Samelle Vuirtez

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justsam
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Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2015 4:15 am
Name: Samelle Vuirtez
Race: Werewolf

Samelle Vuirtez

Post by justsam » Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:39 am

Name: Samelle Vuirtez
Race: Werewolf/Human Form
Age:[/b ]23
Height: 4"7
Weight: 118Ib

Physical Description:
She takes long strides in every step, not liking to waste time. She has short hair as red as the fire in her soul. Grey, watchful eyes. Her face is smooth other than a small splash of freckles and a scar under her eye. She sports all black clothing, nothing too rich or too odd to draw attention. Simply to blend in.
She is short and comfortably skinny but doesn't believe she is beautiful. Her nose is slightly too long, her lips slightly too thin, and her eyes too plain. And those freckles. She hates her freckles.

Possessions:
When she ran from home, she took nothing with her but a small satchel of [black] clothes, portions of imperishable foods, two double bladed daggers, and her father's ivory bow and arrows. In her arrow sheath is a stockful of black arrows and one single silver arrow (to which she is careful not to touch) waiting to be used.
Her only skill is archery.

Powers or Strengths: This Also Contains Weaknesses
Having been a sheltered girl most of her life, only having hunted with her father ever so often, she lacked the skills of life. She didn't know her way around, how to communicate with strangers, or how to spend her money. She was awkward.
So she tried not to speak to others. She avoided it, keeping to her bow and daggers.
To those, she was legendary. She hunted everything from rabbits to bears to giants with her father.
Maybe that last one was a lie. She's also a legendary liar.
Her father taught her best.

She was also afraid of fire. She was burned at a young age, by her mother, for attempting magic.
Whatever. She was never good at magic, anyway.

History:
A few months ago, she was Changed. Absorbed. Eaten alive.
But she survived.
Samelle became a werewolf. A hunter of all hunters. And she did, indeed, become a hunter. Her first Changing, on the night of a full moon, she grew teeth half the length of a foot. Her short red hair turned to gray fur, matching with her concealing grey eyes. And her two feet became a two sets of paws on the race for blood.
Blood. Meat. She definitely needed some meat.
...
She awoke the next morning, bare naked, lying next to her sister. Her dead sister. She put the pieces together, realizing what she had done. Samelle put together a satchel of necessities and set out from Shim to anywhere that would leave her footprints unnoticed. She became afraid of her own body, swearing to never use these 'powers' she had 'received.'
She would go to Marn. And she would find whoever changed her. She would rip their throat out.
-
FROM THREAD REPLY:
Pinching off a small piece of the block of cheese from her bag, Samelle sat cross-legged in the alleyway's cold misty night air. The cheese was slightly molded on the edges before she simply picked it off and continued to feed her appetite.
She remembered taking the cheese out from her mother's pantry to give to her satchel. It was the cheese her mother had made in a contest against her neighbors. She was certainly passionate about her cooking, and when someone insulted her food, she didn't go down without a fight.
Her mother had once made a whole feast just because of the new job her father had gotten. She had spent the entire day and the night before to make a dinner he would be proud of. When they all had sat down to eat, her sister had stared at the food for merely a second before turning her face away with disgust, refusing to even take a bite.
Her mother was not happy.
Her sister, Jayne, was the spitting image of their mother: long brown hair, high cheekbones and adorably thick, rosy cheeks. She spent more of her thoughts on how to get away with anything than actually doing something, like when their mother once had to go to town for a day and asked Jayne to wash the outside of the barn before she returned.
She didn't do it.
She claimed that she twisted her ankle on the way out to the barn.
Samelle had to wash the walls instead while it grew darker by the minute. Her father wouldn't let her come back inside until it was finished, and while she spent nearly the entire night out there, her sister sat inside, in her cozy bedroom, staring out the window and watching Samelle suffer in the frigid air.
-
At a very young age, when Samelle's sister was still in her mother's belly, their family set out from Shim. With a newborn on the way, they wanted peace from the neighborhood, so they set out to the woods, about a thirty minute walk, away from Shim. Samelle helped as best as a five-year-old could at that point - carrying nails and bringing in some small furniture while the rest of them took what could be carried by foot.
With what little they had, they built their home using the resources around them. They tiny house was drenched in her mother's quilts, dishware, hay that was she plumped every night before bed, and other small necessities. Samelle's favorite thing in the house was the three candles that were on the table. One for each of them. Her father promised that they would carve out another just before her sister would come.
Last edited by justsam on Wed Jan 21, 2015 3:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Katona
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Posts: 374
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:51 am
Name: Nashandra Katona
Race: Human

Re: Samelle Vuirtez

Post by Katona » Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:44 am

Welcome to Thar Shaddin, Sam! Thanks for the character application.

Overall, this is a good first character, but there a few things I'd like to see added at this point. You focus mostly on her recent incident with getting turned into a werewolf and killing her sister. I'd like to see the history expanded to show her life before these events, and you should try to show what kind of person she is outside of the werewolf curse in her strengths/weaknesses (or a personality section, if you'd prefer that). Along with that, killing your own sister would have a pretty big impact on your psychology, as would running away from home when you're a sheltered child, so I'd like to see some mention of how that affects her.

Another thing to point out is that Shim isn't that far from Marn, only a couple of hours by foot, so it may be difficult for her to hide from her parents (and the city guards, if she's been reported missing) so close to home. On that note, how much does she know about Marn, in general? How much does she care for the culture of Thar Shaddin?

