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Sheshia


Sheshia

Post by Sheshia on

Name: Sheshia
Age: 20
Race: Werefox

Description: As a human she is 5.4 ft tall and pretty slim. She has black hair and blue eyes. In fox form she is a silver fox with blue eyes, white paws and tail tips. Her personality is mostly happy go lucky but like everyone else she gets down in the dumps. When she is on a job for assassinating of stealing she is as cold as stone.

Possessions: Her mother's necklace made of opal and amethyst is her most prized possession. She also has her fathers daggers and a light sword too.

Powers or Strengths: She has the ability to control her own fire, from it's temperature and how it acts. She is also good at close hand combat.

Weaknesses and Flaws: Sheshia hates water and she is can be easily mind controlled if someone knows her very well. She also isn't the best at long range combat but she can hold on for a amount of time.

History: Her parents died in the war when Sheshia was around 16 years old. They left her with their house and what she values the most. Eventually she leaves her home and meets her mentor who teaches her fire magic and allowed her to stay at his house as a sort of adoptive father. Sheshia excelled at the use of fire and taught herself close hand combat during her free time. A few years her mentor left with her on a bit of a adventure around the world in which they get separated during a snow storm while travelling across the mountains. Sheshia did as her mentor told her incase they got separated and continued on without him. She eventually settles down in Marin waiting for any sign of her mentor, yet while hiding her magical abilities. She makes a living off of stealing and killing targets when hires but mostly by hunting for food outside the city and helping the city guards when she can or trading what she finds outside the city with others.

Re: Sheshia

Post by Kitan on

Hello Sheshia! Welcome to Thar Shaddin.

I am going need to see more information on this application before it can be approved. I get what you are going for: a trickster kitsune type of character.

Currently, your strengths, weaknesses and history are all unfortunately threadbare. As far as strengths, I’ll need to know more about her control over fire and fighting ability. Straight-up fireballs are far on the upper tier of magical power in this setting, so please try to limit yourself to something reasonable. Answer questions such as: How hot can she make her fire? How far can she throw it? How much control does she have over it after she casts it?

Her fighting skill also needs a great deal of elaboration. How talented is she and close combat? What weaponry is she trained to use? How many people can she be expected to take on at once in battle? Keep in mind that facing multiple opponents at once is extremely difficult. Thar Shaddin’s setting is not conductive to assuming your character to be more powerful than NPCs. We’re very slice-of-life fantasy, for the most part.

Her weaknesses also need elaboration. To what lengths will she go to avoid water? What constitutes knowing her well, and how is mind control expanded upon when that qualifier is met?

Not being amazing at ranged combat is not a weakness. Being able to “hold her own” is a strength.

Her history mentions a war, but does not make any specification about what war that might be. There is very little open warfare in this setting. The two empires have occasional skirmishes through mercenary proxies, but even that is fairly rare and mostly for show. Her mentor is glanced over, and given no personality; he exists purely to give her additional combat skill, as far as I can tell.

If you are aiming for Marn as your character’s area of operation, there are no wars which might meet her description. Finding somebody willing to train a kitsune how to kill would be similarly impossible.

I’m not sure how to interpret Sheshia, to be honest. As written, it seems as if the interpretation a reader is supposed to get is that Sheshia is a happy, likeable, social person. On the other hand, she makes a living off of murderous banditry, and somehow has the connections to get paid for assassination work. I’m afraid this kind of lifestyle is highly unlikely, especially in Marn where outright violence tends to get swiftly traced back to its instigator (as Marn is a city state in an isolated area, nobody can run to a neighboring city or muddy the money trail).

We have a character very similar to yours I think you might enjoy taking a look at. Note how much detail is put into her various abilities and weaknesses, as well as the areas where it is explained how she gets away with her killings (by preying on foreign traders on the road away from the city, whom nobody will know or miss):

viewtopic.php?t=2441

While that level of detail will not be required, it would benefit your future threads greatly if you consider your character’s personality, aspirations, and character flaws.

Unless you are truly set on this Sheshia, you may want to consider a simpler character for your first application. Though of course it can be done, a magically powerful, murderous kitsune is a difficult creature to gracefully fit into the setting. When you've gotten a better sense of posting and the setting, I think you'd find it much easier to rework Sheshia to make sense. In the meantime, whatever you decide I would recommend looking at other approved applications to get a better idea of the amount of detail we ask of applicants. Thank you for your patience, and please post in this thread below when you're ready for the application to be looked at once again. Welcome again, and we look forward to writing with you!
The Dreaded App Assassin

Re: Sheshia

Post by Sheshia on

Kitan wrote:Hello Sheshia! Welcome to Thar Shaddin.

I am going need to see more information on this application before it can be approved. I get what you are going for: a trickster kitsune type of character.

Currently, your strengths, weaknesses and history are all unfortunately threadbare. As far as strengths, I’ll need to know more about her control over fire and fighting ability. Straight-up fireballs are far on the upper tier of magical power in this setting, so please try to limit yourself to something reasonable. Answer questions such as: How hot can she make her fire? How far can she throw it? How much control does she have over it after she casts it?

Her fighting skill also needs a great deal of elaboration. How talented is she and close combat? What weaponry is she trained to use? How many people can she be expected to take on at once in battle? Keep in mind that facing multiple opponents at once is extremely difficult. Thar Shaddin’s setting is not conductive to assuming your character to be more powerful than NPCs. We’re very slice-of-life fantasy, for the most part.

Her weaknesses also need elaboration. To what lengths will she go to avoid water? What constitutes knowing her well, and how is mind control expanded upon when that qualifier is met?

Not being amazing at ranged combat is not a weakness. Being able to “hold her own” is a strength.

Her history mentions a war, but does not make any specification about what war that might be. There is very little open warfare in this setting. The two empires have occasional skirmishes through mercenary proxies, but even that is fairly rare and mostly for show. Her mentor is glanced over, and given no personality; he exists purely to give her additional combat skill, as far as I can tell.

If you are aiming for Marn as your character’s area of operation, there are no wars which might meet her description. Finding somebody willing to train a kitsune how to kill would be similarly impossible.

I’m not sure how to interpret Sheshia, to be honest. As written, it seems as if the interpretation a reader is supposed to get is that Sheshia is a happy, likeable, social person. On the other hand, she makes a living off of murderous banditry, and somehow has the connections to get paid for assassination work. I’m afraid this kind of lifestyle is highly unlikely, especially in Marn where outright violence tends to get swiftly traced back to its instigator (as Marn is a city state in an isolated area, nobody can run to a neighboring city or muddy the money trail).

We have a character very similar to yours I think you might enjoy taking a look at. Note how much detail is put into her various abilities and weaknesses, as well as the areas where it is explained how she gets away with her killings (by preying on foreign traders on the road away from the city, whom nobody will know or miss):

viewtopic.php?t=2441

While that level of detail will not be required, it would benefit your future threads greatly if you consider your character’s personality, aspirations, and character flaws.

Unless you are truly set on this Sheshia, you may want to consider a simpler character for your first application. Though of course it can be done, a magically powerful, murderous kitsune is a difficult creature to gracefully fit into the setting. When you've gotten a better sense of posting and the setting, I think you'd find it much easier to rework Sheshia to make sense. In the meantime, whatever you decide I would recommend looking at other approved applications to get a better idea of the amount of detail we ask of applicants. Thank you for your patience, and please post in this thread below when you're ready for the application to be looked at once again. Welcome again, and we look forward to writing with you!

Sorry it took so long to get back, life sort of got in the way for a while. And I'll start working on it ^^

Re: Sheshia

Post by Katona on

Are you still working on this character?




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