Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

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Sisara
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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Sisara » Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:02 pm

When Farius stepped closer, Sisara almost stepped back. She was afraid that if he came too close, that if he touched her, she wouldn’t be able to stop the tears. And she didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want to be weak. Yet at the same time, the only thing she really wanted was to let go, to cry her eyes out and have him take her in his arms.

So she stayed where she was and when he wrapped his arms around her neck, she wrapped hers around her chest in a weak attempt to hold herself together. But there was no escaping it. As soon as he started talking, she started trembling and the tears were starting to stream down her face.

It took a while before his words sank in, trapped as she was in this spot, in a time long gone. When they did, she finally looked up into his eyes, saw his expression. He was serious. She had known for a long time that he didn’t give a shit about anything. Heck, it was and always had been his way of living to make everyone think he was out to ruin his life – which wasn’t as far from the truth, most of the time. But to have him state it like this... Instinctively, her hands shot out to snag his shirt, to hold on to him. Whether to comfort him or give herself reassurance, she didn’t know.

You think I saved your life here where we're standing, all those years ago. But you really saved me.

“Farius...” She looked away again, or tried to, but he wouldn’t let her.

I'd be dead…

The mere thought of losing him... No. No, she couldn’t bear it. Her hands balled into fists and it was quite possible that her nails were caught on more than just the cloth.

“Don’t...” He didn’t give her the chance to tell him off for saying such a horrible thing relentlessly continuing.

… and I fucking love you, Sisara Kasabian.

Her breath caught in her throat and she looked at him incredulously before a loud sob escaped her as the tears that were still flowing clashed with the breath she was holding. So many things she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to ask, but nothing mattered anymore. Nothing, except for those last words.
If he was joking...
But his face was still as serious now as it had been when he had wrapped his arms around her neck.
Using her hold on him as leverage, she pulled herself closer in one swift movement and kissed him. And into that kiss, she tried to pour all her emotions, the ones she could not put into words, her fear, her anger, her desperation, her love. All of it. And at that moment, she stopped caring whether he had meant those words the way she had heard them or not.
She had just given herself away, had revealed a secret she hadn’t even known she’d kept.

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Farius Masello
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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Farius Masello » Mon Jul 28, 2014 10:03 am

For his entire life, love had been relegated to a faceless concept for the common man, in a strictly platonic relationship with Farius. It had been an excuse for sex, an arcane notion beyond his reach, something he told himself didn't exist. In its place was simply sex: rutting, one woman on any given night different from the next, and sometimes several. It had become second nature; he didn't even get anything out of it anymore. In childhood, it was a status symbol; it grew into an addiction, then simply routine. But even though he had grown to hate it, 'lust' was still much more plausible than 'love'.

But he had said those words, hadn't he? But...they were just words, weren't they? They always were. Anything he said, just words. Emptiness, that was the entire life of Farius Masello. Nothing to give him purpose, no direction, nothing to keep him from performing internal surgery upon the shameful cancers of his life with the rusty knife of his self-loathing. Love. Not lust. Completely alien.

But Sisara is here, isn't she? Here. Right in front of me. I just told her I loved her. And she's right here.

And if she's here, then there must be hope. Hope for me. Hope for me.

And if there is hope, then maybe what I said was true.

I'm positive it's true. I've loved her all this time.

It's true and I've never felt it before and that all changes tonight.


Farius leaned deeply into Sisara's kiss, feeling emotion well up inside him. He felt like he was going to cry. He was crying. There were tears and he was ecstatic and Sisara was here and her lips were all that mattered. Farius' arms slipped down to wrap around Sisara's waist, squeezing tightly. The word 'sex' had barely entered his mind when all the fury that had been wrapped in such a stranglehold around his own mind unfurled in an instant and purged it from existence like an ocean dropping on a grain of sand. This isn't sex. Love isn't sex. Love is Sisara. It was such a novel feeling yet it felt like nothing had clicked more in his entire life.

Farius finally pulled away, blinked but made no effort to wipe away the tears on his face. He couldn't afford to pull his hands from Sisara, but he couldn't bear to be any farther away than he possibly could, so he touched his forehead to hers. He could feel her breath on him and no erotic act, no carnal pleasure could hope to match it.

"How have I been so blind? Years of searching, trying to cut the hole in my heart to conform to anything I could and leaving nothing but a mangled, bloody mess. But it's your bloody mess if you want it. It's nothing, I'm so worthless, but I want to be worth something so I can offer it to you. I'll be there for you. Nobody will ever harm you again, I swear, they'll be dead. We don't even have to stay in Marn, we can go anywhere, I'll take you west, I'll take you east, wherever I can go to be with you, Sisara." He paused for a breath, shaking his head slightly. His frantic, adoring exhortation turned melancholy.

