Daily Tattler

Current events, from the local sources. Newsletters, gossip, propaganda.
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Falcon Bertille
Posts: 196
Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2007 4:15 pm

Daily Tattler

Post by Falcon Bertille » Fri Mar 16, 2007 4:02 am

[Peanuts And Beer http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?t=215]

What Are They Putting In Those Nutcakes?!

So, the captain of the guard walks into a bar...

Of course, this time the punch line turned out to be a bit more complicated. It all started last night, when the leader of Marn’s finest, Camulous Smithson, paid a visit to the Red Chalice Inn. But don’t worry, he wasn’t there to spend your tax money on beer and peanuts. No indeed, our brave city employee was distributing wanted posters, which is nearly as good as actually catching criminals, and almost as dangerous, when you take into account the risk of accidental thumbtack punctures.

But of course, the courageous captain is always sensitive to anything which might threaten the citizenry, and he soon discovered just such a sinister presence in the form of a woman quietly drinking her ale. With her was another woman, barely bigger than a child, who had the audacity to...wait for it...offer her friend a nutcake. This reporter doesn’t remember exactly when nutcakes became illegal in Shim, but surely the Judges have their reasons.

“I don’t blame the captain,” defended Magnus, the bartender on shift that night. “You should have seen the two of ‘em. They both had wings, and that just ain’t right. The little one, she started out real tiny, and then turned bigger. Probably a fairy. I don’t rightly know what the bigger lady was. She had huge, leathery wings and markings on her skin like I’ve never seen before. They both seemed plenty magical. The captain did the right thing.”

Well, tried to do the right thing, at least. Apparently the arrest didn’t go as planned, because neither lady ever made it to the Justice Hall. But the night wasn’t a complete loss for the captain. He got a chance to discharge that nifty gnomish pistol he’s so proud of, right into the leg of local resident. Again, this reporter isn’t sure when that became the official punishment for tavern brawling, but it must be in the law books somewhere.

Also, the captain arrested a dead body, later identified as a drow named Kaven. While not quite as difficult to arrest as a live body, it’s certainly more difficult to question. We here at the Tattler are thrilled to see the city guard giving themselves adequate challenges.

Maybe they’ll eventually be able to do something about that rampant nutcake problem...

[Haven In The Woods http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?t=287]

Dead Badger in a Light Hollandaise Sauce

When we’re not busy reporting all the cutting-edge news from around Marn and Shim, we here at the Tattler also enjoy sharing a bit of culture with our readers. To that end, we sent our top tavern critic to review a quaint new place we discovered while venturing off the beaten path (way, way, way off the beaten path). This still-unnamed hotspot needs a bit of work before it’s ready to officially open. But if you go soon, you’ll be able to get a table before the crowds hit.

The first thing our reviewer noticed was a distinct lack of parking. But then, it would be the rare cart or carriage that could travel so deep into the woods without even a narrow trail to aid it. Also, no sign marks the tavern’s location. If not for a pile of broken, rotted old furniture sitting outside, our reviewer never would have found the entrance. We here at the Tattler recommend that the tavern’s owners invest in a little advertising if they want to attract some customers. (Perhaps a full-page ad in our own lovely paper?)

The tavern itself couldn’t properly be described as a hole in the wall. It’s more like a cave in the rock. But once our reviewer pushed past a tangle of overgrowth still covering the door, he was treated to a sight which made the journey worthwhile. Seeming to respond to his presence, hundreds of vines began to glow with a soft, organic light, which glittered off the natural crystals covering the interior walls of the cavern. This unique ambiance more than compensates for the uncomfortable stone furniture and somewhat slack housekeeping standards.

Three proprietors seem to be in charge of this unlikely venture. Geldenwing, who could talk the ears off a jackrabbit, is a diminutive sprite with definite hostess potential as long as she doesn’t fall in the food. (Excuse me, waiter, there’s a fairy in my soup.) Illilli, who has the unnerving habit of shifting into forms ranging from a tiny dragon to a woman with large leathery wings and a tail, struck our reviewer as being more of the managerial sort. And then there’s Ander Valman, a young man on the run after some sort of trouble with his family in Shim. Since his father is apparently a baker, perhaps Ander will be filling the position of pastry chef.

At the moment, the menu is still a bit nebulous. A large, rather irritable badger recently dropped dead in the tavern, but it remains unclear if anyone has plans for cooking it. Ander seemed to become quite uncomfortable when our reviewer brought the subject up. Nevertheless, we here at the Tattler don’t think you should let a little detail like that keep you from enjoying this unique dining experience. Just keep an eye on your kids -- don’t let them play with the egg sacs of poisonous spiders or with the gnomish toilet. (Our reviewer doesn’t want to know what happened to the quill pen he accidentally dropped in there.)

Remember, if it's happening in Thar Shaddin, it's in the Tattler.

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