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Jerek Helamore


Jerek Helamore

Post by Jerek Helamore on

Name: Jerek Helamore
Age: 24
Race: Human

Description:
Jerek is a thin, frail human with quite pale skin, only recently having a slight tanning to it. His eyes are bloodshot and have bags under them from little sleep, and his hands are bone thin. He does, however, mask it all with a warm, inviting smile. He has short cut brown hair, which, even though it is neatly cut, is usually not groomed. He wears a simple, long, flowing dark blue robe, which has a massive hood that he obscures himself under when he needs to do shady magical things near untrustworthy eyes. He wears small, easy-fitting leather shoes that he can slip on, which are usually obscured by the robe, which is definitely a few sizes too large. He is covered with a little dirt and grime, but usually stays fairly clean.

Possessions:
-A small living space on the fringes of Marn, with minimalist furnishings and a low-class lifestyle in mind.
-A relatively decent income of money, as he is stringent and saves up the small fees he charges those he heals.

Powers or Strengths:
In terms of powers, Jerek wields magic which he rationalizes through his emotions which is split into four branches. His destructive side is the part of his magic that only results from anger, rage, or hatred. This magical form involves more destructive abilities, such as conjuring fire (Currently the only ability he has in his Destructive Arsenal). His redemption side embodies his pacifism, generosity, and scholar-like tendencies. This magical form allows him to perform magic that heals others (Currently he can only cure mild illnesses and mend bruises or cuts.) His trust side embodies his confidence and trust in the arcane, allowing him to naturally improve the world. Examples of this include a green thumb or a high infant deliverance success rate. His mistrust side embodies his mistrust of magic and fear of it or its use, completely shutting off his magical abilities.

His other major advantage is his intelligence. Jerek is cunning, witty, and strategic, and takes great pride in this. He can usually think of brilliant strategies or clever comebacks, and does so often. He has tenacity and confidence, which play into his intelligence and the plans he makes. However, the most often noted positive trait of Jerek is his calmness and kindness. He is always generous and kind to the poor and weak he surrounds himself with, and loves those who appreciate his gifts, and in turn appreciates theirs.

Weaknesses and Flaws:

Although Jerek may be bright and have magic, he has far too many weaknesses that feed into each other.

On the physical side of things, Jerek is very frail, lacking any muscle, or fat. He often starves himself as he constantly pushes to study, practice, theorize and learn, a side effect of his confidence and tenacity. He also lacks speed, being much slower than the average human. In fact, one could easily see his frailty, especially since he makes no effort to disguise himself or appear well-rested. Also, his magic is not as great as some think it is, as he can only use each aspect of his magic one at a time, and must greatly feel the emotion towards his target. For example, if he wanted to attack someone with his destructive side, he would genuinely have to hate that specific person. Thus, he can't multitask with his magic, leaving it to very niche and slow uses. Also, magic users who have mastered one type of magic negate his ability to use any magic except his redemption side through their mere presence nearby.

His kindness can also be a weakness, as he often forgets that magic is highly illegal in order to heal and aid others. In fact, he can be overall presumptuous, often stepping above the boundaries of what is allowed. He is generally a pacifist, refusing to engage in fights unless others are in danger or he faces severe danger. He also needs plans for any major actions, refusing to think on a whim or rush into something. When his strategies do not work, he gets sort of childish, pouting and throwing a miniature tantrum.

He also lacks heavy political knowledge, often ignoring political mandates that don't directly hit at him or those he likes/loves. In fact, he has generalized the laws of Marn to all Marn's guards, and hates them all for banning magic and weakening society. Oh, and did I mention that he wants to burn the genitalia of all orcs so they can no longer give birth to another generation of pure idiocy? And Orcish Guards; well, let's just say that his preferred dealings with them will result in tortures far more painful than those Marn's government could administer. And other species less intelligent (yet still somehow sentient) also have this bias applied.

Most importantly, however, is his inner dark side. He is a cruel and violent person, yet hides it from those who know him. He can hide it quite well, often only showing his good side. However, when we don't acknowledge our demons, they grow stronger. And Jerek's demons feast on his fear of showing his dark side like a man after living in the desert for a year. He hides his duality, but if it were to come out, he would certainly lose the few friends he has.

History:

Jerek was born in Corezo to two loving parents: Marnine Helamore and Vagabin Helamore. Marnine worked at a nearby institute for learning as both an educator and scholar. She often accompanied Jerek to the institute's library, where they would both spend hours reading through novels. Marnine quickly realized Jerek's intelligence, and pressured him in a playful way to take on larger and more scholarly novels. He especially enjoyed philosophy and theatre books, but certainly had no complaints about the sciences and other such published works. Vagabin was a politician, yielding a decent income, and always arguing for magic, although Jerek was never told much about his father's platform or reason for the defense.