"What am I saying?" Farius' entire field of view was consumed by Sisara's eyes. Hazel, reflecting back the last whisper of sunlight and the first of the nightly lanterns. How symbolic. No matter how this ends, nothing will end up the same. This is it.

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Sisara
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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Sisara » Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:23 pm

For that flicker of a moment it took Farius to realise what Sisara had just done, a tiny spark of doubt started creeping into her heart, making her wonder if she should not have…
And then he reciprocated and Sisara wanted to laugh and cry at the same time while never letting him go. She pressed herself against him as close as she could get, wrapping her arms around his neck. It was all she could do to stop herself from digging her nails in.

Never would she have thought this would feel the way it did. Back when they were younger, she had had imagined what it would be like to kiss Farius. Of course she had. He had been her saviour, her hero, and she had adored him. No man could ever compare to him. She had never acted on it though, nor had she ever truly entertained any thoughts of telling him how she felt about him. He was her brother, her other half. As time passed, so did her feelings. Or so she had thought. Maybe she had just grown very adept at hiding them. Not only from Farius, but from herself as well.

Did it feel good to feel his arms slide around her, hold her tight… She never wanted him to let go. And he didn’t. His hold didn’t loosen one bit, not even when they came up for air. Drawing a shaky breath, she looked into his eyes, as they stood forehead against forehead. Her fingers were idly playing with his hair, as she dreamily lost herself in his gaze with a smile on her lips. If someone had told her this would be the result of a blind date, of this blind date, she wouldn’t have believed them. Yet, here they were…

“I have never wanted anyone but you,” Sisara replied when Farius stopped talking. The moment she said the words, she realised they were true. No fling had ever meant anything to her. She had never much cared about sex, too scarred by that day so many years ago to ever truly enjoy it, so she had closed herself off for the most part. What had mattered to her was intimacy, and practically no man had ever been able to fill that need. She had never been able to fully trust anyone. Only one man, only one person in all her life, had ever had her blind trust.

With a smile, she traced her shaking hands along the face of that man, just as reluctant to let go as he was. She craved the physical touch; no, she needed it, needed it to be sure that this wasn’t just a dream. “You are worth everything to me. And I will follow you no matter what you do, no matter where you go. Broken as we may both be, I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Gently, she brushed away his tears, feeling some of her own trickle down her cheeks, all the while keeping her eyes locked with his. “I trust you, Farius. With my life. With my heart. Every part of me, all that I am, belongs to you. Always has.”

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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Farius Masello » Thu Jul 31, 2014 8:56 am

Farius felt Sisara's soft palm brush along his cheek, felt every single follicle of stubble as it passed under her touch. Every sensation was magnified a thousandfold; the entire world felt sharp and in focus, and that focus was Sisara. "Every part of me, all that I am, belongs to you." That was terrifying. Farius felt like responsibility was something that didn't mesh well with him, not after all that had happened. I will fail her. I can't do it But looking into those eyes, the visage of his first true love (even if he couldn't believe it yet), he couldn't just let it go there. But fuck if I won't die trying.

He gently cupped both sides of her face and kissed her again, tersely but tenderly. Farius contemplated the feeling. "It's so much different," he said softly, with a touch of wonder. The disbelief he was feeling was turning into mere confusion, but even the confusion felt oddly right. He suddenly felt very exposed out in the open; he wanted to retreat, with Sisara, someplace they could hide from the cold world, the place Farius was so afraid of. The end of the alley, the small back lot of his grandparents' former home, felt wrong now. It was of the past. I never thought I'd get away from the past. I don't even know if i am yet. I feel like I am.

"I need to leave, and I need to leave with you." But where? The answer seemed obvious. "I want to go back. But I want to go back there with you, Sisara. And I don't want to be afraid." For the first time that evening, he heard himself speak. I don't sound like myself at all. Maybe I'm not myself anymore. I'd be perfectly okay with that. Sisara doesn't deserve me, so I won't be me. I'll be whatever it takes.

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Sisara
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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Sisara » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:51 am

When Farius kissed her again, a sudden flurry of butterfly wings erupted in her stomach. It was an unusual experience for her, but Sisara quite enjoyed the exquisite tingling of her nerves, the teasing shiver that ran down her spine. Combined with his hands on her face… she could just stay like that forever.
“It is,” she agreed with a wondrous smile, though her voice barely rose above a whisper now, afraid she’d shatter the bubble that existed around just the two of them. Nothing outside of that bubble mattered. The whole Guard could have been standing around them, watching them and she wouldn’t have cared. All that mattered to her in this world was inside that precious little bubble.

