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Post by damormon2345 on

Name: Azelain

Age: 67 human years

Race: Elven

Description: Tall with stereotypical elven features. He has spiky hair that is a rich brown colour. His eyes are green and he has a scar running down the right side of his face. He wears a tattered bandanna around his lower face, obscuring it from view most of the time. He also often wears an old pair of goggles similar to pilot goggles. He has a very slight build, and is also quite lean. He often wears a white tunic and a simple pair of pants. He also has a tattered brown cloak with a hood that he wears most of the time. His left arm is also missing, replaced by a metal facsimile that he controls through magic. The arm is fully functional and can bend slightly farther than a regular arm, although Azelain often tries not to show this to others. There are two main slots in his arm, one in the inside of his forearm, carrying a small, extendable parrying dagger, and one on the outside of his upper arm, containing several doses of his tonics and curatives in emergencies. His personality is eccentric, like a mad scientist. He is also very snarky and condescending, often dropping hints to people instead of explaining outright. He can be quite friendly, but also a little irritating and incessant. His goals in alchemy are to surpass current magic, either with it as a supplement to alchemy, or more favorably, without it. He sees magic as a necessity, but too based in faith in unscientific principles to be used. However he is not above working with magic users. He always seeks to help others in whatever capacity he can, which may lead to some standoffs. He often talks about gnomish technology and magic in his own jargon, mostly due to his lack of things to base a thesis on during his time studying clocks.

Possessions: His cloak and clothing, A small house in the city as a laboratory, parrying daggers, alchemy equipment, lab setup and base materials, two horses, Sheriff and Basil, and a small cart in which to carry around his stuff. A pair of dark gloves to cover his hands. A large stockpile of alchemy materials.

Powers or Strengths: Inquisitive and investigative mind, quite quick to learn and adapt, ability to make and use machinery, alchemy knowledge, basic herbalist knowledge, good skill at combat with his dagger, his metal arm feels no pain and is quite durable, and isn't very easy to disable, Quick reflexes.

Magic: fine energy and momentum control (while Azelain can't make mountains move or push someone, he can often emulate other magics through and redirecting energy, allowing him to control someone's strength and their momentum, stopping objects, or setting things on fire by rapidly increasing their heat. He can, however, move his arm with his power due to the minute mechanics involved.) With the discrete nature of his magic, he doesn't require much incantation or preparation to use. (A/N: I'm going to be explaining this in real world terms so it's easier to understand how his magic works.) He mostly uses his magic for domestic purposes, heating water, moving objects, keeping things in place.


Pyrogenesis: Rapidly increase the heat in an object nearby. If flammable, it will light on fire. Water and such, on the other hand, will only boil. Things like stone will simply heat up. He can really only use it to start small fires a few meters away.

Light Telekinetics: Azelain can move and change the velocity, momentum, and sometimes direction of small objects or things like sand and mud, allowing him to use it in a variety of ways, such as sand screens and distractions. This is also what allows him to move his metal arm. Small objects that aren't fixed to the ground are the only things he can really move.

Inertial Dampening: Azelain can redirect and stop flying objects by reducing their kinetic energy. He can really only do this to things that he knows is going to come at him, and only at about 50 meters away. Things that take him by surprise, like a jar suddenly falling, is very, very hard for him to manage.

Weaknesses and Flaws: While his magic is quick and discrete, it is very weak compared to an experienced magic user. His endurance and stamina isn't much to look at, and can tire quickly from long sustained activity. He can often anger other people, mostly on accident, and doesn't have a lot of tact sometimes. He also isn't very liked by other elves due to his penchant for experimentation and machinery. He also has a bad habit of not living up to his promises. He also tends be quite bull-headed in situations of morality, almost always trying to help someone, even if they might be out of his area of expertise.

History: Alchemy. The simple art of taking a set of base materials and turning them into something... extraordinary. That was the allure of the craft that led to Azelain, a young elf without much magical affinity, to venture away from his homeland of Darleone to Marn.