When Jerek was old enough, he was entered into the institute, where he excelled learning-wise but failed friend-wise. He did not mind, since he found friends in the scholars that worked with his mother and formed close bonds with them. Eventually, once Jerek began studying the history of magic (Which he really delved into at 14), Marnine explained to him that both he and his mother could utilize magic. She explained to him her own system for grasping it: his emotions. These emotions perfectly explained magic to him, and both he, his mother, and other magical scholars now began studying magic together. Since he also had to maintain his reputation in regular schooling, he rarely had time to practice. For the next 6 years, Jerek studied intensely in magic and in schooling, desiring to leave a mark on the institute during his time there. However, he had no idea what he would do after that.

Eventually, he graduated, much to the congratulations of his parents, who decided to forbid him from looking for work until he could decide on a purpose he was devoted to. So, he remained with them, studying many different kinds of books to see if anything really sparked him. One day, on a trip to the library, he was wandering down a shady part of town when a young orc attacked him, perhaps attempting to rob Jerek. Jerek already had many problems with orcs, and his destructive side hit a high point for him. Although severely injured from the crude blade the orc used, Jerek was able to burn the orc alive, painfully and slowly. The pain was so great that the orc was immobile during the attack. Jerek just had to watch, and keep his anger in check so as not to raise the intensity to instantly fatal levels. Although his enemy was vanquished, Jerek lay immobile, bleeding out to death. He closed his eyes, hoping maybe his magic could protect him.

Once he opened them again, he found himself in the bed of a strange home. In it, an old man was using healing magic to tend to the wounds of many poor who were injured. He explained to Jerek that he had found Jerek on his way home, and saved his life with magic. When Jerek attempted to pay the man, the man asked for just enough to live on, which was almost no money out of Jerek's money pouch. Greatly inspired, Jerek asked the man how to become just like him, and showed the man his own healing magic. The man told Jerek the following: "You must love them without reason. You must only hate those who hate without reason. If you wish to atone, head to a place that needs you more than this one. Head to Marn."

Jerek simply nodded, went home on recovery, told his parents what happened, and was relieved to hear their consent in his plan. He immediately began studying up on Marn, and Thar Shaddin, and to his dismay, found that there were laws outlawing magic. However, he realized that this would be part of the challenge. Upon entry to Marn, he did all proper procedures, even showcasing his magic to the Justice Hall, although he was unable to really trigger his destructive side, only getting a spark or two since he lacked much reason to hate anyone in the room. He bought himself a simple living space near the outskirts and slums, and continues to heal and share his experiences with others, even trying to get into contact with the hospital and university. He regrets the murders of his past, and works towards a future of wisdom and redemption.
Last edited by Jerek Helamore on Mon Feb 13, 2017 5:17 am, edited 3 times in total.

Re: Jerek Helamore

Post by Katona on

Hi, Jerek! Welcome to Thar Shaddin and thank you for the application. There are a few things I'd like to see further explained or adjusted.

I'll begin by saying that the length of the app is good, and I can see you've put some thought into your character. I appreciate that the character is a registered mage and that his introduction to the city was relatively realistic. You have some good ideas to start from, but I just feel like maybe you haven't thought through some of the more important aspects, which I'll explain here.

He wears a simple, long, flowing dark blue robe, which has a massive hood that he obscures himself under when he needs to do shady magical things near untrustworthy eyes.

How exactly does the hood prevent people from knowing he's using magic?

In terms of powers, Jerek wields magic which he rationalizes through his "mitama," which is split into four branches.

Why do you use the term "mitama"? Does the term/concept have any relevance to your character's magic? I would recommend getting rid of all the references to mitama (since that doesn't really exist within the setting) and just describing it directly in terms of the cultures that Jerek has been influenced by.

Also, his magic is not as great as some think it is, as he can only use each aspect of his mitama one at a time, and must greatly feel the emotion towards his target. For example, if he wanted to attack someone with his Ara-Mitama, he would genuinely have to hate that specific person. Thus, he can't multitask with his magic, leaving it to very niche and slow uses.

This doesn't seem like much of a weakness. I also don't really see the point of the fire magic when he would likely never use it. At least, I would assume he wouldn't, since he is so calm and kind to everyone. Either way, most people with multiple magic abilities would only use one at a time. Multitasking powers is pretty uncommon.

So, in that case, I'd like to see another weakness related to the powers.

Oh, and did I mention that he wants to burn the genitalia of all orcs so they can no longer give birth to another generation of pure idiocy? And Orcish Guards; well, let's just say that his preferred dealings with them will result in tortures far more painful than those Marn's government could administer.

