Thar Shaddin

I was willing to let the username slide actually. It's not -that- bad. At least there's no numbers...

But the application comes through as a giant wall of text. Please go through it to proof read and add some paragraphs.

Player Name: Damian

Name: Saeven

Age: 17

Race: Half-Elf

Height: 6’1”

Weight: 144.5 pounds

Physical Description: Seemingly comprised mostly of elbows and adam’s apples, Saeven is a tall gangly fellow. Despite this he has found that (according to the local women) that he’s not a bad looking guy. Having worked all his life, he is healthy and strong, simply not stocky like regular village folk. His medium length chestnut hair falls around his slightly pointed ears and his rather vibrant green eyes. Through his rather obsessive attempt to grow a beard he has had a small amount of success in recent years under his nose and on his chin, both growing a small amount of visible hair. His biggest complaint about his physical appearance are the two small cowlicks on both sides of his bangs. His step mother often described them as demons horns when he was younger since Saeven didn’t really take to his new mother quickly.

Possessions: The simple clothes of a farmer plus spares, his savings which comes to a measly 258 Bishan when you consider how long he was supposed to be saving, a small knife, lots of provisions thanks to the love of his step-mother, and a medallion that was once his deceased elf mother’s. The medallion itself is magical, but the magic is unknown to both Saeven and his father.

The effects are to magically lodge the wielder to the material plane and strengthen the seal between the two planes; in a very basic sense of things the amulet protects the wielder from a variety of spells. The amulet has a small aura (exactly 4’ radius centered on the amulet) that dispels magic from the astral plane. The amulet strengthens the barrier between the two planes keeping them firmly separate, similar to the strength of the barrier before the two planes began to cross over. This means that any magic that comes directly from the astral plane would disappear back to the astral plane once it came in range of the amulet. However spells that enhance elements found here on earth are not affected by the amulet. Fire here on the material plane burns those who get to close to its flame, so therefore a fireball cast from a distance and sent at the amulet would not be dispelled because fire is a real thing on this plane. Another good example of the amulet not protecting the wielder would be a mage who, using magic, picks up a boulder and drops it on the wielder, the amulet would do nothing to protect since the boulder is a very real, very heavy object on the material plane. Spells like the magical ability to heal however would have no affect on someone within the aura because here on the material plane the only way to heal injuries is by treating it and giving it time to cure itself. Another example would be magic that creates illusions or tricks of the eye. The illusion would work properly until the point that it enters the range of the amulet in which it would disappear reveling it to be fake. Demons who are summoned and bound to the material plane through different types of binding spells are also affect like illusions are. If the amulet comes within rang of so much as the big toe of a summoned demon, the spells holding the creature would be disrupted and it would be forced back to the astral plane. This amulet also of course prevents the wielder himself from using any type of magic, including fireballs and the sort.

Powers or Strengths: Saeven does have the gift to be able to use magic but he doesn’t know it. When he was younger he had tried desprately to controle anytype of magic at all, but thanks to the amulet all his attempts were a failure. Once his father caught him trying and explained to him his strong belief that magic was a useless ineffective waste of time. Saeven grew up a farmer, so he is healthy and fit, but he is no fighter. He has wrestled with the other boys his age and found himself to be very good at it, simply because he could weasel out of most holds the other boys tried to put him in. A very driven and determined lad. He is also a very good chef although embarrassed since it’s not the manliest of talents.

Weaknesses: Knows very little of combat, knows very little of magic, can’t be affected by positive magic when wearing the amulet like healing or good luck, and is also rather gullible. Also the amulet was originally used as a buckle so the 4’ radius was more than enough to cover the entire body of the wielder. Now used as an amulet for a tall boy, the aura cuts off just above his ankles leaving his feet unprotected.

History: North of the small village Shim there stood a small camp of barbaric trolls that had gotten it in their heads to destroy the town and take all they could. The city guards not had come to their aid, setting up between the trolls and the small town, all of the villagers who could fight, also joined to aid the city guard. Amongst them was a young farmer by the name of Gregory, armed only with a hatchet; he was fully prepared to die in order to protect his people. However he was simply a precaution and he and the other villagers would not need to fight this day, but they would instead be using their time burning the dead trolls and picking up their own dead.