At a young age, Azelain was shunned by his parents, attacked by bullies, and ridiculed by almost everyone. Born with very little aptitude for magic, he always lagged behind in his schooling, whether it be the scorn of his tutors or the inability for him to cast the slightest spell. This didn't stop him. He would study and take notes whenever he could, sneaking out in the middle of the night to take books from the libraries and make notes and diagrams. He grew into a quick study and an adaptable learner, able to master advanced arithmetic and what little there was on natural science long before other youths. Unfortunately, no one would take him on to study magic. They thought of Azelain as an oddity, unable to use magic and yet wielding the same affinity for the astral plane as anyone else, able to understand math and the theory of magic like no one else but unable to produce anything of artistic merit or philosophical value. Azelain felt stunted where he resided, unable to find a true calling, an art he could pursue. He knew magic just wasn't for him.

Soon that all changed. Once in the city there was a show, a group of travelling dwarves and gnomes came by with spectacles and feats made possible without magic. Flowers as bright as the sun bloomed in the night sky, with a single strike thousands of tiny explosions ran across a line of chemical-laden sticks, and massive gears turned in their predefined paths, creating an intricate clockwork play using puppets and pyrotechnics. Azelain was dazzled. This was his calling, his art. Every fibre of his being wanted to respond to the beckoning call it sent to him, to be able to make such amazing feats of physical creation to rival that of the grandest of magics. He ran away with only a bag filled with his clothes, notebooks, and stationary. He chased down the travelling sideshow, determined to find out their secrets. They refused. On multiple occasions in fact. He was an elf, unable to understand how gnomish magic was supposed to work. Eventually they relented, but with a challenge. He would have to figure out how gnomish clock worked before he could be under their tutelage. It took Azelain years to figure it out. He spent his time with the sideshow, managing and cleaning equipment before and after the shows. He spent his nights studying the clock, tearing it apart and analyzing the magics in every cog, every garnished panel. He drafted and redrafted his thesis. When he found something that seemed to fall into place within the rules of his creation, something would inevitably come up as an exception. He even tried analyzing the clockwork of the massive stage play, hoping for a clue in the enormous construct. He eventually did it, and rebuilt the old brass clock to perform in the same way before he tore it apart.

In that time he found a kind of surrogate family, more welcoming and helpful than the austere, cloistered village that he came from. They had put him under their tutelage, teaching him how their fireworks worked and other neat tricks with alchemy, how to build and run simple gnomish machinery (the actual systems involved with creating constructs and mobile machines were simply too complicated for Azelian's limited magical aptitude.), and how to harness his magic into a power that he could use. He learned from the gnomes their theories on the world, how they saw the phenomena of the earth, and harnessed his mana to manage and redirect the forces involved. He also learned to shoot a crossbow and use a dagger, often for hunting.

In his darkest hour, Azelian was at one point cleaning and replacing the cogs for the next clockwork play when suddenly the gears started to move and he was trapped. By the time they pulled him out of the mechanism his left arm had been crushed, and there was now a deep scar on the right side of his face. He ventured to replace it with a new mechanism, a mechanical arm that he could control using the fine control that his magic gave him.

He eventually left, hoping to settle down and perfect the craft he learned. He left the sideshow at Marn, with a long cloak to hide his metal arm from those who might be a little too suspicious, especially the City Guard. With the Bishan he earned while living with a sideshow he bought a small house and materials to fabricate his equipment, and went to work in secret learning and discovering new combinations of materials. Hiding his art from the city guard who would probably mistake it for magic, he tries to live an unassuming life as an apothecary, another skill he learned while foraging for food and medicine for the sideshow along with a great deal of texts about plants and their uses, hoping to eventually open up a business based on alchemy. He has been living in Marn for about 3 months, and while he tends to stay out of the affairs of the community, he tries to make himself known as an apothecary that is always on call and always willing to help. He also talks a bit with the gnomish community, although they might be quite wary of him. He doesn't talk with the university, rather hoping to better perfect his work so that it would be worthy of an academic look-over.
Last edited by damormon2345 on Sun Feb 07, 2016 8:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Re: Azelain

Post by Katona on

Hi Azelain. Welcome to Thar Shaddin and thanks for your application!

