around her husband’s neck. No matter where they went, loving her would always cause him trouble. She loved him so much… why did her mere existence have to bring him pain? Was she really worth it to him, or at moments like this was he gritting his teeth and keeping his vows, wishing desperately for a normal life? She knew the answer to that. She knew how much he loved her. She just wished loving her was a little easier sometimes.

Uluki smiled at Rosemary, a sad, embarrassed smile, but didn’t make eye contact. Then she gently tugged on Rollick’s hand, pulling him toward the door with her and then out into the street.

Of course Rosemary had stayed. She barely even knew Uluki and Rollick. It wasn’t her problem.

It would be a few minutes, Uluki figured, before Rosemary rejoined them. Her purchases would need to be measured, folded, and wrapped. In the meantime, Uluki wasn’t inclined to stay out in the street. That was only likely to invite further trouble.

There was a little church just across from the door they had exited from, and Rollick, sensing she wouldn’t want to stand outside the shop like a tied dog awaiting its owner, led her toward it. Uluki didn’t know to which god the church was dedicated, but it didn’t really matter. Uluki wasn’t religious, and didn’t worship any of them. What she liked about churches was the quiet, the sense of peace. People didn’t shout insults at you in a church. Well, not usually.

They sat in the shadow of the church, down by the steps, not really hidden but somewhat less conspicuous. They could watch for Rosemary without attracting too much attention. Rollick wrapped his arms around Uluki and pulled her close. She hid her face against his chest, and with her blue skin no longer visible, they became just another couple embracing in the shadow of the old church. Few people even looked their way. It felt nice to go unnoticed. “I love you, Uluki,” he murmured into her hair.

“I love you too, Rollick… so much.”

As usual, being snuggled against Rollick improved Uluki’s mood. Tears no longer stung her eyes as they waited for Rosemary to finish her business in the shop.

[Falcon Bertille]

Once Uluki and Rollick had left the shop, Rosemary got to work. Pointing at a heavy bolt of fabric, stashed away on a high shelf, she begged the shopkeeper to get it down for her. And when he complied, she cooed her appreciation. Never quite saying it, not in so many words, she conveyed how much he’d impressed her with his helpfulness and strength. As expected, the man soon shed the irritated manner he’d so recently displayed. Puffed up like an overripe seedpod, he lectured Rosemary about the cloth, while she listened with rapt attention.

All this, Rosemary had learned from the men who dallied with her before she married Julen. She’d learned how a fall, prevented by grabbing her escort’s arm, could inspire a man to carry her for a mile. She’d learned how an offhand comment about “the greatness of men able to buy such things” could earn her the desired object as her next gift. She’d learned how something as simple as a soft sigh of longing, uttered at the moment of parting, could inflame a man’s desire to see her again. Of course, this wasn’t how she treated all men. It would never even occur to her to behave in such a manner around Julen, or Aorle, or Rollick -- just it would never occur to them to threaten her with a drawn sword. These things were her weapons, reserved for those whom she considered to be enemies. During a dark period of her life, she’d used her skills recklessly, for personal gain. Then, much later, she’d used them to stave off mistreatment at the hands of the mercenaries. If the shopkeeper could have seen past the girlish admiration shining in Rosemary’s eyes, he would have glimpsed the cold, steely gaze of a warrior.

As the shopkeeper moved his hand across the cloth, extolling its high thread count, Rosemary made sure that his fingers brushed against hers. At first, the man seemed taken aback by the accidental contact. But Rosemary gave him a warm, inviting smile, and leaned closer. “You know,” she murmured, “you were quite right about that fairy-loving pervert. He tried to lure me to his bed, but I wouldn’t have him. It takes a different sort of man to win my affections.”

The whole thing was a ridiculous fantasy. But most men wanted the fantasy so badly that they never thought to question it. In some ways, Rosemary was every bit as much of an illusionist as her husband. Except that she had a lot more control over her gift.

Subtly glancing around the shop, Rosemary saw that it was empty. Good. Now was the time. Taking another step forward, she drew so close to the shopkeeper that their bodies were separated by less than the width of a feather. “What I really want,” she admitted, tilting her head so that strands of auburn hair fell across hazel eyes, “is a material like this dress I’m wearing. Perhaps you could feel it and tell me if you have something similar in stock?”

