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Brys Stalna


Brys Stalna

Post by Brys on

Name: Brys Stalna
Age: 23
Race: Human
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 120 lbs


Physical Description: Being short-statured and thin-framed, Brys is not very intimidating looking. He has short cropped dark brown hair, big and bright hazel eyes that gleam with desires and secrets untold, and a suave, charming smile that strangely meshes well with his chiseled jaw, high cheek bones, and military-like bearing. He fancies himself in a white cloth shirt with a black leather vest, black leather slacks, and a black cloth overcoat. He is cheery, to say the least, and loves to get to know people. Their ins and outs, what makes them tick, and will not hesitate to start up a conversation... If you can catch him outside of his home that is. He has a very determined mind and a strong strong focus on his dreams and ambitions and refuses to let anyone, or anything, get in the way of them. Brys doesn't own much, he lives at home with his parents and siblings, in the basement he and his father dug out underneath the barn when Brys complained about living on the upper floor. Most of his time is spent at his home, in the basement, with the door locked and unbothered. Brys and his family are middle class, so to speak, in that they live withing their means. They are a farming family living in Shim, with Daron always going to and from Marn to sell and buy what they can. His four brothers, all physically different from Brys, help with the three cows and multitude of pigs and chickens they own; while his three sisters help their mother, Dolores, with the gardening.


Possessions: His prized possession is the short sword his father, Daron the farmer and amateur blacksmith, made him for his 16th birthday on the forge he built near the barn, and it is carried on his person at all times when he is not home. Anything and everything else of importance to him, such as his journals and his one solitary set of fanciful clothing is kept in the trunk in his basement room.


Powers or Strengths:

Magic: Having just started focusing on his latent ability, Brys has very few spells at his disposal-- Shocking grasp, making his touch jolt with electricity. Charm, making it seem to others that he always knows what to say and when to say it. And Haste, making time go just slightly faster so he can speed through an unpleasant situation or speed his recovery process.

Proficiencies: Short Sword, having been practicing for the past six years, not a master but could definitely hurt someone if he needed too. Brys is also proficient at the art of bluffing, always able to seem as though he's doing something else than what he's really doing. (Eg: when playing poker, Brys can talk his opponents heads off so well they don't notice him pull the ace from his sleeve.)

Strong Willed: Brys has kept his magic a secret for as long as he can remember, and knows that he will never break and never tell anyone. He is as strong willed as they come and is a great secret keeper.


Weaknesses:

Physical Inability: Having such a small build, which prevented him from helping around the farm as a boy, means that although he knows what he's doing with a sword, he could only give 3-5 good swings with it before he is physically exhausted. He cannot sustain any tedious physical task for a great period of time.

Illness/Injury Prone: Brys' frail self leaves him prone to illnesses and he sustains injuries from minor things such as tripping. (Eg: he once broke his ankle when he stubbed his toe on the door frame. It can get that serious sometimes.)

Secrets: Brys has is so terrified of what would happen to him if anyone caught wind of his magic practice in his basement, that he is constantly paranoid to the point he hardly leaves his room.


History: Brys was born the youngest of eight children, in the same barn that the rest of his siblings were. At birth, he was weakly and frail, with underdeveloped arms and legs. His father didn't think he'd last a year.

Shortly after his sixth birthday, while his parents were fighting, Brys was witness to his parents arguing. It was all he could do to make it stop so he say there wishing it would pass. To his surprise, the fight seemed over rather quick. He tried again whenever his parents were fighting or whenever he grew ill, wished it would past, and it all ended rather quickly. Nothing came of his wishing besides the passage of time, and he used it at every chance he could for the next 9 years.

Shortly after his 15th birthday, when Brys decided it was time to reach out and find what he was truly capable of, he asked his parents if he could have a new room dug out from under the barn. His parents, always catering to him because of his frailties, obliged and this began the tedious process. Brys helped when he can, his father not demanding of it, but grew insatiably weary after just a few hours work a day. After his brothers helped him move his belongings into his new room, Brys immediately went to work testing his will and ability. His first discovery was his shocking grasp, when after he had given up hope for the day he went to the main house for some food and accidentally shocked one of his sisters. Being brand new, the shock wasn't that strong and they both associated it to happenstance, but Brys knew better. He immediately left again back to the basement to start drawing on his new ability.

