Rat, Cat, Garbage

[Ardys]

She was taking orders from a damn cat. There were a few choice words she could have employed, but she knew that they wouldn't be appreciated in mixed company. After all, she had stowed away on a ship full of masculine sailors with their masculine swearing before... and just maybe it had been more than once. Actually, her language wouldn't be appreciated in most company, especially among the landlubbers. Not that she'd ever say something like landlubbers, and particularly because she wasn't a water rat.

"Damn me blood pressure!" She growled low in her throat at him, knowing he didn't give a shit about what she thought. "Jus' get off'f me, hairball..." Realizing that under no circumstances he would do so, she was reminded why she disliked cats so much besides the evolution aspect of it. She winced as he jabbed at her with his claws, then sighed as her healing factor kicked in. "We're gonna need t'have a little chat about pers'nal boundaries an' the like, y'hear?" She knew he wouldn't care. Ardys was also painfully aware that any talking would be a one-way battle against the pigheadedness of the feline race.

Shrugging to herself, she finished her food and then followed the demanding hairball up the stairs, jangling the keys to the room on her finger. "Keep yer hat on, kitten. I'm comin'." With a slight whistle to herself she unlocked the room and stepped into it, conveniently letting the door shut as he followed her. She recognized after she'd let the door go that he might get hit. Whoops. She grinned and strode over to the windows, unbarring the shutters and letting in the night air.

[Cat]

Haha, personal boundaries. No such thing as personal boundaries in the world of the feline. Mind her, he had been turned into a cat specifically because he tended to act like one. The condition of this 'felinism' had only worsened after they had taken his body, to the point where it was difficult to imagine him not being a cat. He had, seriously, once been human, right?

Anyhow, they made their way up to the room (Ardys simply dragging behind as if to sight see or some such nonsense) and Cat quickly remember why he hated that he didn't have thumbs. He stood directly by her feet as she unlocked the door to their room, and the moment it opened he tried to bolt in but she cleverly was able to block him from doing so. Forced to wait for her, he ran in after---
"REEEOOOOWWW!!!"
Damn the door. Damn it all! Damn it all to Hell!
He fell into the inn room less than gracefully, looking quite sour. His hat had fallen off and his side hurt, as the door was heavy and he was not.

"Ah, see there's this dear thing that rats never seem to learn these days. It's called courtesy, you brainless imp," he hissed, throwing his silver tail into the air in a hissy fit. Snorting, he turned and picked up his hat slightly, then expertly slid underneath of it until it was positioned atop his head once more, then pushed it down with a spare paw.

[Ardys]

Revenge was ever so sweet. Ardys allowed herself a cat-like grin, positively leonine in nature. Alright, maybe it was a little immature to let the door hit Cat in the face, but the little hairball was irritating. Rationally, Ardys supposed that it was a possibility that she herself could have a tiny little bit of an adverse effect on people, but really, that was ridiculous. Kitty, on the other hand... it was like he'd been born insulting.

He'd been asking to get hit in the face with a door.

"Classy, kozhitchka." She grinned at him before walking over to the window and opening the shutters, latching them back to let in the night air. There was some noise in the streets but not an undue amount, and it was peaceful enough. She figured he'd probably be driven crazy by what she had called him--he seemed the type, anyway--and for once she was grateful for her time spent in Zhaltev, abnormal as it might have been.

There'd been no place for a rat there, not really. Sure, it was a city of shifters, but the big fierce types made it a hell of a lot better than small, weak and helpless ones. Of course, Ardys was not helpless but she didn't like to let on about that if she didn't have to. She'd been grateful for the language, at the very least. It was a great one for insulting people in, and it had the most adorable nicknames.

Sighing, she pulled off her boots and then pulled the drawstring on a tiny leather purse. Out of its seemingly minuscule depths she pulled a hairbrush, then proceeded to strip off her clothes and shove them into the purse. Ardys had always been confident of her body. She wasn't thin but she was well muscled and curvy, with long legs and light golden skin. She pulled on a short, undyed tunic made of silk to sleep in after shaking out her hair and brushing it, and then looked around at Cat. "Poor baby. Did th'nasty door hurt ye?" Abruptly changing the subject, she asked, "What's th'hat fer, anyway?"

[Cat]

Kozhitchka? What on earth was that supposed to mean?
Of course, Cat had never spent much time in Zhaltev (and in fact had never been there for fairly obvious reasons), nor had he ever attempted to learn a language other than the one he used to cast spells. "You must realize that I have no idea as to what that means, but it would be my educated guess that it's not something I would like," he muttered accusingly. He was frowning at her openly but he knew damn well he wouldn't be able to convince her to tell him. And if she did, well he had a strong feeling he would get the uncontrollable urge to scratch her.