Looking like a man who can scarcely believe his luck, the shopkeeper reached for her. Rosemary waited until his hand touched the shoulder of her dress. Then, like a hawk snatching its prey, she grabbed his wrist and held on, all traces of flirtation gone.

“What--?” Eagerness had transformed to bafflement on the man’s face. “What are you--?”

“I changed my mind,” Rosemary informed. “I don’t care about fabric anymore. Now, I’m wondering what would happen if a pretty young woman ran out of your shop, with the shoulder of her dress torn, screaming that you’d tried to assault her.”

“But I--I never--”

“No, you didn’t. However, I’ve noticed how suspicious the people around here tend to be. How willing they are to believe vile lies about a man and woman they don’t even know.” Rosemary paused a moment, letting that sink in. Then she continued. “Think about it. Even if you are eventually cleared of all charges, proving your innocence will cost you plenty in time and lost business. And the rumors will always linger. Is it worth it?”

A frown creased the man’s features. He was a bigot, but he wasn’t stupid. “What do you want?”

“I want you to go outside and apologize to my friends. I want you to say that you’re sorry for the horrible things you said to them. I want you to invite them back into your shop. And...” Inspiration struck Rosemary. “I want you to give them a discount on anything they buy, to make up for your unprovoked rudeness.”

Her last demand caused a moment’s hesitation in the shopkeeper. But he knew when he was beaten. “Fine,” he muttered.

Judging that they were finished, the shopkeeper tried to retract his hand, but Rosemary held tight. She was a farmer’s wife, which made her strong for her gender. “One more thing. I have influential friends.” Rosemary wasn’t entirely sure this was true, since she hadn’t kept in touch with any of her previous suitors. But they couldn’t all be as bitter and petty as Phelan. “If you try to back out of our arrangement, I’ll see that they make your life miserable in ways you can’t imagine.”

“Fine,” the shopkeeper repeated. Adding, in a lower tone of voice, “Fairy-loving bitch.” But Rosemary chose to ignore the comment as she released him.

“Good, let’s go.”

Rosemary had expected Uluki and Rollick to be waiting directly outside the shop. When she didn’t see them there, she worried that her decision to stay inside had so offended them that they’d abandoned her. But then she spotted them sitting on the steps of a nearby church. After making sure that the shopkeeper was indeed still with her, she gave the couple a friendly wave, and hurried over to join them.

“Hi. I hope I didn’t take too long. But I started having such an interesting conversation with the shopkeeper. It turns out that there’s been a terrible misunderstanding. Hasn’t there?”

“Yes. A terrible misunderstanding.” If the shopkeeper’s voice didn’t exactly convey sincerity, it was at least void of anger or hostility. “I’m sorry for the things I said. Your friend here has convinced me that they aren’t true, and I apologize. You...you can come back inside my shop if you want.” For a moment, the man looked like he was trying to swallow a toad. But he managed to fulfill the last part of his bargain. “I’ll give you a small discount on any items you buy.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki expected Rosemary to return with an armful of packages, and was surprised to see the woman instead emerge empty-handed. What surprised her even more, though, was that she had the shopkeeper with her. Uluki smiled nervously at the two of them— Rosemary because Uluki was afraid she might be mad at her about what happened in the shop, and the shopkeeper lest he go on another anti-fairy tirade.

Uluki was completely stunned by his apology. No one who had said such things to her in the past had ever felt sorry afterward. Not after she’d given them clothes she had knitted or food she had gathered. Not even after she saved their lives, or saved the life of a wife or child or friend. The idea that Rosemary had talked this man into feeling bad about what he’d said left Uluki in awe.

“It’s alright,” Uluki reassured him. “Thanks for saying you’re sorry.” She smiled at him again, this time sincerely. Rollick was not quite so easily won over, but he nodded stiffly and said nothing.

As they went back into the shop, Uluki caught Rosemary’s eye. “Thanks. Thanks for talking to him, and telling him we were nice. I appreciate it. And I’m impressed you made him understand.”