On his 16th birthday, his father presented him with a short sword he had been working on and told Brys that he better learn to use it because there was no way he'd be able to defend himself if the situation arose. Daron had no intentions if Brys ever using it, but felt it safe as a safety measure giving his son wouldn't be able to stand in a fist fight. Brys took to it immediately, practicing one hour a day which was all he could manage before he grew physically tired and then went to work with his mind. He practices to this day for an hour right before bed so his skill doesn't get forgotten.

A couple months before his 18th birthday, he decided to give a new power a try. He had been forming an ability to command others, hoping he could use it instead if the sword if he needed to, and decided it was time for a test run. His parent were fighting again, so he decided to intervene. He spoke softly, and with grace, and tried to charm both his mother and his father into stopping whatever pointless argument they were having. To his surprise, it worked, and both his parents simultaneously stopped arguing and seemed to see the 'errors of their ways' and made up to one another.

Upon his 21st birthday, he went to Marn. Having never been to Marn, yet knowing magic was outlawed, he wanted to see if he could speak in private to something that was known to be innately magical. At his arrival, a public execution was going on of someone who had been caught doing magic, and it terrified him to no end, but also gave him a drive. He left back for home immediately, with a renewed sense of purpose. Why was magic outlawed? He knew the reasoning behind it, but not the logic. Surely if there were forces out there capable of using it and wanted nothing more than to finish what the had started, wouldn't it make sense to use it against them instead? Fight fire with fire or so to speak? Brys thinks so, and has made it his goal to become a master of magic and show that it is a good thing in the right hands.

He is now 23 years old, and still hasn't developed anything new, but has honed his current arts to a near master level, able to bring them to use in a seconds thought.
Last edited by Brys on Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

Re: Brys Stalna

Post by Brys on

Edited for some typos I saw while looking at it again.

Not to sound pushy or demanding, I'm just really excited to look around and start posting so if I could please please pleeeaaassseee get this reviewed I would be extremely thankful.

Re: Brys Stalna

Post by Katona on

Before it gets reviewed, would you mind spacing it out into some paragraphs and separating the sections a bit? If it's easier to read, we'll read it and review it sooner. I'll review it later today, if I get time.

Re: Brys Stalna

Post by Brys on

Thank you!

Edited to make spacing for legibility.

Re: Brys Stalna

Post by Katona on

Welcome to Thar Shaddin, Brys!

There are a few little things I'd like to see changed before I approve this character.

Firstly, about his magic abilities:

I notice that you've used some spell names like "Shocking Grasp" in your description. You may just be using it descriptively, which is fine, but just in case you aren't aware, we don't generally have D&D-style "spells" in this setting. That aside, what I would like is for you to explain how these magic abilities work in more detail, especially hasta. Does time actually go faster, or does it just seem faster for him? What do other people experience when in contact with this ability? What are the limitations to all three abilities?

You've put some focus on personality development, and we love to see that. One thing that doesn't quite work, however, is his paranoia. The obvious concern is that your character will have a hard time finding a way to meet other characters if he's constantly hiding from the world. The other issue is that he also wants to show the world he's a magic user -- why would he do this if he's paranoid and doesn't want people to know?

I don't think the use of a sword is necessary. Most typical farm kids aren't going to have a sword carried around with them unless they have a practical use for it. In fact, that goes for most people.

I suggest that you also think about other personality strengths and weaknesses he might have, as a result of his situation. Although it's entirely up to you how your character turns out, here are some suggestions from what you have in your app:

You might want to include that he seems quite self-centered/spoiled, especially with asking his parents to build an entire new basement structure just so he didn't have to live in the house. He also strikes me as possibly being a dishonest character with his bluffing/lying, as well as hiding a lot from his family -- manipulative brat as a result of having to deal with all those siblings? These sorts of negative traits can make a character more interesting and everyone has them, so you should definitely consider expressing them when they make sense with a character's situation!

One last thing: I don't believe public executions happen very often in Marn. Perhaps you could change that to Brys hearing rumors of the terrible things that are done to magic-users in Justice Hall instead?

Let me know when you're ready to have me look at it again by replying to this thread. If you have any questions, you can contact me or another mod by PM or find us in chat.




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