When the battle began he watched as the guards fought tooth and nail against the trolls and destroy one after another with very few casualties on their side. Suddenly a horrified scream rang out over the din of battle. Searching for the sound Gregory spotted who had screeched and why. A powerful looking demon stood with a guard in his clutches. The demon seemed to simply breathe its fowl breath on the poor soul it had captured and the guard wasted away into nothing but bones and the armor he wore. Gregory guessed that a troll shaman must have summoned it, no doubt to then be eaten whole by the demon it had just called. None of the guards near the creature had much of an opportunity to engage it, many were fighting two trolls already, but a single guard did step forward to stop the demon from proceeding.

The demon looked at the single guard and laughed a chilling cackle, then with a great intake of breath the demon screeched. Gregory slapped his hands over his ears as did everyone who herd it, even the trolls. Those near the demon and his screech had blood oozing from there ears no doubt defend…all exept for the single guard who stood his ground. When the demon ceiced his screeching shock fell across its face. Shock quickly turned to anger, and the demon began back peddling away from the guard whilst he picked up large objects with magic and threw them at the guard who was now running to attack the demon. One large rock struck true just before the guard reached the demon, the guard took a few more staggered steps then fell to the ground, but just as the demon threw that final stone it had vanished completely. Gregory waited impatiently for the end of the battle since there was nothing he could do, until at last all of the trolls had fallen.

While the guards were still hacking apart the remains, and the villagers ran in with their wood and began setting fire to the trolls, Gregory watched as a powerful battlemage prepared a spell, and when he finished his incantation, many that had fallen wounded slowly began to rise. They instructed the villagers to burn all trolls and to also collect those that had died, having not risen to the spell of healing the mage had cast. Gregory quickly went to go see the body of the mysterious guard who had fought the demon for he had not risen, but to his surprise he found him to not be a he at all but rather a she, an elf to be exact and even more shocking she was still breathing. For some reason the spell of healing had missed her completely, and here she lay with a large open gash on her head. He quickly scooped up the light elf in his arms and turned to chase after the guards already heading back, but then stopped. He had watched the mage cast his spell yet it did nothing for this one. What’s to say that their stupid magic doesn’t work again, or worse, backfire and create more problems. His lack of knowledge towards magic made him decide to take her to his home and see that she heals properly himself. So he did just that.

For a full week the guard was very weak and could hardly form a coherent sentence, but finally the wound healed and the fever disappeared, and the elf, who’s name was Elena was able to thank Gregory for his efforts. Still weak and unable to go back to her full guard duties she decided to stay until she felt better. One thing led to another, and she decided to stay longer, until one day Gregory and Elena married. Several years later, with a baby boy named Saeven, Elena decided to return to the city guard, for she felt the urge to serve as a protector. Not long after she returned to the guard and after only a few return visits to her husband and son, she disappeared completely, with absolutely no explanation as to why.

Several years past, and after Gregory’s emotional wounds healed, he remarried, this time to a local named Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Gregory had four more children, all of them girls, Margery who is now 12, Ren who is 10, Heidi who is 9, and Opal who just turned 6. Elizabeth was very kind to all her children including Saeven who she treated as her only son. Now at the age of 17 Saeven couldn’t help but to think of his mother and who she was what she was like…and why she had left. The only thing he had was her amulet, the short description of what she looked like, and the knowledge that she disappeared in Marn. So he decided to go to Marn and make his fortune, and look for his mother at the same time. He said his good-byes, packed up, and left his home town traveling the short distance to Marn, his new home.

(The major difference is the details on the amulet, and what happened in the battle his mother fought in.)

Alright. Now, I need you to change up the description of his medallion so that it is in line with the magic system we use here. I'll approve the character, once this is changed and I'm sure you've got the right idea about our system and how we write.

If it absorbs all magic, it's not necessary to say what kinds of magic. Since there is no differentiation between shadow magic and light magic, or between beneficial or harmful magic for that matter. If the medallion acts by strengthening the barrier between the material and astral planes, so that people can't manipulate the physical world with magic, then that's all it should say.