The shopkeeper made no more rude comments to Uluki or Rollick, and served them silently when it was possible, speaking only when there was no other option; his manner was reserved and cold, but no longer openly hostile. Once they had picked out what they wanted to buy— and been given a fairly substantial discount— he bundled their purchases and wrapped them to prevent them getting dirty on the way home. Ordinarily fabric purchased in bulk at such a store would be delivered, but the shopkeeper didn’t offer and Uluki didn’t want to push her luck. The shopkeeper seemed eager to have them out of the store, and Uluki felt the same way. She didn’t like the coldness and the tension, even now that things had calmed down.

As they prepared to depart, the shopkeeper addressed Rollick, initiating conversation himself for the first time. He was about to lay a hand conversationally on Rollick’s forearm as he would when talking to an ordinary customer, just as a reflex, but he remembered himself and drew his hand back at the last moment. Rollick may have been human, but the flesh that touched Uluki was, in the shopkeeper’s eyes, equally contaminated. “I never thought I’d say this, mate,” the proprietor said in a low voice, “but you’re probably better off with the fairy.”

“Of course I am. Being married is far better than being a bachelor, and my wife is a wonderful woman. I’m a lucky man.” Rollick indeed very much liked being married. He was deeply in love with Uluki, obviously, but he also preferred the institution of marriage to being single. He liked the stability, the constancy. Fidelity was one of the things Rollick did best, so he was good at being married. It was a lot easier than being unsure, being alone, being adrift. It was better to have Uluki, who he could talk to, who he was used to, who understood him, than to be among strangers, among women who were unfamiliar and made him uncomfortable and tongue-tied. Rollick was well suited to being a husband… and particularly well suited to being Uluki’s husband. “We’re very happy together.”

“No, I mean…” the shopkeeper seemed rather unsure how to put this. “You’re probably better off with her than with the other one. The crazy one. You’d never know what she would do or say next.”

Rollick smiled a little grudgingly. “Believe me, I know.”

He wondered, though, how the shopkeeper knew about Mara. He supposed Rosemary must have told the man, by way of proving Uluki wasn’t a second choice, that there had been another woman also vying for Rollick’s affections. Not that there had been any serious competition. Mara was frequently cruel, almost invariably sullen, utterly chaotic, and casually violent. She preferred short and tempestuous love affairs to long term relationships. As Rollick had told Uluki, Mara was interesting… much like a fire, a flood, or a natural disaster was interesting. Mara would have been utterly wrong for Rollick, and he had never given serious consideration to having a relationship with her, no matter how hard she pushed him. No, his heart had even then belonged to sweet, dependable Uluki. Uluki who had been there for him when he needed her, at the worst time of his life when he’d had absolutely nothing to offer her. Mara hadn’t loved him, anyway. He still would have ended up with Uluki, but at least he didn’t have to feel guilty about wounding Mara. Mara had been attracted to the power of the god that had possessed Rollick, not Rollick himself, and had tried to pursue a relationship only as long as she thought some usable power still lingered in Rollick’s body after the evil one departed. It had made no difference to Mara at the time whether Rollick lived or died— it was only after Uluki stood by him, helped him, and ultimately saved his life that Mara began to see Rollick as potentially useful. When he’d refused to agree with her that being possessed must have been wonderful, heady, or made him feel powerful… and insisted she understand that it had been an experience of torment, pain, and violation, and that the god’s power was not fit to be used, even for the purposes of good… Mara had quickly lost interest. Which was for the best. Rollick truly was better off with Uluki— but of course, he’d known that all along.

The rest of the shopping trip was far less eventful. People stared, there was the occasional whisper, and the shop owners didn’t exactly go out of their way to be friendly and helpful, but no one was outright cruel to them either. They were able to purchase all the supplies they needed fairly quickly, and Uluki and Rollick were eager to get back— Uluki in case any new refugees had arrived, and Rollick to get as much digging done as possible before the sun set.

As they returned to the compound, they saw a group of mounted nomadic warriors, both female and male, also approaching— though there were three children among the warriors, mounted on their own ponies, so the overall effect was less than intimidating. Uluki realized she recognized some of them. “Zamat! Nasima! Shuli! Loie!” she called. “It’s good to see you again.” She was pleased to see them looking well, too. Their black hair was brushed smooth, and their clothes were tidy and well-mended— considerations that hadn’t been possible with bloodthirsty spirits pursuing them. Their brown eyes shown with health, and their dark skin no longer looked ashy and dull. Uluki’s healing seemed to have helped them bounce back quickly from their afflictions.