Did she get the werewolf curse some time before she first changed into one? Perhaps you could shed some more light onto how that happened. Does she know it was a person who caused it, or does she just believe that to be the case?

In summary, I'm just looking for you to flesh out the character, give us a little more information to go on, and show how she fits into the setting. Please add her age at the top as well. When you're done with the app and want it looked at again, just reply in this thread. If you have any questions, you can reply here, PM a moderator, or log into chat and see if there's anyone around who can answer your questions for you. Have fun!


Some general information of shifters, specifically in Marn/Shim:

Shifters aren't necessarily uncommon, even in Thar Shaddin -- she could theoretically have neighbours who are shifters (although that may not be the case) -- so she would not typically associate it with evil without some other reasoning behind it. However, shifters that result from curses aren't anywhere near as common as those born with the ability, so keep that in mind when considering her knowledge and preconceptions about shifters.

In general, people in the area may have some prejudice (essentially racism) against shifters, so it may not be wise to be open about it or to shift/transform openly, but shifters are technically protected under Marn's laws and it's not considered "magic" in the same way most things are (according to the local laws). Basically, some of the people in Thar Shaddin can be quite xenophobic, and there are some anti-shifter campaigns, but there are shifters and other part-animal creatures in the area.

justsam
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Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2015 4:15 am
Name: Samelle Vuirtez
Race: Werewolf

Re: Samelle Vuirtez

Post by justsam » Sat Jan 17, 2015 5:13 am

Thanks for taking time to read it!

I thought I touched base with her past. She went hunting with her father as a favorite pastime. When stated that her mother hurt her when she played with magic at a young age, if shows that her mother takes care of her and teachers her well in moral standards. Her sister wasn't mentioned anyhow, other than her being dead.

Her parents didn't leave Shim. Their home was just on the outskirts of town, and while they try to keep to themselves as a lone, independent family, they still have to go into town every so often.

For addressing the werewolf curse, as I've always read in many a books, is that a person gains the werewolf curse through being bitten. They may not even know they'd been bitten in such "demonic" ways. It takes until the next full moon for said bite to take affect, and the human changes forms unwillingly and mindlessly starving.
In Samelle's case, she assumes she simply got unlucky when she went out hunting alone one night (her father had said he didn't have time to that day, and so Samelle sneaked out that night on her need for the endurance that her bows gives her), and she found herself attacked in the middle of the woods by something of human form that left as quickly as it came.
Last edited by justsam on Wed Jan 21, 2015 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Metarie
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Name: Metarie
Race: Elf

Re: Samelle Vuirtez

Post by Metarie » Sat Jan 17, 2015 5:28 am

justsam wrote:Thanks for taking time to read it!

For addressing the werewolf curse, as I've always read in many a books, is that a person gains the werewolf curse through being bitten. They may not even know they'd been bitten in such "demonic" ways. It takes until the next full moon for said bite to take affect, and the human changes forms unwillingly and mindlessly starving.
In Samelle's case, she assumes she simply got unlucky when she went out hunting alone one night (her father had said he didn't have time to that day, and so Samelle sneaked out that night on her need for the endurance that her bows gives her), and she found herself attacked in the middle of the woods by something of human form that left as quickly as it came.
What's important is what is in the site's setting about shifters and creating a character aligned with the setting. Here's the info on werewolves/shifters from the Setting wiki. I hope the info in the link clarifies Katona's feedback for you.

http://www.tharshaddin.com/wiki/Werewolf
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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Katona
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Posts: 374
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:51 am
Name: Nashandra Katona
Race: Human

Re: Samelle Vuirtez

Post by Katona » Sat Jan 17, 2015 6:23 am

I'd like you to take another look at my first reply and make the changes I've requested. My comments, and this approval process in general, are there for good reason. Not only does the site staff need to make sure your character fits into the setting and that you've fleshed the character out properly, but other members also look at your application when deciding whether they'd like to write with your character.

So, as for her past history, think of it this way: if someone tried to define your entire life and personality by the most recent significant event in your life, would you consider that accurate? Did nothing else worth mentioning happen at any time before that? Is your relationship with people in your life able to be reduced to a single activity or a single event? It should be the same for your characters, because people are a lot more complex than a few lines of writing can really summarize. If you look at some of the approved applications, it should give you a better idea of what kind of thing we're looking for. Here are a few examples:

http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3446
http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3426
http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3367
http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3143
http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3141
http://www.tharshaddin.com/rp/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3039
Her parents didn't leave Shim. Their home was just on the outskirts of town, and while they try to keep to themselves as a lone, independent family, they still have to go into town every so often.
I'm not sure what this is referring to. You may need to clarify.

Now, when it comes to making changes to your application, you should edit the changes into your first post. In particular, I'd like you to rewrite the history, taking into consider the things I've pointed out in this reply and my previous one. Also, although we're not too pedantic about grammar, be particularly careful with your tenses. We only use past tense:
... Samelle sits cross-legged in the alleyway's cold misty night air.
That should say "Samelle sat" instead.

As Metarie has pointed out, what's important is to make your character fit into what we've established for the site previously. We are our own independent setting, and the rules of our setting may not necessarily be the same as commonly accepted fantasy lore. What's written in books in other settings doesn't necessarily have any impact on this setting.

Let me know when you're ready to have your application looked over again.

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