I really don't understand this part. This is actually the part I'm most concerned about overall.

You claim he's a nice guy, yet he's extremely intolerant to this one species, to the point of wishing for extreme genocide? It's worth noting that there are likely very few, if any, orcs residing in Marn. If he's against stupidity, why is he not against trolls? They are much less intelligent than orcs (in this setting), as far as I know. Also, what about unintelligent humans/elves/dwarves/etc.? Does he wish to destroy them all as well?

It's perfectly acceptable to give your character prejudices, but be wary about how you express it. If he wants to harm people just because he doesn't like them, I wouldn't call that kind or calm at all. That seems aggressive, cruel, and biased to me. That kind of bias perfectly acceptable and realistic as a character trait in itself, but I want to make it clear that this is certainly not a "good vs evil" scenario (i.e. humans being good and orcs being evil), and your character is not exempt from being labelled cruel or violent just because of his other attributes.

He is educated, yes, but he is also smug and presumptuous; I feel like you're exaggerating his "good" traits, and all but ignoring his negative traits, which doesn't work for me. It causes a lot of conflict in how the character is expressed. For example, I don't think it makes sense for him to be so cruel and childish, while also supposedly being loving, calm and intelligent. There is just a significant disconnect here and I'd like to see a little more thought put into resolving it. Whichever way you want to go with it is fine, as long as it's consistent. I hope that makes sense. If it doesn't, we can discuss it further.

Now, most of his history is fine, but I'd like to see a few things clarified.

Jerek already had many problems with orcs

Can you perhaps include some examples or something more in his history to elaborate on this?

Although severely injured from the crude blade the orc used, Jerek was able to burn the orc alive, painfully and slowly.

This is a pretty extreme scenario for someone to be put in, but you seem to gloss over it. I'd really like to see more explanation about it. Does Jerek regret killing? How does it impact him? What is his moral stance on death? Does he justify it to himself?

Finally, how did he attain enough savings to buy himself a home?

Some other things to consider: Has he been in contact with the university and/or hospital? Has he been interested in working with/for them? What kind of people does he seek to heal? Many of the citizens of Marn are scared of magic, and may not appreciate an offer of magic healing. Marn also provides free healthcare to all people, so charging a fee for a service most people don't want probably isn't going to be especially profitable. Even if you saved someone's life with magic, they may not necessarily be grateful.

Has he made any friends or formed any relationships at all yet? How does he feel about the religion of Marn? How does he feel about the cultural shift he's having to adjust to? Does he miss his old life?

Once you're ready to have me look over your application again, just reply to this thread to let me know. If you have any questions or concerns, you can PM me or another mod, ask someone in the chat room, or reply to this thread.

Re: Jerek Helamore

Post by Jerek Helamore on

Hey there! just letting you know that I made the changes to the magic system and put his perspective on the murder of the orc.

-I'll work on the personality when my schedule frees up more, but I just wanted to say that part of this lack of cohesion is desired by me. I wanted him to have a massive duality, which I refrained from directly stating, but I can see that he seems a much less believable on second viewing. My main reason for using the mitama was just because I wanted to see if any rp partners would get intrigued by the word and go on a mini research mission, learning more about an often forgotten religion. However, I swapped that for emotions, which still keeps his theme of duality.

-And about the orc prejudice, well, I just hate white-knighting. Unless I'm making a Jedi Padawan or something, I always throw a few biases on my characters. Anytime I see someone roleplay characters without biases in a medieval fantasy world my blood boils. I'll make sure to work on honing that bias. I totally forgot that there were dumber species than orcs that were still considered sentient. Once I get to fixing those biases, I will put them under the bias also.

-And the hood is just to hide his face, so people can't identify him after he commits the magical crime.

Re: Jerek Helamore

Post by Katona on

Sorry for the late reply! February has been an excessively busy month for me and other mods.

Thank you for the reply and the changes you've made so far. Let me know when you've made the rest of the changes and I'll review the app again.

One more thing, that I didn't mention last time. You'll need to be more specific about what "conjuring fire" means. Just explain the limitations on it. For example, is it like a candle flame, or a giant inferno? Can he cast a fireball? Can it be projected, or is it static/unmoving? Can he create it remotely (i.e. from a distance), or is it limited to his body? How often can he use it? In what radius?

As you can see, "conjuring fire" can mean a lot of things depending on the limitations, which is why we ask people to include some.

I look forward to seeing the changes.

Re: Jerek Helamore

Post by MobBattler556 on

Well, shit. I just made my appliccation and saw this, and, i need to step up my game.




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