The core of the character works: an elven alchemist with a prosthetic arm, who has had a rough past involving bullying. However, I think when it comes to the details, you have a few too many things going on at once. Alchemy, magic ability, skilled mechanics, guns, above average intelligence, the ability to do things no one else can do, combat ability with both daggers and bows, social ostracism, super special personal circumstances, ... in other words, you may want to tone it down a bit and focus on the character's personality instead of adding a lot of cool/unique traits.

My main concern overall is that your character has been designed with combat in mind above all else. All the powers/strengths/weaknesses are described in how they relate to combat. Here at Thar Shaddin we tend to avoid such a focus on combat and instead work to develop strong narratives relating to character development, deeper story concepts, social interactions, and things of that nature. It's not often that a thread will involve combat, and even when it does, the outcome is generally decided beforehand by the people involved in the thread.

I'd like much clearer definitions of his magical abilities, including how powerful they are, how often or to what extent he can use them, the range, how much damage he could do... that sort of thing. I also feel it may be a better idea to leave the shotgun cannon out of the arm design. Make it a separate weapon if you feel like it's important to the character, but I think it would be kind of dangerous and absurd for someone to strap an explosive device like that to a delicate mechanical prosthetic, especially considering such contraptions are not known to be reliable even at the best of times.

It would be greatly appreciated if you could include more in depth descriptions of who Azelain is as a person. What are his personal beliefs? How does he view magic? What kind of personality does he have and how does he interact with people? What are his goals in life? What does he hope to achieve in "perfecting" his craft? You've touched on many of these ideas briefly, but I'd like a more clear picture of the inner workings of the character. Also, how long has he been in Marn and how much has he integrated into the community? Is he involved with the university? Or the gnomish community, perhaps?

A minor detail: the species which is known for its mechanical/technological magic is gnomes, not dwarves. Gnomish tech is typically accepted, even in magic-fearing Marn, although most people understand that it's unreliable and dangerous if handled incorrectly.

One last note: the rules explain that an account name must be something related to the character, preferably the character's name. Please send a PM to the admin, Frug, explaining that you'd like your account name changed, including the name you'd like it changed to.

Once you've edited your application and would like it reviewed again, simply reply to this thread letting me know. If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to let me know. You can often find people in the chat room, and they're usually more than happy to help you out however they can.

Have fun writing!

Re: Azelain

Post by damormon2345 on

Alright added a little more. If I really have to take something out I will, but the core is an elf who can do rudimentary gnome tech and alchemy rather than magic and art.

Re: Azelain

Post by Katona on

Sorry for the slow response! Been busy recently. :)

Thanks for making these changes, Azelain. One more thing I was wondering, did he register himself as a magic-user or is he hiding it from the government completely? I know you mentioned he's hiding it, but technically it's legal to have relatively non-threatening magical ability as long as you declare it, which I thought you may not be aware of. The government just makes a record of it for reference, and you'll usually get arrested or at least a warning if you ever get caught using it. They wouldn't normally object to gnomish-style mechanical magic, for one thing, which is hardly thought of as magic at all and is widely used throughout the industrial district. Most of Marn's city electricity and plumbing is developed and maintained by gnomes.

Once that's sorted, I'll be able to approve the app for you.

Re: Azelain

Post by damormon2345 on

Yes he has been registered in the magics list, although with the level of power that it has I doubt that he would be put on some watch list by the guard.

Re: Azelain

Post by Katona on


As a new member, we encourage you to be pro-active in finding a thread for your character. Hang out in chat and get to know people, or PM someone who you think might be fun to write with. There are a few places you might want to check out to help you with the process:

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