Then, concerned by their return to the base so soon, she added, “Is everything alright?” She hoped the spirits hadn’t gotten tainted again… or maybe her cure hadn’t worked as well as it had appeared to.

“All is well with us, wise one,” Zamat told her, using the traditional title of respect for a shaman. “We came because we were concerned for you, and for your family.” He nodded to Rollick, who he remembered meeting last time, and then to Rosemary. “Perhaps your friends, too.”

Nasima, as usual, didn’t mince words. “The spirits said the Guest would come after you. He wishes to do you harm. We came to help protect you… and those who belong to you.”

Uluki felt as though a weight had been lifted from her mind. Even when the Lightswords were off fighting another battle, her family would have the protection of strong friends. “Thank you,” she told them. “The spirits told you correctly about the Guest. Your help is most appreciated.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Once Callie’s note to Kaydee was on its way via Uluki, Callie settled down to write a second letter. She’d done the one to Kaydee first, because for several reasons it had been the easier one. For one thing, though she was worried Kaydee would hate her for what her husband had done, the chances that Kaydee would retaliate in a physical way were remote. Julen, on the other hand… well, he was a warrior, and most of all, he was a man. Callie had no concept of men relating to women in a way that wasn’t violent, so she was afraid Julen would take outright revenge, rather than just feeling the same anger she expected from Kaydee. Callie also hadn’t had to go into great detail in her note to Kaydee; Kaydee knew of Callie, though they had never talked much or been close, so not much needed to be explained. The letter could carry more unspoken words. With Julen, Callie would have to say everything she meant. Finally, Callie wasn’t sure how to get the note to Julen. She’d seen Uluki and Kaydee talking, so that had been an obvious way to pass a message along. She wasn’t sure if Julen, a soldier, talked to any of the civilians. Callie could have asked Rollick to pass the note… but she was terrified of Rollick, who was also a warrior and also a man. He had been nice to her, but what would he think of her if she asked him for a favour? He’d think her troublesome and demanding. He’d be angry with her and take back his promise that she wouldn’t be hurt. No, she wouldn’t ask Rollick. Still considering this problem, she sat down to compose her note.


Dear Mister Julen,

You don’t know me, but my husband was one of the people who beat you up in the shanty town. I’m really sorry he did that. It was a bad thing for him to do, but I didn’t find out till after he’d done it and I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop him anyway. I could never stop him from doing awful things.

Mister Rollick and Missus Uluki said I could stay here now that my husband is dead, but if you want I’ll go away. Just please, don’t make my little girl leave too because she needs a safe place and it’s not her fault her parents are bad people.

I’m very, very sorry for what my husband did to you. If it makes you feel better, he beat me that night too, so you’ll know I got punished for my mistakes. I’m just sorry you got hurt and I hope maybe someday you can forgive me even just a little bit for what he did.

Cinserely,
Callie


She folded the note, and eventually decided on asking Krarug to deliver it. That might have seemed a strange choice for a woman who was so fearful, but she’d never seen an Orc before, so the huge warrior seemed far less likely to hurt her than a human would be— she’d had plenty of experience indeed with violent human men. Besides, if the big Orc hit someone small like Callie, the person who was hit would probably just die. Krarug wouldn’t be able to inflict the daily hurts that someone like her husband had. The Orc seemed the safest prospect among the warriors, and the note had to go to a warrior to ensure it actually reached Julen. Krarug amiably agreed to deliver the letter to Julen when he returned, and Callie smiled shyly in thanks.


When Uluki, Rollick, and Rosemary arrived back at the compound, Rosemary went off to tend to her own tasks, and Uluki and Rollick collected Martin from Martha, who had kindly agreed to watch the baby in their absence, then they went to tell the girls they had returned.

As soon as Uluki and Rollick came into view, Kira threw down her trowel and raced over to meet them. Much to Uluki’s surprise, Kira wrapped her arms around both of them and squeezed them tighter than Uluki would have thought possible for someone with such a small frame.

Kira had been quite nervous while they were gone. She had already come to trust the two of them more than any adult she had ever met, and everything had seemed more dangerous while they were away. It was better now. The hands that took away pain, the arms that protected her from torture and death… she had been scared without them and was glad they were back.