I also don't really understand what it means to have a resistance to summoned creatures. Since there's no damage system, that statement is somewhat ambiguous. I think it should have no effect on those things, since the only effect it could have would be to banish them back to the astral plan, or make them fade away, and the amulet is pretty powerful as it stands.

Yeah ok so my explaining skills could use some work. I really wasn’t sure so I was just shooting ideas into the wind and hoping that they would catch flight.

I like they way you put it, that makes things easier. “The medallion acts by strengthening the barrier between the material and astral planes.” I will go with just about anything but I want to explain a little better what I was thinking. I looked at the description of the planes and figured there is two different ways of looking at how a magician could use his or her magic on the wielder of the amulet. The first would to use their magic in order to create or change something in the material plane, and the second would to simply use the magic directly on their target. So using the first way to cast the spell, if a mage summoned a giant flaming ball of death and sent it at Saeven, his amulet would do nothing to protect him, because now there is literally a giant flaming ball of death on the material plane, so he would burn to a crisp. However if he used the second way to cast a spell trying to inflict a curse of bad luck, the amulet would protect him because the spell is coming directly from the astral plane thus being neutralized. Here on the material plane (with no influence from the astral plane) there is no way to improve or decrease your amount of luck (that’s my belief anyways). So with the help of the amulet it stays that way, and the astral plane can do nothing about it. A giant flaming ball of doom would kill in the material plane, so whether or not it came from the astral plane would have no relevance as to whether or not the amulet would protect him.

As to why the demons would be weakened. I did make a mistake here, but what I was thinking was that a demon comes directly from the astral plane, soooo…the demon wouldn’t really be able to do much to the wielder of the amulet…but if we follow that same line of logic than basically all the new races like elf’s, dwarfs, and gnomes would also be weekend…hell Saeven would be half weekend himself since he is half astral too XD. So really the only thing that would help in fighting a demon would be that it neutralizes those spells that I described above.

Wow…a word to the wise, be careful when designing a complex magical item. I’ve almost spent more time trying to explain how it works than I have with my history XD.

Honestly I’m game for whatever you think fits. So if you want me to simply put “The medallion acts by strengthening the barrier between the material and astral planes.” Ill totally do that. I just threw in the amulet for fun; I just hope now that I’ve gone in-depth you don’t think I’m totally retarded.

((P.S. didn’t try to hard proof reading this so forgive typos thanks))

What you're saying makes sense to me and it sounds okay. I had to be sure before you started posting. We get the occasional writer who tries to play this like D&D or whatever, and works with spell classes or unwritten hitpoints/damage systems.

The barrier between the astral plane and the material plane is called the seal. It's mentioned somewhere in the setting or history description of Pal Tahrenor. The changers' war was the destruction of the seal, and it was mostly restored when the war ended. All magic works by weakening the seal (ostensibly the reason why it is illegal in Marn) and anti magic would be its strengthening. The dreaming mind of the umbra is pushed back when the logical eye of the physical plane is watching.

I would say that you're right that it wouldn't do anything to a fireball thrown at him, or a lightning bolt shot at him, since those things can exist physically, so unless the magic was still holding them together, they'd keep going. On that note, I'd also say that it would have the effect of pushing summoned creatures back into the the astral plane by making them fade away as they got closer.

All that sounds fine to me. Ill update my profile as soon as I can, I also wanted to add a few minor things, like tweak his history, and physical description a little. However I cant do that right now because tomorrow morning I will be on my way to California for a week (yippy!). Ill have a computer off and on so I think I will start posting sometime then.

Oh yeah, so other than the amulet workings is there anything else I need to change before I get started? Id hate to jump the gun here XD.

I don't see a problem, except that there are no towns nearby other than shim, which is protected by the Marn city guard. It'd be a lot easier if it just was the Marnian guard that Elena was fighting with. There are trolls to the north, in the mountains.

Up to you of course. He could have wandered in.

I think that about does it. I tried to explain the amulet better and added some detail, hope its still ok. I also decided to go with your suggestion and make him form Shim, I like that idea because now there still close enough for perhaps his family to get dragged into whatever drama he falls into along the way. The only other thing I tweaked was his history…and I added some cowlicks to his appearance XD

Approved.