Cat found his way to the small, probably reasonably uncomfortable bed, and jumped onto it. He then sat directly in the center and began to meticulously groom his front paws, his neck, and eventually reached that ever so unclassy crotch region that cats always do. On leg was bent back while he licked at his belly, and that just happened to be the point when he realized-

Her clothes are gone.
Oh, well, that was interesting. And rather undignified. Hm.

Of course then she put oh other clothes, if you could really call them that, and shook out her stupidly silky, gorgeous ebony hair while cat had froze in his awkward position, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.
And then the baby talk. Damn her.

Cat cleared his throat with a, "Hahrmheckhm. I'm f--III...fine." It had been a while since his voice had broken. He tried desperately to disregard the annoying fact that he hadn't seen an even partially-naked woman for over a month (which was a long time considering that he was a cat and often snuck into areas where naked women were everywhere) and fixed his seating arrangement. He laid on the bed like a sphinx.

"The hat, is of course, a prestigious gift handed down to me by a wonderful, ehm, a wonderful royal by the name of Melchor Yenkins the Third. I wear it with pride, to remind others that I'm--" better than them "--no...ordinary cat, see?" Oh, how he loved to lie.

[Ardys]

Ardys grinned lazily as she took in his momentarily shocked look. "Koshka, ye're positively adorable, ye know that? When was th' last time ye got some? An' how is it as a cat, anyway?" Ardys loved talking about sex. A certain lack of negotiable morality (actually, scrap that, any morality when it came to nearly everything) made speaking to her either easy or awkward, and usually a strange blend of the two.

Nudging him out of the way slightly, she slid into bed and stretched, almost cat-like herself. She blew out her candle, eyes adjusting to the dark quickly. She figured his would as well--weren't cats supposed to have excellent night vision? Ardys turned slightly to look at him, eyes losing the last traces of reflected light just like a rat's. Or any animal's eyes.

It was strange, she supposed, a rat falling in with a cat. Most people weren't comfortable with either her actions or her abilities, and while she didn't go out of her way to proclaim them, she didn't try and hide it as much as she should have. A short temper tended to not be condusive to a long life, but this fact had the irritating tendency to escape Ardys's notice.

"Malcher Yankongs? I ain't ever heard of 'im. Where's he rule?" Her pronounciation of the name was butchered intentionally. Ardys's thoughts on foriegn nobles and royals went that if she didn't know them, they weren't important enough for her to get their names right.

[Cat]

No, no no no.
He was not supposed to be "adorable", and he was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to be a "koshka" either, although that one was probably debatable since, you know, he didn't understand it. Her sexual bantering made him fairly uncomfortable, as he had always tried to be a gentleman despite his love for the attentions of women. He had lost some of his modesty after his transformation, but nonetheless he frowned when she asked him "what it was like" as a cat. Despite his new-found love for rodents, birds, and fish, he thankfully didn't find other felines attractive. This was a blessing. He might've been cursed but at least he wasn't a cat rapist.

As Ardys moved him unceremoniously out of her way, he simply got up from his spot and went to the edge of the bed, as far as he could go without falling off. This would make a good pouting spot. He laid down again and slumped his head onto his grey paws. Bah. Curse her and her stupid questions.

The room went dark; Cat's eyes adjusted accordingly, his pupils dilating until his vision was clear enough to see any movement in the room. If there were mice creeping around in here, he'd eat them tonight.

It became obvious that Ardys hadn't believed a word of his story, but being a stubborn cat meant he wasn't going to give in. Melchor Yenkins III could have existed, maybe. "In the West there is a small city known locally as Jurdom, and though not a true royal, Melchor was treated as one by the people. I stayed with him for a brief period, and he had this hat made for me to symbolize my courage and wisdom," he explained evenly. The lie came so easily that even a skeptic like him might've believed it. Maybe.

And knowing that she still probably wouldn't buy it, Cat moved his eyes mischievously from one side to the other, then without moving, muttered, "Fiat Lux," under his breath.

The candle lit again.

[Ardys]

Cat had no idea, of course, that as he was pouting, she wanted to pick him up and snuggle him. It was strange, because she'd never felt that way about a cat before, but he was just so damn cute. All huffy and sulky... like she'd insulted him by dislodging his fuzzy rump from her side of the bed. Not that the furball actually got a side of the bed, of course. He didn't have a human body, and so was not entitled to a human-sized part of the mattress.

She listened to his explanation solemnly, not letting a trace of either her desire to cuddle him or her want to giggle show on her face. "That must be why I, as a world-traveler never staying in one place longer than a few months since I was very young, so call it almost forty years, have never heard of it." As much as she wanted to press the conversation and verbally abu... spar with him, she let it drop. He was already sulky--she'd let him think that he'd won this one.

Courage and wisdom. Riiiiiight.