“Missed you,” Kira said softly. Then, apparently embarrassed by her extreme display of affection, she turned away from them and, without another word or glance at them, returned to attacking a rock with her trowel with absolute focus, as though she’d never been doing otherwise.

Uluki and Rollick said more conventional hellos to Dash, Zee, and Kaydee, then Rollick went off to continue working on the fortifications and Uluki returned to the refugees. With the new supplies they had bought, Uluki was able to conduct a more effective knitting lesson since the needles and yarn no longer had to be shared and passed around, and her “students” made excellent progress.

The nomad clan settled surprisingly easily into the compound. They would sleep outside, as was their custom— Uluki offered them rooms in the buildings, but they declined, as she had thought they might— and though the traditional rules of hospitality required that the hosts provide sustenance, the Triazee family was well aware that they were visiting a refugee camp, not a clan of equal wealth and power. They had therefore brought their own food… in fact, they had brought food in surplus of their own needs; they shared it willingly with the refugees, thus also making their own sort of contribution to the support of the less fortunate. Doeni helped Martha with the cooking that was needed for the additional people, and all the members of the nomad family quickly joined the compound's routine with their relaxed friendliness and jovial sociability.

Before long more refugees arrived, and Uluki worked busily to settle them in. Soon the warriors would return from the shanty town, and everything at the compound seemed to be in order in anticipation of their arrival.

[Sir Karsimir]

Enclosing earthenworks greeted their return, standing far thicker than when they had left. Clearly the refugees had achievements of their own this day. One entire side of the compound bore completed ramparts, with further progress branching off from one corner. People clad in reds and browns carried earth-filled baskets inside as materials to build these strange walls. There was something uniform in their garb, though cloaks and boots were common - far better clothing than that standard in the shanty town.

Seeing a gap in the ramparts for entry, Aorle led the wagon through it. Inside he could sight many of those he had found earlier today, and was glad to see them safe.

Most of the men at arms were sparring or targeteering, save for Krarug and Darir who laboured in the trenches. Krarug because he was eager to serve, and Darir because the dwarrowfolk tongue had no word for 'vacation' - the closest they had translated to 'boredom', which just about summed up his mindset.

And there were others. Three who were new. One unknown to the Shining One. The one unknown was a swarthy fellow with whiskery stubble on his face, garbed in maille and helm and carrying a levered crossbow. As for more familiar faces, one a rugged-clad man with a straw-like beard, whose face seemed red from recent exertions and hands were dirty, though now he clutched a yew longbow in his hands rather than the shovel from earlier. Accompanying him was a man of girth, puffy-faced and resting a stout pollax on his shoulder.

Thinking to himself, the Shining One began organising matters so he could freely attend to the newcomers. "Sigvard, Thetta, take Sasha, Tam, Regan & Wolan inside and see they are fed and rested before they are ready to assist. Make sure your pact with Sasha is common knowledge, best to avoid secrecy. Osaw, Numidar, unload the supplies. Julen, as you see fit." Finally, he turned to his guests. "Welcome to our shelter."

Once within the compound, he unbuckled and removed his helm as the three approached. One, the stranger, gave a formal bow before approaching. The other two merely half-bowed from the waist and grinned warmly. "Has been too long, Lord Constable."

"Warden Thalnawr, Watchman Hergot. A pleasure to see you both." Each was greeted with a strong palm on the shoulder. "Is all well at Kreylask?"

"Aye! Lord. All is peaceful. The militia is strong. We came to find you sire, to see if we could convince you to pursue your quest for knighthood."

The Shining One could not help but grin. "That should be easy. Aorle Kar, Sword of Heaven, Knight of the Sundered Wing at your service." A sweeping bow followed that statement.

Both the militiamen stopped short and blinked. "Well done my lord. You don't waste much time. How did you manage that here of all places?"

"Angelic intervention. We are leaving someone out." With that, the swarthy crossbowman who had waited patiently was now greeted. "Light is with you." An exotic greeting, one learned from the monastic warrior who once taught him, and perhaps not wholly appropriate, but he missed using it.

"Shine well." replied the crossbowman, taking Aorle completely by surprise. "I seek the righteous, and find the blessed."