“Alright.” Whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted to go, she’d go with him. About to ask where he wanted to go when he continued to speak, Sisara realised that this night had yet a few more things for them in store. She merely nodded with an encouraging smile displayed on her face and reluctantly stepped away from him.

“And I don’t want to be afraid.”
Slipping her hand into his, she squeezed it gently. “I’ll be with you.”

Though she knew where they were headed now, she let Farius lead to give him the chance to feel that this was still his decision, that he still wanted to do this. She didn’t want him to think that she was forcing him to go back and confront the memory. She wanted to give him the option to change his mind and go somewhere else, if that was what he wanted.

For the most part, she was lost in her own thoughts as they walked, regularly glancing over at her best friend, her… love? She quite simply just couldn’t believe it. His presence was so real next to her and yet she felt like she was walking through a dream. Probably the best dream she had ever had, but nevertheless a dream. More than once, she felt herself blush, though she rarely, if at all, lost the happy glow that came with the smile that seemed to be engraved on her face for good.

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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Farius Masello » Wed Aug 13, 2014 6:30 pm

There it was. The sight of it instinctually elicited fear. No. That's not how this is going to end up. Never again. Their hiding spot. The last time Farius was here, he had bared his soul to Sisara and to himself, and he found his own person to be lacking. From then on, he had come to hate himself for being insufficient. Not until now had he realized that it just needed Sisara. Years of trying to jam pieces of...anything in an attempt to fit had ended up here. The source of his sorrow, and he was bringing his only joy here. "This is either beautifully ironic, or pointless."

Nonetheless, he stepped inside, and felt more than saw Sisara follow him. It was just as he remembered, if a bit more dusty. It was a small, one-room house of sorts; it lacked some of the amenities of a home, but was still livable. There was a tiny fireplace, a dresser, a table with an accompanying chair in the corner, and a common-looking bed against the far wall. The entire thing, if bare, could not hold more than two dozen people, and then not comfortably at all. As it stood, maybe ten people could stand on the floor space if they stood touching.

Why am I thinking about this? Everything seems so hyper-focused, like I can think about everything at once. I'm not even listening to my own thoughts. Without meaning to, Farius sat down on the bed, picking his feet up on the bed and resting his back against the wall. He could see Sisara again. "This is where I was sitting, for most of the time, anyway. Until I fell asleep."

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Sisara
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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Sisara » Wed Aug 13, 2014 7:31 pm

Sisara’s stomach twisted together a little when they stepped over the threshold. The last time they had been here, it really hadn’t been the most comfortable incident, for either of them, even though it had been necessary, and even though it had been a good experience of sorts despite everything. He had been completely honest with her and though it had hurt, Farius had...

No. Not now.’ Ripping herself out of her thoughts, she watched Farius walk across the room, hesitating a little, and then take a seat on the bed. Just like last time. He even said so. She merely nodded, trying to fight all the emotions that were trying to take root. There were so many of them. The memory of that last time mingled with the feelings of what had just happened and Sisara wasn’t sure anymore what to feel.

Seeing him sitting there made her heart ache and she wanted to go to him, lean against him and show him that he wasn’t alone. They had never done things that way though. She hadn’t been the cuddly kind, even if maybe sometimes she would have liked him to wrap her in his arms, and it was just not their way. Or hadn’t been. Maybe that had changed now? What had their revelation changed?

With a pang, Sisara realised that it had been Farius revelation. He was the one who had said the words. She might have initiated their kiss but she had never said the words. Instantly, she felt nervous again, wanting to blurt them out right there and then, but knowing that it wasn’t the time now to tell him that she loved him.

She started to feel silly remaining standing in the middle of the room, but the chair seemed worlds away from where he was sitting and the bed... she wasn’t quite ready to go sit next to him now that she had realised that she hadn’t actually told him that... ‘Sisara Kasabian, you are a fool. She should have told him.

Instead of deciding between one or the other seating option, she decided to pace the room a little, but that felt wrong as well, so instead she went towards the bed, but instead of sitting down, she leaned against the wall in such a way that she could still look at Farius when he talked.

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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Farius Masello » Fri Dec 12, 2014 3:59 am

Farius' head fell against more than hit the wall with a dull rap. Anxiety was strangely giving way to giddiness, nervous, tentative, not daring to stick open the metaphorical door more than a crack. Still, it was the first sign of sun he had seen for almost his entire adulthood. He once again became caught up in the sight of Sisara, but this time he saw all the hurt he had placed on her, all the back-breaking weight that, it pained him to think, she willingly carried...for him.

And then the strangest of occurrences played in Farius' mind.