The candle flicked back to life and Ardys closed her eyes quickly, stifling a small yip of surprise. Magic? Well, a talking cat was certain to have a few tricks up his... paws. She figured, although she had little way of knowing, that it must have come from him because she could smell the magic, feel it, on the air and he was probably trying to prove something. Silly kitten. Taking a quick breath, she blew out the candle in a slight puff of air.

[Cat]

Hah! She believed him that time, he knew it. Despite her lacing of sarcasm he figured she trusted him that he really had met and stayed with this Melchor Yenkins III or whatever and had gotten this hat from him, instead of what had really happened. The true story of the haberdasher he'd spent some time with was a good story, but it was too fluffy and unmanly for his taste and was why he had never repeated it to anyone. Not that, before now, he had had too many people to tell it to.

Cat was used to not speaking, used to acting like a semi-normal cat even though he wore his special hat everywhere. Everywhere, except to bed. That was why as he curled himself deeper into a ball of warm fuzz, he used his wrist to lift the hat from his head and move it beside him. Hopefully Ardys wouldn't screw around with it while he was asleep but, you know. She was an untrustworthy rat so he wouldn't be surprised.

"Fiat lux," he whispered again, grinning stupidly to himself as he attempted to play this mind game with her. He was unaware that she could sense the magic's origin, or that she knew it was magic at all. He did this twice more before he grew tired of the game and fell asleep in a traditional, feline ball of silver fur.

[Ardys]

Oh, so he wanted to play that game, did he? That silly cat should have known better than to leave something he thought was valuable where Ardys could reach it. She felt her lips curve into a wry grin and shifted slightly under her blankets, edging a foot over to where his hat was. She lifted it slowly onto her foot, then flicked her foot sharply and sent the hat flying off the bed. Irritating other was something inherent in her, like the pissing-people off gene was something common in rat shifters. Actually, Ardys would be one of the first to admit that that was so, and that she was rather proud of how strongly it ran in her family.

That damn candle had somehow flickered back to life while she'd been preoccupied with his hat, and she extinguished it in a quick puff of air... again. Realizing an even better way to annoy his, she swung her legs around and stood up, short tunic clinging and leaving little to the imagination. She picked up the candle and took it over to the small table beneath the window in her rented room where some kind person had left a pitcher of water. Setting the candle down inside the pitcher, she wiped her hand off on the side of her nightshirt.

Ardys slid back under her blankets, unable to keep her smirk off her face. He was just so much... fun. She'd feel guilty about it later. Maybe.

[Cat]

When Cat awoke the next morning, there were three strange things that he realized almost right away.

The first was that his hat had somehow migrated from the bed to the other side of the room, and was sitting on the floor collecting dust like some meaningless trinket. Damned rats.

The second thing he noticed was that the candle was not only out, but was sitting inside of a pitcher. The hilarity in this might have made Cat burst into loud, obnoxious laughter if not for the third thing he realized, immediately after.

He was lying, curled in a ball, perched upon Ardys's hip comfortably as she slept on her side. Immediately discovering where he was, he sprang from his resting position and dove off the side of the mattress, landing with a small thump of his silver paws. How the hell did he manage to sleep on top of her without even realizing he had shifted positions? She must've done something... Yes, that was it. Maybe she had magic powers to levitate him or something. It certainly wasn't out of the question, as he had a similar power. Anyway, hopefully he had moved without waking her, and hopefully she hadn't noticed. He'd never hear the end of it.

---

With no other attachments that bound him, and the sense of hopelessness for his situation that had dawned on him, it was easy to see why Cat had decided to stick with Ardys for a while. A week later found them wandering around town, often during the night time hours when both of them seemed to operate better. It was only within the last few days that they had realized what a perfect pair they made for thieving, though Cat had little interest in treasure.

They hadn't actually attempted a plan of any kind, bad had briefly talked about one after a bit of protesting from Cat. Eventually he'd been convinced that as a cat, he really didn't have a need for boring-ass morals anymore, therefore stealing was perfectly okay.

That night, they had both become bored of the "nightlife" and had scouted out a potential hit: a large home, not quite a mansion but nearly that, which had a garden decorated with a menagerie of animals created from some stupid type of shrub that stunk of toxic chemicals. Of course, anyone idiotic enough to decorate with such nonsense would keep their valuables in a stupid, easily-accessible place, so it was a prime target.

Why did he agree to this? Oh right. To kill boredom, and to potentially pay for a magician to return him to his original form (except of course he had given up hope for such things...).

They moved in silence (save for the tiny pittering of rat feet) through the smelly garden, passing a lion and it's elephant companion. The house was two stories tall, made of large stone and wood. Despite the ridiculous nature of the garden, the grounds were quite small. It was a stupid set up, that much was obvious. Cat let his voice fall to a whisper.
"See if you can find an open window, or somewhere for you to squeeze your skinny arse under and let me in," he said, his high-standard accent still thick and contrasting heavily with his wording. Only around a rat for a week and he was already talking like an imbecile. Damn her.