All that weight was lifted, the hurt taken away, and it was all Farius could do to remind himself it was only in his mind's eye. "You know," he said, breaking the short but heavy silence, "it's always seemed we were inseparable, but held together by scar tissue--a strong bond, forged on good intentions, and then slowly corrupted. By me. It took the parasite holding my side of the load dying for those scars to lose their sway. It feels so fresh. I'm almost excited." He paused for a moment. "I would say it was always meant to be like this, but...it wasn't. It was sheer force of will that brought this moment, this night to pass, and a hell of a lot of luck. It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Sisara » Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:17 pm

With her arms crossed over her chest, shoulders and head leaning against the wall, Sisara just looked at Farius. It was the oddest thing to see the present moment and the memory impose themselves on her vision and it took a conscious effort for her to focus on the here and now.

When their eyes met, each studying the other, Sisara wasn’t quite sure what she was reading in Farius’ gaze for the mix of emotions crossing his features was confusing. His words, oddly, stung a little and she already was on the brink of protesting when he turned the words around again, teasing a smile out of her. Still she was looking into his eyes and she felt the smile grow, sharing in his excitement. It really did feel refreshing.

But when he continued... when he told her she was beautiful... All of a sudden, the fear that had tried to seize Sisara the moment she had stepped over the threshold clawed its way into her and she pushed herself away from the wall, away from Farius. It looked like she was fleeing a reply, and she probably was. She was suddenly reminded how many flings she had witnessed, how many times she had...

How many other girls had he told those exact words to?
Come on, Sis. This is Farius! You know him. He may be a player but has he ever once lied to you?’ Well maybe he hadn’t always been honest about certain things but they had nevertheless always trusted each other. So why was she so insecure now?

Silly, silly emotions.

The silence stretched once again as she didn’t know what to reply and by now she had let the silence go on for too long. Hugging herself, she stood with his back to him, trying hard not to give in to the fear. If she lost him now... She couldn’t lose him. She just couldn’t. And yet, words wouldn’t come and she could feel the sting in her eyes already, but she furiously blinked away any possible tears. No, she would not cry!

Steeling her will, she turned back around and this time, she moved to sit cross-legged on the bed, facing Farius. “Did I ever tell you how much you mean to me?” Of course, she knew the answer to that question. Never. Not really anyway.

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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Farius Masello » Sat Jan 17, 2015 4:25 am

"You didn't," Farius said softly, his words almost lost in a sudden din of commotion outside the thin walls. The outside world was but an annoyance now: the Guard, the Paragon, the Courts, the Synevives, the street rats, all lost to them now. Farius' world consisted of two beating hearts. "But I think I know. I'd like for you to explain anyway." Farius stood as he spoke and ambled over to Sisara, never breaking eye contact, and hugged her. It was basic, like a child hugging a pet or a parent. There was nothing attached to it but simple affection. "If you would."

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Re: Blind Dates: Farius and Sisara

Post by Sisara » Sun Jan 18, 2015 10:26 pm

She never made it to the bed, never finished her move, unable to just go and sit there, facing him. But she didn’t have to. All of a sudden he got up, confirming that she had never revealed her feelings to him. And then he was standing in front of her, still looking into her eyes and the lump in her throat grew bigger and bigger with every moment that passed.

When he hugged her, Sisara went rigid and at first didn’t react beyond forcing herself not to give in to the tears that were still threatening to spill over. She hadn’t expected him to hug her. She probably could have dealt with him sitting there and looking at her, but this?

If you would.

He was so sweet, so delicate in the way he hugged her that she didn’t know how to handle it, but some kind of instinct seemed to take over and she flung her arms around him, holding on tightly, much tighter than he did. It took her a few racing heartbeats to get herself under control before she finally spoke.

“You are my world, Farius.” A few seconds of silence, before Sisara cleared her throat and entangled herself from the embrace. Brushing a hand through her hair, and in the process messing it all up by ruining her tight ponytail, which ended up sitting somewhat askew, Sisara began pacing again. How could she possibly find the right words to describe just how much he meant to her? It was impossible to put such feelings into words.

“For years, I never allowed myself to feel anything remotely resembling... this... for you. I... I never realised...,” Sisara stopped again, uncertain. But then she took a deep breath and faced Farius. “I meant what I said earlier. No man has ever meant anything to me. I have never wanted anyone but you, even if I may not have realised it. Farius...,” her eyes dropped to the floor as she steeled herself for the next words before looking into his eyes. “Farius, I love you.”

Her earlier words came back to mind. “I trust you, Farius. With my life. With my heart. Every part of me, all that I am, belongs to you. Always has.” She smiled. She may not have said the three important words back in the alley, but she had told him that he meant a lot to her. But this was better.

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